Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset about with DH for leaving me at home either 2 kids while sick?

113 replies

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 03:45

I am admittedly not in a good mood at the moment, which may be clouding my judgement, so if I am being unreasonable I will readily apologise to DH.

I have been sick for a few days now. I’m feeling somewhat better, but am still very congested to the point I can’t breathe through my nose at all. As such, I’m not sleeping well at all and am just all around feeling crappy. DC2 is also unwell, seemingly with the same thing I have (he keeps spiking a temperature and getting chills though).

Today there’s a local fair on that we take the DC to every year. DC2 and I are obviously not well enough to go. DH decided this morning that he was still going to take DC1 but would leave DC3 at home with me also (he’s healthy but only 19 months old so cannot go on any rides or anything). He told DC1 this and did not think to check with me first whether I was up to caring for 2 children, 1 of whom is unwell, while also being unwell myself. I would have preferred DH take DC1 and DC3 so DC2 and I could rest but felt I had to agree so as not to disappoint DC1 (who doesn’t want to go on rides by himself).

DH and I ended up having an argument about it once the DC had left the room. I told him it would’ve been nice to be consulted on his plans instead of just assuming I’d be okay to solo parent at the moment. I also said he didn’t handle it very tactfully, as DC2 is now quite upset that he can’t go to the fair and I’ll have to deal with that. DH got defensive and said he’d take DC3 but then DC1 will have to go on rides by himself, they can’t do anything, etc etc. I told him to just forget it, I’d handle the DC, I have no energy to argue.

The fair is on until 9pm tonight and DH chose to go at 11am, leaving me to prepare lunch for our other DC and get DC3 down for his nap afterwards. This has just added to my annoyance - he couldn’t have gone down after lunch and helped me with those things? I’ve also since found out that he’s met up with 2 of his sisters and their families down at the fair, so DC1 is doing rides and things with his cousins. Meaning that DH could have taken DC3 with him to give me a break.

DH just called me to “check in” and I can tell he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I, however, think he’s being a right dick - but is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
Thunderpants88 · 13/09/2025 06:40

If this was Noro virus or V & D then yes I would be very much on your side but you have a cold so nope

Sirzy · 13/09/2025 06:17

So you have got a cold?

Sounds like the way he did it was the most sensible to be fair, and it had the bonus of the eldest getting some 1-1 time with a parent too.

hshshshhdaujhwgwva · 13/09/2025 06:15

I agree. He absolutely could have made everyone lunch and made sure the 19 month old was settled so you could have sat on the sofa with DC2 and let them watch the telly while you snoozed for a bit.

I think men can often be selfish like this because they aren’t used to carrying the mental load for everyone. He is focused on - I planned a nice thing for DC1, well done me but hasn’t thought through everyone else’s needs in the process.

I’ve not found a solution other than speaking up and saying, yes take DC1 to the fair but first please can you help with xyz so I can actually cope while you’re gone.

And I would also have been really cross he didn’t take DC3 if his extended family were going as it sounds like there was easily enough adults to juggle supervising youngest and they would have probably really enjoyed the fair.

When he gets it definitely take whichever child is well and leave him with the sick one and toddler and disappear and see how he likes it.

TheDevilFindsWorkForIdleMums · 13/09/2025 06:10

And where did you propose he put the baby when he was going on rides with thr older kids ? Leaving the youngest at home is just common sense.

Simonjt · 13/09/2025 06:06

Neither of us would feel the need to consult the other with something like this, you’ve had a cold, for us we wouldn’t change routines at all for that.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 13/09/2025 06:03

It does seem as if men can’t win sometimes! Your DH was being proactive and his plan is the best plan in this situation so that your eldest could enjoy the rides. ‘Solo parenting’ in your own home is really not a big issue, Hope you feel better soon.

Ooodelally · 13/09/2025 06:01

It sounds like you’ve got the man-flu tbh. I think it’s lovely he took your DC to the fair! It’s a shame you felt you were too poorly to go but that’s how it goes sometimes.

Athreedoorwardrobe · 13/09/2025 05:35

And yeah if he comes down with it too you'd best just go out for the day with the eldest and leave the other two with him, with no consultation about whether that's OK.
Then he might understand what a dick move that is.

Athreedoorwardrobe · 13/09/2025 05:34

He should have discussed it with you
I find that so rude and I'd be livid with my husband if he didn't check i was OK to do childcare. I always check with him. It's just polite!! You don't leave one partner with kids without checking it's ok to do that.

Original poster
Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 05:30

DH has just returned home and thrown himself onto the couch, exclaiming “man I’m pooped.” I just took some deep breaths and chose not to say anything because I know anything I said wouldn’t be nice.

@Billybagpuss he definitely did do something nice for DC1, as it wasn’t fair for him to miss out because others are sick. And it’s less about the fact that DC2 missed out (these things happen, although it could’ve been handled more tactfully so he wasn’t so upset about it) - it’s more that DH assumed I’d be okay to solo parent while still being fairly unwell and then left at a fairly inconvenient time when he could’ve instead helped me out a bit first.

@autienotnaughty I’m going to be making it clear that he’s in charge of dinner, bathtime, bedtime, etc this evening. I’ll spell it out for him so there can’t be any excuses or claims he didn’t understand. I want to just lie down and try to sleep.

@CoffeeBeansGalore I'm just waiting for him to come down with it too - and then he’ll he laid up in bed claiming he can barely move, as is usual for him when unwell. Maybe that’s what I should do next time I’m sick and let everything go to hell so he realises how much I still do even when I feel like rubbish.

OP posts:
CoffeeBeansGalore · 13/09/2025 04:33

Remember this when he goes down with this virus. No help, no sympathy.
If feeling petty leave him to look after the kids whilst feeling dire. (Oh you'll be fine - I had to manage . . . )
Hope you & dc recover soon.

autienotnaughty · 13/09/2025 04:26

Yes he should have took younger dc too so you and poorly dc could rest. He wanted an easier day and didn’t care/consider that it made your day harder.
Not a lot you can do now so I’d let it go (particularly if it’s just a one off) but I’d try to pre empt it next time and say in advance you will need to do xyz as I need to rest. And make sure you get some time for your self where he has kids in next few weeks.

Billybagpuss · 13/09/2025 04:23

He could have handled it better but he probably thought he was doing a nice thing for dc1.

I do think you’re blowing things a bit out of proportion as you’re feeling poorly.

Honestly best thing you can do is try and move on. Hope theyve both had a lovely day and see if there’s anything you can do with dc 2 when you’re both better.