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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be upset about with DH for leaving me at home either 2 kids while sick?

113 replies

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 03:45

I am admittedly not in a good mood at the moment, which may be clouding my judgement, so if I am being unreasonable I will readily apologise to DH.

I have been sick for a few days now. I’m feeling somewhat better, but am still very congested to the point I can’t breathe through my nose at all. As such, I’m not sleeping well at all and am just all around feeling crappy. DC2 is also unwell, seemingly with the same thing I have (he keeps spiking a temperature and getting chills though).

Today there’s a local fair on that we take the DC to every year. DC2 and I are obviously not well enough to go. DH decided this morning that he was still going to take DC1 but would leave DC3 at home with me also (he’s healthy but only 19 months old so cannot go on any rides or anything). He told DC1 this and did not think to check with me first whether I was up to caring for 2 children, 1 of whom is unwell, while also being unwell myself. I would have preferred DH take DC1 and DC3 so DC2 and I could rest but felt I had to agree so as not to disappoint DC1 (who doesn’t want to go on rides by himself).

DH and I ended up having an argument about it once the DC had left the room. I told him it would’ve been nice to be consulted on his plans instead of just assuming I’d be okay to solo parent at the moment. I also said he didn’t handle it very tactfully, as DC2 is now quite upset that he can’t go to the fair and I’ll have to deal with that. DH got defensive and said he’d take DC3 but then DC1 will have to go on rides by himself, they can’t do anything, etc etc. I told him to just forget it, I’d handle the DC, I have no energy to argue.

The fair is on until 9pm tonight and DH chose to go at 11am, leaving me to prepare lunch for our other DC and get DC3 down for his nap afterwards. This has just added to my annoyance - he couldn’t have gone down after lunch and helped me with those things? I’ve also since found out that he’s met up with 2 of his sisters and their families down at the fair, so DC1 is doing rides and things with his cousins. Meaning that DH could have taken DC3 with him to give me a break.

DH just called me to “check in” and I can tell he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I, however, think he’s being a right dick - but is this unreasonable of me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 08:13

CurlewKate · 13/09/2025 07:14

Surely if DC2 has just got a cold he can go to the fair too? I never get this “everything stops for a cold” thing. DH takes the older two to the fair, you stay home with the baby.

Don’t know if I’ve mentioned it in a previous comment or not, but DC2 is absolutely not up to going out. He’s been lying on the couch half asleep all day. When the ibuprofen wears off he spikes a temperature and gets chills. Once he has another dose, it takes at least an hour for him to be comfortable. I’ve got no idea if this is just a cold or something else (my mum has just recovered from a nasty cold that saw her in bed for days, but RSV and Covid have been going around too) as we haven’t been tested. I haven’t been able to get either of us into a dr until Tuesday (appt made yesterday) but hoping we both feel better by then and won’t need it.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 13/09/2025 08:01

Your just being grumpy sorry!

HettySunshine · 13/09/2025 08:00

I’m going to read the full thread properly in a moment but from a purely practical point a view, please get yourself a packet of Actifed. It’s the most amazing decongestant and will clear your nose so you can sleep. My best friend is a pharmacist and she swears by it.

it doesn’t have any paracetamol or ibroprofen in it so you can take it alongside your painkillers if you are taking them and it works within about 20 minutes.

right, I’ll read properly now!

Noras · 13/09/2025 07:57

I would have explained to DH before he left what I would need done eg please could you sort out the lunch,’laundry and leave something out for youngest to play with. So I do sympathise.

Colds can vary from head cold to feeling really grotty with a temperature / not being well at all. So he could have done better to make things easier for you before he went out. I think that some here are being dismissive of it being ‘ just a cold’ as some can really make you feel poorly. I have recently been in bed with one for 2 days.

However it’s done now so nothing can put back time. Just reminder to get in on DH plans early one and assert what you need / want. Also remember this if the position is reversed.

ACatNamedRobin · 13/09/2025 07:53

DH's plan makes sense to me too.

It was never going to be a great outcome for everyone, but that's just because there's more children than parents, so this is the type of situation where that creates issues.

Beatmeonthebottomwiththewomansweekly · 13/09/2025 07:49

DH’s plan makes sense to me. I think he’s right. And I think leaving the toddler at home is best too.

But also, feeling a bit better, I’d probably take the congested kid to the fair too and just all go. Especially if the child wanted to.

RedSkyatNight25 · 13/09/2025 07:45

I say this with kindness but I’d be grateful that the child who wasn’t ill was getting entertained and not coped up at home all day.

Maray1967 · 13/09/2025 07:43

Viviennemary · 13/09/2025 07:10

You are being ridiculous. Sorry.

No she’s not. He knew his sisters would be there. He should have taken the baby - he just didn’t want to.

Matronic6 · 13/09/2025 07:40

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/09/2025 07:27

I think if you were properly unwell, you’d be making a very fair point. But you’ve got a cold and are a bit tired. Not the end of the world, and still easier for you to manage two kids at home that it would have been for your DH to wrangle two kids on fairground rides, or to supervise the older one remotely on those ones the little one wasn’t allowed to go on.

Do people actually not even read OP's whole post before commenting?

Her DH's family all went to the fair. He absolutely could have taken little one and made life easier for OP and got the youngest out of the house. But he chose to make life easier for himself.

I am so grateful for my DH when I read threads like this. Because absolutely my DH would have taken the youngest and oldest. But if he absolutely could not have taken youngest he would have played with them all morning prepped lunch to ensure they were exhausted and fed for a good nap then gone to the fair.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/09/2025 07:27

I think if you were properly unwell, you’d be making a very fair point. But you’ve got a cold and are a bit tired. Not the end of the world, and still easier for you to manage two kids at home that it would have been for your DH to wrangle two kids on fairground rides, or to supervise the older one remotely on those ones the little one wasn’t allowed to go on.

Zanatdy · 13/09/2025 07:24

I guess he assumed you would be ok to do it, do you just have a cold or more than this? A cold isn’t great, but assume most people continue with their daily lives and don’t just lie in bed recovering. Especially when you’re a parent. A bit mean on sick child though missing out, would have been better if no-one went.

Waterbaby41 · 13/09/2025 07:19

You're hard work. How did you expect him to look after DC3 and DC1 at the fair? They all couldn't go on rides.

CurlewKate · 13/09/2025 07:14

Surely if DC2 has just got a cold he can go to the fair too? I never get this “everything stops for a cold” thing. DH takes the older two to the fair, you stay home with the baby.

MMO · 13/09/2025 07:13

I completely can sympathize with the lack of thought being the main issue. It's not that you're trying to dictate plans or control everything. You are just clearly not running on all cylinders (being unwell) and that should be considered. He has been quite selfish choosing to go out and leave you at a busy point of the day and also leave you with DC that he could have taken with him. Seems like it was more important to go and stand and chat with his sisters & husbands than support his unwell wife 🙄 realistically could your DC1 have just gone with their cousins and supervised by their aunties/uncles? There were other options your husband could have chosen that didn't leave you caring for the kids whilst unwell. He's a pillock and needs it explaining.

Moonnstars · 13/09/2025 07:12

I don't think he was being unreasonable. I think it's good that he took the eldest out so you weren't all stuck in with them bouncing off the walls. I also don't think it's wrong that the youngest didn't go with him, surely the fair is pretty boring if they can't go on much and even if he did meet his sisters there, the 19 month old would still be bored and tetchy because they can't join in.
Sounds like it was a good day for you to have a TV day and not worry about screen time, same with food. As long as everyone was fed I wouldn't have worried whether it was healthy or even a proper meal. I would also have left dishes for when he came home. I think you are making a bit more of a deal of it that needed.

InterestedDad37 · 13/09/2025 07:12

You clearly don't like him. Maybe consider the future of the relationship.

ExtraOnions · 13/09/2025 07:12

What a huge drama because you gave a Cold … make sure you put your dressing gown of doom on for extra effect.

AbzMoz · 13/09/2025 07:11

He messed up. If this was about dc1 going to the fair maybe he could have gone direct with the cousins and DH stayed home to help op, look after the other two or do some housework.

the good news is tomorrow is another day and he has a fresh chance to make amends! Have a good rest and feel better OP!

Viviennemary · 13/09/2025 07:10

You are being ridiculous. Sorry.

ASimpleLampoon · 13/09/2025 07:09

@Amariel13 Take yourself off to a hotel for a proper rest. I would.

Original poster
Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 07:09

AhBiscuits · 13/09/2025 07:03

I think yabu.
Would you prefer everyone to be stuck in the house because you are tired?

Never said that at all. Just that I’d have appreciated a conversation about it first. It was the assumption I’d be fine to have DC3 left at home and that I’d just handle all the other tasks (lunch, nap time, dishes, etc) that got my back up.

OP posts:
Original poster
Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 07:04

WhingeInTheWillows · 13/09/2025 06:58

Did he arrange to meet up with his sisters or just happen to bump into them? If he knew they’d be there that would annoy me because he could have taken both children.

Just commented above that I’ve found out he planned to meet his sisters before he left. And that all 3 of his sisters were actually there along with 1 of their husbands.

OP posts:
AhBiscuits · 13/09/2025 07:03

I think yabu.
Would you prefer everyone to be stuck in the house because you are tired?

Original poster
Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 07:01

@Ooodelally The issue is not at all that I couldn’t go - I couldn’t care less about the fair, and I’ve already said it was unfair for DC1 to miss out because some of us were sick. The issue is that DH didn’t want to bring healthy DC3 with him and then left without thinking to see if I needed any help with getting lunch etc sorted. Just some sort of consultation would have been appreciated rather than this blanket assumption that I’ll do everything as per usual.

@KellyJonesLeatherTrousers It was the best scenario, but I would have appreciated him speaking to me about it and not unilaterally deciding that was the plan. And you’re right, solo parenting at home is not a big issue, but when you’re unwell and have a healthy 19 month old that’s getting into everything, demanding snacks, refusing to nap, and hitting his brother because he won’t play with him it’s not exactly ideal.

@hshshshhdaujhwgwva I think you’re exactly right, he wasn’t thinking about anything else. I should’ve spoken up better at the time, I think days of little sleep coupled with also doing all my usual parenting/household chores/actual job just overwhelmed me in the moment. I’ve since found out that he knew he was meeting his sisters before he left so I’m even more angry that he didn’t take DC3 with him - he went on one ride, which neither of his sisters went on so they would’ve been able to mind the baby for a few minutes.

To everyone commenting that it’s just a cold. Yeah, I’m assuming it is. Which is normally fine and, as always, I soldier on. But I’ve only been getting 3ish hours sleep each night for the past 3 nights - DC3 has been up at least once per night, DC2 has been up because he feels awful, and I just can’t breathe which has been keeping me awake - so I’m bloody tired. I don’t think some consideration is too much to ask when your wife is unwell (whether a cold or something more serious), sleep deprived, and still trying to do all the things she usually does.

OP posts:
WhingeInTheWillows · 13/09/2025 06:58

Did he arrange to meet up with his sisters or just happen to bump into them? If he knew they’d be there that would annoy me because he could have taken both children.