Page 2 | To be upset about with DH for leaving me at home either 2 kids while sick?

Amariel13 · 2025-09-13T02:45:20+00:00

I am admittedly not in a good mood at the moment, which may be clouding my judgement, so if I am being unreasonable I will readily apologise to DH. I have been sick for a few days now. I’m feeling somewhat better, but am still very congested to the point I can’t breathe through my nose at all. As such, I’m not sleeping well at all and am just all around feeling crappy. DC2 is also unwell, seemingly with the same thing I have (he keeps spiking a temperature and getting chills though). Today there’s a local fair on that we take the DC to every year. DC2 and I are obviously not well enough to go. DH decided this morning that he was still going to take DC1 but would leave DC3 at home with me also (he’s healthy but only 19 months old so cannot go on any rides or anything). He told DC1 this and did not think to check with me first whether I was up to caring for 2 children, 1 of whom is unwell, while also being unwell myself. I would have preferred DH take DC1 and DC3 so DC2 and I could rest but felt I had to agree so as not to disappoint DC1 (who doesn’t want to go on rides by himself). DH and I ended up having an argument about it once the DC had left the room. I told him it would’ve been nice to be consulted on his plans instead of just assuming I’d be okay to solo parent at the moment. I also said he didn’t handle it very tactfully, as DC2 is now quite upset that he can’t go to the fair and I’ll have to deal with that. DH got defensive and said he’d take DC3 but then DC1 will have to go on rides by himself, they can’t do anything, etc etc. I told him to just forget it, I’d handle the DC, I have no energy to argue. The fair is on until 9pm tonight and DH chose to go at 11am, leaving me to prepare lunch for our other DC and get DC3 down for his nap afterwards. This has just added to my annoyance - he couldn’t have gone down after lunch and helped me with those things? I’ve also since found out that he’s met up with 2 of his sisters and their families down at the fair, so DC1 is doing rides and things with his cousins. Meaning that DH could have taken DC3 with him to give me a break. DH just called me to “check in” and I can tell he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I, however, think he’s being a right dick - but is this unreasonable of me?

Rainbowqueeen · 14/09/2025 02:10

Worriedalltheday · 13/09/2025 17:12

Wow you have been so UR op. How was dc meant to go on rides alone? Couldn’t you put the tv on for a few hours while they were out? I’m with him on this

You need to read the updates where OP explains that her H planned to meet up with family members so had help, that he only went on one ride as his DC went on with other family members and that he admits he could have taken DC3 but chose not to.

Op is perfectly right to be upset

Dramatic · 14/09/2025 02:01

liveforsummer · 14/09/2025 01:19

No but it’s not like he went out with his pals drinking. He did a nice thing with dc1 who I bet enjoyed some time out of the house without dad being distracted by a toddler. I’d agree if he’d gone off cycling or partying or something

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Right, and he could do a nice thing with DS1 any other weekend when his wife and son aren't poorly. Why should OP be the one struggling on when she's poorly when DH could have had the bit of extra work of taking DS3 in the pushchair when he was meeting up with family anyway, it's not like he actually got 1 on 1 time with his son when his whole family were there with kids.

Clonakilla · 14/09/2025 01:56

I’d be annoyed he knew he was meeting family there who could have helped with the younger child. Even if he had t thought of that originally, he should have when you expressed you weren’t happy looking after two whilst unwell.

Original poster

Amariel13 · 14/09/2025 01:35

liveforsummer · 14/09/2025 01:19

No but it’s not like he went out with his pals drinking. He did a nice thing with dc1 who I bet enjoyed some time out of the house without dad being distracted by a toddler. I’d agree if he’d gone off cycling or partying or something

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Yes, he did a nice thing with DC1 and I was appreciative of that and any other day wouldn’t have said anything. But this wasn’t any other day - it was a day where I was sick and running on little sleep, and when we had another child who was also sick. How is it fair to DC3 that he has stay at home cooped up inside with sick people just because DH thought bringing him along would be an inconvenience? Our kids have plenty of family time and 1-on-1 time with both DH and I, it’s not like this was a unique opportunity. DH has admitted he was in the wrong and apologised for not taking DC3 with him, and has been doing his best to let me get some rest.

OP posts:

liveforsummer · 14/09/2025 01:19

Dramatic · 14/09/2025 01:09

I had norovirus once and could not leave the bathroom for about 8 solid hours, I had to get my just turned 6 year old to bring my 10 month old and 2 year old up the stairs and put them in the bedroom so I could hear what they were doing, she also had to bring food and drinks up for them. When you're a single parent you have to do these things because you literally have no choice, the op has a husband who could have done things differently to help her out. She shouldn't have to struggle on like a single parent because she isn't single.

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No but it’s not like he went out with his pals drinking. He did a nice thing with dc1 who I bet enjoyed some time out of the house without dad being distracted by a toddler. I’d agree if he’d gone off cycling or partying or something

Dramatic · 14/09/2025 01:09

liveforsummer · 13/09/2025 17:23

You have a cold so fair to assume you could solo parent at home, especially as after a short time the toddler would be going for a nap, which seems another good reason for toddler not to go as presumably would have been tired and grumpy. It seems like the best outcome for all the DC. As parents we have to suck this stuff up sometimes. As a single parent I’ve done all illnesses, including severe ones, alone. I remember once physically not being able to get off the sofa and dd just turned 4 feeding her 12 month old sister. Anything stopping for tiredness and a stuffy nose is unthinkable

I had norovirus once and could not leave the bathroom for about 8 solid hours, I had to get my just turned 6 year old to bring my 10 month old and 2 year old up the stairs and put them in the bedroom so I could hear what they were doing, she also had to bring food and drinks up for them. When you're a single parent you have to do these things because you literally have no choice, the op has a husband who could have done things differently to help her out. She shouldn't have to struggle on like a single parent because she isn't single.

AussieManque · 14/09/2025 00:57

FYI (not just for OP but for the general public) one negative COVID test doesn't mean you don't have it. Viral load builds up and tests are most accurate on day 4-5 of symptoms, so people should be testing more than once. False negatives remain very high on rapid tests. https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/publications/diseases-conditions/understanding-covid-19-testing.html

On the other hand, RSV and Flu rapid tests are more accurate in the early days of symptoms.

To be upset about with DH for leaving me at home either 2 kids while sick?

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 13/09/2025 23:46

He should 100% have taken DC3, especially as he was meeting others who could go on the rides with DC1. He was just being lazy.

Coming home and saying he was “pooped” would have pushed me over the edge.

Original poster

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 23:42

liveforsummer · 13/09/2025 17:23

You have a cold so fair to assume you could solo parent at home, especially as after a short time the toddler would be going for a nap, which seems another good reason for toddler not to go as presumably would have been tired and grumpy. It seems like the best outcome for all the DC. As parents we have to suck this stuff up sometimes. As a single parent I’ve done all illnesses, including severe ones, alone. I remember once physically not being able to get off the sofa and dd just turned 4 feeding her 12 month old sister. Anything stopping for tiredness and a stuffy nose is unthinkable

I fully accept that sometimes we have to suck stuff up and I do just that. On Friday, I had both DC2 and DC3 home with me all day while DH was at work. Was I sick on Friday? Yes. Was DC2 sick on Friday? Yes. But I normally have Fridays off work with both DC at home, so there was no option except for me to have them both solo. I haven’t mentioned this at all in this thread because I’m not upset about that - it was a difficult day but it is the way it is. What I’m upset about is that it was a Saturday so DH was home and I wasn’t expecting that I’d have to do keep doing it all alone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 23:38

AussieManque · 13/09/2025 14:20

If you're in England, it's not a "tiny bit" of COVID, and that's with most people not bothering to test at all. Test positivity is high and that's only in those hospitals that still bother testing for COVID.

Not in England. I also wasn’t asking for advice or opinions on what illness I’ve managed to pick up, but just to put you at ease I’ve since done a Covid test and it was negative. DC2 and I are staying at home while we’re unwell, so you can get off your high horse now - thanks!

OP posts:

Aweecupofteaandabiscuit · 13/09/2025 19:35

liveforsummer · 13/09/2025 17:23

You have a cold so fair to assume you could solo parent at home, especially as after a short time the toddler would be going for a nap, which seems another good reason for toddler not to go as presumably would have been tired and grumpy. It seems like the best outcome for all the DC. As parents we have to suck this stuff up sometimes. As a single parent I’ve done all illnesses, including severe ones, alone. I remember once physically not being able to get off the sofa and dd just turned 4 feeding her 12 month old sister. Anything stopping for tiredness and a stuffy nose is unthinkable

That’s your life as a single parent.
OP isn’t a single parent so shouldn’t have to suck this stuff up 🤷‍♀️

liveforsummer · 13/09/2025 17:23

You have a cold so fair to assume you could solo parent at home, especially as after a short time the toddler would be going for a nap, which seems another good reason for toddler not to go as presumably would have been tired and grumpy. It seems like the best outcome for all the DC. As parents we have to suck this stuff up sometimes. As a single parent I’ve done all illnesses, including severe ones, alone. I remember once physically not being able to get off the sofa and dd just turned 4 feeding her 12 month old sister. Anything stopping for tiredness and a stuffy nose is unthinkable

Doingmybest12 · 13/09/2025 17:20

I think sometimes you just have to say directly to someone what you need them to do, ie I'm not up to having dc 3, please take him with you and can you make a sandwich before you go, thanks.

Worriedalltheday · 13/09/2025 17:12

Wow you have been so UR op. How was dc meant to go on rides alone? Couldn’t you put the tv on for a few hours while they were out? I’m with him on this

thepariscrimefiles · 13/09/2025 16:32

lonelyasacloud2 · 13/09/2025 14:31

He’s right, the older dc would have had to go on rides alone if he had a 19 month with him too. A baby of that age is a bit young for a proper fair really and it would have changed the dynamic for the older child.

It’s annoying to have to juggle small dc when you’re ill but you just have to get on with it sometimes.

He knew beforehand that he would be meeting his family there but didn't tell OP. DC1 went on the rides with their cousins not with his dad. OP has said:

'He apologised and readily admitted that he knew he could’ve taken DC3 but chose not to.'

honeylulu · 13/09/2025 15:00

I read the OP and thought you were being unreasonable although H should have sorted lunch before heading out. DC3 would have made it difficult for DC1 to enjoy rides.

But reading the update that he met up with his sisters and this was planned, I've changed my mind. He could and should have taken DC3 and that was a bit sly of him too to keep quiet that there would be other adults. He didn't want to inconvenience them by asking them to mind DC3 for a few mins but thought it fine for his ill wife to cope all day. Anyway seems you've told him so and he accepts what you say and has stepped up since being home. Good.

pikkumyy77 · 13/09/2025 14:47

lonelyasacloud2 · 13/09/2025 14:31

He’s right, the older dc would have had to go on rides alone if he had a 19 month with him too. A baby of that age is a bit young for a proper fair really and it would have changed the dynamic for the older child.

It’s annoying to have to juggle small dc when you’re ill but you just have to get on with it sometimes.

I really don’t see why the woman just has to get on with it and juggle two children while it us absolutely inconceivable that a man would be asked to juggle two children at a fair.

The bar for fathers is set so low! A woman has to be on her deathbed before she is excused from childcare duties while for a man anything less than pure 100percent fun for himself is seen as quite wonderful parenting. God forbid he should have to juggle two children or miss out on some rides.

pikkumyy77 · 13/09/2025 14:44

Simonjt · 13/09/2025 09:03

I have type one diabetes and I don’t have a spleen, I’m just not some who takes to their bed when unwell.

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Bully for you.

lonelyasacloud2 · 13/09/2025 14:31

He’s right, the older dc would have had to go on rides alone if he had a 19 month with him too. A baby of that age is a bit young for a proper fair really and it would have changed the dynamic for the older child.

It’s annoying to have to juggle small dc when you’re ill but you just have to get on with it sometimes.

pikkumyy77 · 13/09/2025 14:28

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 13/09/2025 06:03

It does seem as if men can’t win sometimes! Your DH was being proactive and his plan is the best plan in this situation so that your eldest could enjoy the rides. ‘Solo parenting’ in your own home is really not a big issue, Hope you feel better soon.

Of course he can’t win—there us nothing to win. His wife and one child were ill. Instead of stating home and caring for them he took the easiest child out and left his sick wife to care for the most difficult children. He could have asked his sisters to take their nephew with them and stayed home. He could have taken two children with him and gone out. He chose the least amount of parenting and caregiving possible. Nothing to win praise over.

AussieManque · 13/09/2025 14:20

If you're in England, it's not a "tiny bit" of COVID, and that's with most people not bothering to test at all. Test positivity is high and that's only in those hospitals that still bother testing for COVID.

Original poster

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 11:16

Update:
The kids are all in bed so DH and I have had some time to chat. I explained I was upset that he just decided what was going to happen today without discussing it with me. It wasn’t about asking for permission or anything stupid like that, it was about making sure we were on the same page and had a plan that we were both comfortable with.

He apologised and readily admitted that he knew he could’ve taken DC3 but chose not to. He thought all of the adults would be going on rides and didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to miss out to watch the baby. I pointed out that one of our nieces would’ve been too short to go on a lot of rides anyway (she’s barely 3) so how is having DC3 along any different? He said he hadn’t thought about it, he was just thinking about the older cousins. So a big oversight on his behalf. I told DH that I felt him taking a nap was really taking the piss with how little sleep I’ve been getting. He said I could’ve napped too, and I pointed out that DC3 cannot be left unattended. DH said I’d been keeping him awake a little at night but also recognised that taking a nap when he’d been out for a fun morning was in poor taste. He also saw how much DC3 was acting out so that’s made him feel thoroughly guilty too. He did dinner, dishes, bathtime, bedtime, and insisted I go to bed without me saying a word. I’m hoping that we can be a bit more of a team tomorrow (I’m also hoping that I miraculously get better overnight but that’s sadly not looking likely).

OP posts:

Btowngirl · 13/09/2025 11:05

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 11:01

Yes, 19 month old has one nap (of 1-2 hours) per day. My ideal plan would have been for DH to take both DC1 and DC3 after he woke up from his nap. This would not have interfered with his ability to meet up with his sisters - one was there from 11am until about 4pm from the looks of it, another went at the time of DH’s choosing so likely would’ve been happy to go later, and the last only came down because she realised they were all together. There was plenty for DC3 to do at the fair, including a petting zoo, a soft play zone, a toddler jumping castle. It would’ve gotten him out of the house and burnt some energy off instead of letting him go stir crazy here with me.

Lunch is minor, yes, but still required me to actually make something when all I wanted to do was lie down. DC3 was ravenous, whereas DC2 and I weren’t interested in eating. I absolutely did not do any dishes and didn’t even really tidy up the lunch stuff at all, DH did that when he got home.

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You feel how you feel so it deserves a discussion with your husband either way. I’ve only got 2 DC so don’t really fully understand the 3 DC struggles, but we split off a lot with our 3yo and 10m old as they are sometimes not on the same page with activities, so that’s why I kind of get why he didn’t take your youngest! I did extract that you were feeling a bit better too so maybe I misread that. The fact his family were there is a bit of a game changer though as they could have watched DC 3 while he went on rides with DC1.

Original poster

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 11:01

Btowngirl · 13/09/2025 10:41

I get why you’re in a miserable mood and feeling annoyed, but personally I think what DH has done is completely logical. Assuming the 19m also naps etc? He definitely should have discussed it with you prior though. In a way I think I’d prefer less people in the house anyway I think it will be more relaxing. I also think giving lunch is minor can’t they have some soup or a sandwich or something?

I wouldn’t worry too much as I’m sure the others will all be sick by next weekend and you & DC2 can go and do something nice together & leave them to fend for themselves!

Yes, 19 month old has one nap (of 1-2 hours) per day. My ideal plan would have been for DH to take both DC1 and DC3 after he woke up from his nap. This would not have interfered with his ability to meet up with his sisters - one was there from 11am until about 4pm from the looks of it, another went at the time of DH’s choosing so likely would’ve been happy to go later, and the last only came down because she realised they were all together. There was plenty for DC3 to do at the fair, including a petting zoo, a soft play zone, a toddler jumping castle. It would’ve gotten him out of the house and burnt some energy off instead of letting him go stir crazy here with me.

Lunch is minor, yes, but still required me to actually make something when all I wanted to do was lie down. DC3 was ravenous, whereas DC2 and I weren’t interested in eating. I absolutely did not do any dishes and didn’t even really tidy up the lunch stuff at all, DH did that when he got home.

OP posts:

Btowngirl · 13/09/2025 10:41

I get why you’re in a miserable mood and feeling annoyed, but personally I think what DH has done is completely logical. Assuming the 19m also naps etc? He definitely should have discussed it with you prior though. In a way I think I’d prefer less people in the house anyway I think it will be more relaxing. I also think giving lunch is minor can’t they have some soup or a sandwich or something?

I wouldn’t worry too much as I’m sure the others will all be sick by next weekend and you & DC2 can go and do something nice together & leave them to fend for themselves!