To be upset about with DH for leaving me at home either 2 kids while sick?

Original poster

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 22:57

Contrarymary30 · 15/09/2025 12:48

Unfortunately once you have kids you have to cope with being unwell and still looking after them . Is your husband usually at home to help ? I think it was a nice thing for him to do for the well child .

During the week, no, DH is not home to help until about 6pm. You sure do have to cope sometimes, and as I’ve mentioned a few times now, I did just that on Friday and yesterday, and will do it again today while DH is at work. DC1 has now come down with the same illness, so now I have 2 sick kids to look after. But the situation in question was on a Saturday when DH was home. I was most definitely expecting him to be around to help, and taking BOTH well children out would have been helpful.

OP posts:

Spinmerightroundbaby · 15/09/2025 20:28

Amariel13 · 13/09/2025 03:45

I am admittedly not in a good mood at the moment, which may be clouding my judgement, so if I am being unreasonable I will readily apologise to DH.

I have been sick for a few days now. I’m feeling somewhat better, but am still very congested to the point I can’t breathe through my nose at all. As such, I’m not sleeping well at all and am just all around feeling crappy. DC2 is also unwell, seemingly with the same thing I have (he keeps spiking a temperature and getting chills though).

Today there’s a local fair on that we take the DC to every year. DC2 and I are obviously not well enough to go. DH decided this morning that he was still going to take DC1 but would leave DC3 at home with me also (he’s healthy but only 19 months old so cannot go on any rides or anything). He told DC1 this and did not think to check with me first whether I was up to caring for 2 children, 1 of whom is unwell, while also being unwell myself. I would have preferred DH take DC1 and DC3 so DC2 and I could rest but felt I had to agree so as not to disappoint DC1 (who doesn’t want to go on rides by himself).

DH and I ended up having an argument about it once the DC had left the room. I told him it would’ve been nice to be consulted on his plans instead of just assuming I’d be okay to solo parent at the moment. I also said he didn’t handle it very tactfully, as DC2 is now quite upset that he can’t go to the fair and I’ll have to deal with that. DH got defensive and said he’d take DC3 but then DC1 will have to go on rides by himself, they can’t do anything, etc etc. I told him to just forget it, I’d handle the DC, I have no energy to argue.

The fair is on until 9pm tonight and DH chose to go at 11am, leaving me to prepare lunch for our other DC and get DC3 down for his nap afterwards. This has just added to my annoyance - he couldn’t have gone down after lunch and helped me with those things? I’ve also since found out that he’s met up with 2 of his sisters and their families down at the fair, so DC1 is doing rides and things with his cousins. Meaning that DH could have taken DC3 with him to give me a break.

DH just called me to “check in” and I can tell he thinks he hasn’t done anything wrong. I, however, think he’s being a right dick - but is this unreasonable of me?

YANBU. I understand his perspective but he was being inconsiderate, especially as other family helped out.

NeverEnterFromTheBackDoor · 15/09/2025 18:08

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 13/09/2025 06:03

It does seem as if men can’t win sometimes! Your DH was being proactive and his plan is the best plan in this situation so that your eldest could enjoy the rides. ‘Solo parenting’ in your own home is really not a big issue, Hope you feel better soon.

Yep. Ridiculous.

Blablibladirladada · 15/09/2025 18:06

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 01:48

If DH was the one who was sick, there’s no way I’d have left DC3 with him. I’d have left him and DC2 to rest at home and taken the healthy DC to the fair, whether I was meeting family/friends or not. Not because DH cannot handle 2 kids but because he was unwell. I’d also have done it to try and minimise DC3’s exposure in the hopes that he wouldn’t also become unwell.

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Hear ya’
noone wants a baby getting sick.

I hope you feel much better and you and do have a stronger strategy for the future.

Chef2 · 15/09/2025 13:33

What are you talking about what is DH and DC1 etc it makes no sense

AnneElliott · 15/09/2025 13:09

Im with you op and really surprised at some of the responses you’re getting on this thread. Glad your DH understands and accepts that it was unfair not to take DC3.

There really is a low bar for men though isn’t there? I’d be really disappointed if my DS behaved like this.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/09/2025 13:02

schtompy · 14/09/2025 19:34

Tis life, I was ill several times and at home looking after my 2 DC when they were ill and when they weren’t. DH still had to go to work to bring home the bread. Get over it. Both my SIL had the same except they had 3 DC, not 2. You’re a mother now, step up.

OP's DH wasn't at work because it was the weekend. He has admitted that he knew beforehand that he would be meeting his family there but didn't tell OP. DCI went on the rides with his cousins. OP has said that her DH admitted that he could have taken DC3 but didn't want to.

OP doesn't need to grow up. That's such a childish, pathetic insult.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/09/2025 12:56

Worriedalltheday · 13/09/2025 17:12

Wow you have been so UR op. How was dc meant to go on rides alone? Couldn’t you put the tv on for a few hours while they were out? I’m with him on this

He knew beforehand that he would be meeting his family there but didn't tell OP. DC1 went on the rides with their cousins not with his dad. OP has said:

'He apologised and readily admitted that he knew he could’ve taken DC3 but chose not to.'

Contrarymary30 · 15/09/2025 12:48

Unfortunately once you have kids you have to cope with being unwell and still looking after them . Is your husband usually at home to help ? I think it was a nice thing for him to do for the well child .

pikkumyy77 · 15/09/2025 12:43

The pub for men is in hades. Take gender out if it and there is no way his behavior is reasonable.

schtompy · 15/09/2025 09:17

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 02:08

Wow, do you get enjoyment from being such a rude and nasty person?

If you’d read other posts, you’d see that I was home on Friday with DC2 and DC3 while both DC2 and I were sick because DH had to work. It wasn’t mentioned in my OP because I wasn’t upset about that. It sucked but it is what it is. I’m also home today, again with DC3 and a still sick DC2, and I’m not much better at all. But it’s a Monday and DH has to work. But it was a Saturday and DH was home - I didn’t think some help and allowing me to rest when he didn’t have to work was too much to ask.

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No I don’t get enjoyment, that is your perception. You ask for opinions.

IsThistheMiddleofNowhere · 15/09/2025 09:00

I think you're being hard on him. He did what he thought was best. From his point of view, he was ensuring your DC didn't miss out. I think every mother has had to carry on with a cold and a couple of young children at some point.

PeenaM · 15/09/2025 07:40

You are being unreasonable.

It’s a cold, you can still do things with a cold.
I still go to work when full of cold, working with children with disabilities challenging behaviour. Does it suck feeling so crappy, absolutely. But you get on with it. Take cold & flu tablets.

Im due to have surgery in the next few weeks, I will have god knows how many stitches in my bum. 48 hours after surgery I will be back doing the school run. It will hurt as I have to drive and it’s going to be painful sitting, but husband is self employed and we can’t afford for him to keep losing hours at work. So I will just get on with it. I’ll still be making the packed lunches and cooking dinner while recovering. That’s life!

Original poster

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 02:08

schtompy · 14/09/2025 19:34

Tis life, I was ill several times and at home looking after my 2 DC when they were ill and when they weren’t. DH still had to go to work to bring home the bread. Get over it. Both my SIL had the same except they had 3 DC, not 2. You’re a mother now, step up.

Wow, do you get enjoyment from being such a rude and nasty person?

If you’d read other posts, you’d see that I was home on Friday with DC2 and DC3 while both DC2 and I were sick because DH had to work. It wasn’t mentioned in my OP because I wasn’t upset about that. It sucked but it is what it is. I’m also home today, again with DC3 and a still sick DC2, and I’m not much better at all. But it’s a Monday and DH has to work. But it was a Saturday and DH was home - I didn’t think some help and allowing me to rest when he didn’t have to work was too much to ask.

OP posts:

Confusdworriedmum · 15/09/2025 02:04

As he knew he was meeting his sisters he should have taken DC3 too. He just couldn't be bothered to look after a child who'd need more attention.
I would be angry too. As far you "just having a cold" there are some nasty bugs about already which can leave you feeling like absolute crap.
When you feel better and he's ill dump two of the kids on him and go out. And be sure to go around lunchtime so he has to sort food and naps. It's only fair.

Original poster

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 01:55

foxinasnowstorm · 14/09/2025 19:28

I would say it’s Covid. Myself and my son have it and are displaying all the aforementioned symptoms. Rest well op

Not the point of the post, but I’ve done multiple covid tests and they have all come back negative. Where I live RSV is really prevalent at the moment (I know of close to 10 people who’ve had it in the last month, including one who has hospitalised). My mum has also had a nasty cold that took her 2 weeks to recover from - she was swabbed by a GP and was told it wasn’t RSV, covid or flu, it was just a nasty cold that really threw her for a loop.

OP posts:

Original poster

Amariel13 · 15/09/2025 01:48

Blablibladirladada · 14/09/2025 18:56

Hi op,

I feel for you and my question is would that have been possible to reverse? Meaning if your husband was in your shoes, would you have been able to leave him with two kids and keep the process to the third?
If yes, you are unreasonable
If no, you are being not treated fairly and I understand your annoyance.

Personally, I think your DH did good towards your kid whom wanted to go so fair enough.

If DH was the one who was sick, there’s no way I’d have left DC3 with him. I’d have left him and DC2 to rest at home and taken the healthy DC to the fair, whether I was meeting family/friends or not. Not because DH cannot handle 2 kids but because he was unwell. I’d also have done it to try and minimise DC3’s exposure in the hopes that he wouldn’t also become unwell.

OP posts:

TheCheekyCyanHelper · 14/09/2025 20:34

CurlewKate · 13/09/2025 07:14

Surely if DC2 has just got a cold he can go to the fair too? I never get this “everything stops for a cold” thing. DH takes the older two to the fair, you stay home with the baby.

Your the reason all the kids at school get sick. You take your sick children into public, and spread germs.

lonelyasacloud2 · 14/09/2025 20:20

pikkumyy77 · 13/09/2025 14:47

I really don’t see why the woman just has to get on with it and juggle two children while it us absolutely inconceivable that a man would be asked to juggle two children at a fair.

The bar for fathers is set so low! A woman has to be on her deathbed before she is excused from childcare duties while for a man anything less than pure 100percent fun for himself is seen as quite wonderful parenting. God forbid he should have to juggle two children or miss out on some rides.

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It’s not inconceivable it just doesn’t make much sense to take a baby to a fair when they would get nothing from it and the older child would miss out too.

It isn’t ’low bar’ to have a different opinion. It sounds like they split the duties. Dh took one kid out which was one less to care for, op stayed at home with the others.

SilverCamellia · 14/09/2025 20:06

Imagine is this was the other way around. Husband was sick and one kid. Wife buggered off to the fair with one kid and left sick husband with sick kid plus healthy toddler. Nope. I can’t imagine it. Just wouldn’t happen. Husband would never cope.

schtompy · 14/09/2025 19:34

Tis life, I was ill several times and at home looking after my 2 DC when they were ill and when they weren’t. DH still had to go to work to bring home the bread. Get over it. Both my SIL had the same except they had 3 DC, not 2. You’re a mother now, step up.

foxinasnowstorm · 14/09/2025 19:28

I would say it’s Covid. Myself and my son have it and are displaying all the aforementioned symptoms. Rest well op

MaurineWayBack · 14/09/2025 19:12

liveforsummer · 14/09/2025 01:19

No but it’s not like he went out with his pals drinking. He did a nice thing with dc1 who I bet enjoyed some time out of the house without dad being distracted by a toddler. I’d agree if he’d gone off cycling or partying or something

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And??
it doesn’t matter if he did a nice thing fur dc1.
When you plan yur activity for the day with your dcs, the least you should do is to ALWAYS double check if your partner is happy with it.
It doesn’t matter if it’s the OP being ill or she is well but had other plans furvthe weekend. The expectations that your partner will simply adjust aroubd you shpuld never be there.

And I’m sure that if the OP had planned to go to the fair with one chikd, assuming hed look after the others, regardless of whether he was ill or not, he would NOT have liked it. He would have wanted to be involved in the decision making.

and let’s be honest, it wouldn’t have happened. It’s only dads that expect their partner to just fit around them. And fathers who get away with acting with disrespect towards their partner but being told theyre amazing ‘because they’ve done something nice for ther dc’

NeurospicyMummy · 14/09/2025 18:58

liveforsummer · 13/09/2025 17:23

You have a cold so fair to assume you could solo parent at home, especially as after a short time the toddler would be going for a nap, which seems another good reason for toddler not to go as presumably would have been tired and grumpy. It seems like the best outcome for all the DC. As parents we have to suck this stuff up sometimes. As a single parent I’ve done all illnesses, including severe ones, alone. I remember once physically not being able to get off the sofa and dd just turned 4 feeding her 12 month old sister. Anything stopping for tiredness and a stuffy nose is unthinkable

Just because you’ve had it hard doesn’t mean OP wanting help is ridiculous. Also, your child fed your other child so sounds like you had more “hands” to help than the OP did today.

OP your husband was being selfish and deliberately choosing the easier option. He could have easily take. Your other child seeing as he was meeting family. I’d be livid too and make sure he pulls his weight on Sunday. Lord knows you’ll need the energy for when he catches it.

Blablibladirladada · 14/09/2025 18:56

Hi op,

I feel for you and my question is would that have been possible to reverse? Meaning if your husband was in your shoes, would you have been able to leave him with two kids and keep the process to the third?
If yes, you are unreasonable
If no, you are being not treated fairly and I understand your annoyance.

Personally, I think your DH did good towards your kid whom wanted to go so fair enough.