My adult DC have all just had a massive fallen out

I have 4 siblings, we're in our 490's, our mum is dead, our WhatsApp group chat still blows up over this sort of thing decades on. Honestly though we'll keep doing this likely u til we die.

We still meet up at least twice a year for a wee holiday, our group chat is constantly active and every one of us has got on a plane for another one a crisis.

It's very likely this will all blow over. Good luck.

☝️

They all need to grow up. I would take a very dim view of sharing the information about your daughter’s abortion. That is her private medical information and it’s despicable for her sibling to use it against her.

I would say you need to stay completely neutral and tell them in no uncertain terms they stop or get out of your house and find somewhere else to stay.

You explained in its entirety your non judgemental view on your DD having an abortion and wishing she had come to you for support. For me that’s the one child I would talk to and tell her how you feel and give her some support.

No idea what your view is on drug taking, I always made it very clear that any drug use at all was completely unacceptable.

But there is the statement that your DS hit his GF, I feel very strongly about violence against women and violence overall and think it’s the one reason I could cut a child off completely.

I would let it play out between them. How they get on is between them. I am part of a large sibling group, there have been falling out but not like this. I am not a believer in threats unless carried out and you can push yourself in to a corner by doing this.

As above I wouldn’t react BUT seeing as they’ve all behaved like 10 year olds I’d change the WiFi password and hope it encourages them to either speak to each other or pack their bags quicker than planned. Feel for you OP

Id tell them all that they need to calm the fuck down and sort it out because you all live under the same roof and this is ridiculous. That you dont need people telling tales on each other. They're too old for this and you aren't impressed

Didn't read it all

Gather them, tell them that as long as they live in you house, there will be no more shitty behaviour

I’d do nothing!

I have adult children - none of them speak to each other and 2 of them are quite weird with me.
I just stay out of it - I’m mum to them all they can choose their relationships with me and each other, they’re adults they are free to live their way and see the repercussions of their choices (generally they come back to me if they need me) - I did lots of years playing the peace maker and they are all very different personalities with very different lifestyle choices.
its harder when they are all under one roof and you have adult sized ‘teenagers’ who behave as such - I’d either be really cross and just isolate myself from them or be very blunt and honest and say they seem to have chosen to participate in things they know you’d disapprove of, or clearly don’t need/want your support so until they do - you’re opting out of family life until they choose to behave like family and like adults.
this I think is the equivalent of banging their heads together.

Sounds a bit like a soap opera! But in all honesty I don't think its that weird, 4 adult siblings living together is a recipe for disaster. But it sounds like they have all got it out in the open now!! So it can only get better 😊

Well this all started with DD2 shit stirring but as my dad used to say, they all need their heads banging together and told to grow the fuck up!

Wow that is a hell of a lot to process! I’d be tempted to go stay in a hotel for a couple of nights to give them all a bit of a shock and shift the dynamic out of them all behaving like teenagers. Message the family group chat to say you’re doing this, tell them they need to resolve their issues between themselves, and that you would love to talk to each of them individually if they want to, but you don’t want to hear them bitch to you about each other.

Is there a DH/their dad about? If so, I’d clear off to the seaside with him for the rest of the weekend and leave them to it!
I’d hope they’d grow out of it, but DH and his siblings are 40’s and 50’s and still have spats like this fairly regularly. It always amuses me when there’s a “should we have a 3rd/4th baby” and everyone says go for it, lovely to have lots of siblings…not necessarily!
Maybe it’s time for the older ones to fly the nest, hopefully if they’re not in one another’s pockets so much they might be more cordial.
good luck Op!

Do nothing. Leave them all to it or they'll accuse you if taking sides.

Leave them to it. It's up to them to sort out their own relationships with each other. You can't say anything to one without appearing to take sides. Also nothing you say will change their choices re drugs, how they treat each other etc.

My two have never really got on but they mostly live together amicably (with us) by getting on with their own lives. When one occasionally complains about the other, I remain neutral, but make it clear I love them both.

Don't ask if dd2 wants to talk re the abortion, just maybe say you are there for all of them if they need you.

Exactly what I wanted to say. 👍

To be honest, id be telling them its all time to move out and grow the fuck up.

I agree they have reverted to childlike behaviour.

Is there any way you can piss off for a week and leave them to it? Stay with a mate you have been promising to visit?

Otherwise I would refuse to engage. Try to use humour to diffuse the situation.

Good luck!

Stay silent, say nothing, keep out of it. ANYTHING you do will make it worse and you will get the blame - quite rightly - for sticking your oar in.

DS1 is the problem. His siblings believe he is a cheat who assaulted a woman, and he has shown his poor attitude in expecting to control his sister and insulting her appearance.
The termination is in the past. Nothing to be gained by bringing this up. The drug use is a worry but not nothing you can really influence. But there's no way I'd be ignoring the serious issues raised about DS1. If what they've said is true, I couldn't stay silent about that.

They are adults but still young and inexperienced. I'd get them all together to tackle the drugs allegation and to tell them to knock it off.

They've regressed because they are at home and cooped up with each other.

Although I remember my DF and his siblings threatening to tell my DGM on each other, when they had grown families of their own!

Think the best thing you can do between the 4 is stay neutral, have strong boundaries and refuse to be drawn in. Then find an opportunity to talk to each of them individually to check they're ok. Only you know how well raising of the things that got mentioned and having a check in would go down.

I'd also take the opportunity to remind dd2 that shit-stirring is an extremely unattractive quality.

Sounds like they definitely need to be under separate roofs asap.

Family rule - if they don't have anything nice to say, keep their gobs shut.

Anyone who can't do this can leave early and pay for an Airbnb, hostel or cheap hotel wherever they're going.

The drugs issue would be the one I would be most concerned by and the fact they turn on each other. Sounds like they reverted to being teenagers but it sounds like they were all just antagonising each other due to being in close proximity. I would be sitting them down and telling them they need to do better but also tattling on brothers and sisters is unhelpful.

Tell them to leave the house and do their life would be my initial response. Until that happens make some rules of "no bickering"