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Original poster

To find my husband disgusting

210 replies

Pinktize · 12/09/2025 22:28

He turned 47 recently but I feel hes 80. He snores so much and he always sleeps on his back and when I gently push him he tells me to fuck off. He eats his food so fast he has to lie on the floor. He tells me long long stories about something from Tesco and I hate listening to him! He slurps yoghurt. Sometimes he has snot hanging from his nose. And I can hear his sneezes from anywhere in the house. I find myself trying to physically avoid him. When I see old couples around I think about it being us and I hate the idea of it being me and him.

I feel horrible. Hes not particularly nice but honestly the feelinh now is so physical. I feel really harsh. I wish it wasnt like this. We went to counselling and I obviously didnt say any of this but we talked about physical closeness and I was just screaming NOOOO in my head

I feel pretty horrible about it.

OP posts:
auguries · 13/09/2025 01:02

You’ve only been together ten years?!

This is what I’d think from someone who’s been with their partner 30 years. No.

DigitalNomad2 · 13/09/2025 00:53

I had this with my first husband. The snoring, smoking, lack of toilet hygiene, and BO. It really put me off. I was honest with him and tried to get him to understand, but he brushed me off as "superficial". So he didn't want to address it until it was too late and I checked out.

My second husband had excellent hygiene and grooming and I was always attracted to him. For 17 years. Sadly, he died.

Life is too short to live with someone who disgusts you. It's not an inevitable part of living with a man, there are some decent ones out there. Yours doesn't sound like one of them.

dottiehens · 13/09/2025 00:50

Nothing worse than being in a situation like that. I understand you and see why you are still there if you have young kids. It must be very hard and you may feel trapped.

RawBloomers · 13/09/2025 00:30

This isn’t a feeling you can overcome. If he made a huge effort and tried to win you back, maybe. But even then, once you’ve got the ick like that it’s unlikely.

You need to start planning to leave and rebuilding your self-respect. It’s not just that he disgusts you (though that’s a good reason for leaving a marriage all by itself), it sounds like he doesn’t really care about you either. He isn’t interested in you, he isn’t interested in making you happy. Don’t throw good years after bad.

PrincessFiorimonde · 13/09/2025 00:20

Do you want to live like this for the next 10, 20, 30, 40 years?

Or would you be happier starting afresh by yourself?

Best of luck, OP Flowers

CalzoneOnLegs · 13/09/2025 00:20

It’s run it’s course, it happens (a lot) time to move on you will both be much happier

AllrightNowBaby · 13/09/2025 00:15

I could not be putting up with someone like this.
It gave me the ick never mind you.
There’s no coming back from how you feel and you need to divorce and get on with your life.
Kids will be fine and I’m sure after a while, so will he.

Gettingbysomehow · 13/09/2025 00:07

You need to leave.

Original poster
Pinktize · 12/09/2025 23:58

@Lifesd he often eats his dinner really fast and it gives him hiccups/discomfort snd he leaves the table and goes lies on the floor and groans or he just lies on the sofa. Leaving me and the kids. They find it hilarious this groaning bloke hiccuping but I dont. I know I sound like a miserable cow!

OP posts:
Lifesd · 12/09/2025 23:55

What do you mean he eats so fast he lies on the floor?

Starling7 · 12/09/2025 23:53

Leave. You're not being a saint staying with him. Someone else might love him to bits.

Winchesterway · 12/09/2025 23:52

I haven't rtft so apologies if I missed a post relevant. To me, this almost sounds like death by a thousand cuts. The examples you gave in their own right aren't awful, but there are things that happened before the examples you gave that make the snoring and long winded stories just another thing to tolerate. That's what you need to look at, and decide if it's something that's fixable.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/09/2025 23:49

I dont want to do any of that.

Well there's your answer then.

You can't fix something you have no desire to fix. You don't love him.

BigFatBully · 12/09/2025 23:48

Beachtastic · 12/09/2025 23:27

DH and I were once in a pub talking to a guy with snot hanging out of his nose. He went to the toilets and we expected him to come back a changed man, but no, there is was, still hanging out of his nose. We laugh about it 10 years later

Show quote history

Yuck, I'd have made a run for it when he went to the toilet.

MsSmartShoes · 12/09/2025 23:48

He sounds utterly revolting

BellissimoGecko · 12/09/2025 23:48

So leave him. You can’t come back from this. You don’t respect him.

Original poster
Pinktize · 12/09/2025 23:47

I just wanted to know if anyone thinks you can come back from this. The counsellor said we need to find time together alone, make an effort, think aboit what we used to do together at the start. I dont want to do any of that. But I want to try to avoid upsetting my kids and causing him pain. I want to try for them. If I could be gone without causing people pain...id be gone without a doubt. But I camt. So I wondered if anyone thinks things can ever improve if you force yourself to try with someone again.

OP posts:
Rayqueen · 12/09/2025 23:45

Regardless what a horrid person you are feeling all this towards someone you share a life with.

Endofyear · 12/09/2025 23:45

You sound like you find him repulsive. I think once you reach that point, there's no going back - you're not going to wake up one day and find that you fancy him again. You don't even sound like you like him. Do him a big favour and leave.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/09/2025 23:43

So leave him. You've only been with him a decade, image how you'll feel after another five of them.

For reference, 20 years in I still find DP interesting, stunning, and my favourite person to be around.

That's what you should be aiming for. If you stay with him while hating him, you'll just be screwing up yours, his, and your childrens lives.

Fatandfluffy · 12/09/2025 23:34

Pinktize · 12/09/2025 23:24

I do have young kids.

I dont find other humans disgusting. And im definitely not a lesbian. But also I think I would be alright with never having ssx again. Im 41. Really - I like my job and my kids and my friends. And apart from that I do kind of feel like I just want to be left alone.

Well then do that. I did. Not had sex or a partner for 10 years now and more than extremely happy with my children and my friends and my life. My life happiness has increased exponentially since divorcing

Beachtastic · 12/09/2025 23:30

emilysquest · 12/09/2025 23:28

41 was the age I left my first marriage and restarted my life. Full of beans, very sexually confident. Don't wait, get out now. I am now 62 and I wouldn't want to he starting again now.

Same!

OP, I think physical revulsion is a sign of lots of other things wrong. You'll only find out what they are in retrospect, because they all seem normal to you now. You have a lot of finding out to do.

Life is not something to be endured through gritted teeth. 💗

Pessismistic · 12/09/2025 23:28

I think it’s only fair to be honest especially about the sex if you don’t want it with him give him the chance to move on and you too. Resentment will just build up between you both.

emilysquest · 12/09/2025 23:28

41 was the age I left my first marriage and restarted my life. Full of beans, very sexually confident. Don't wait, get out now. I am now 62 and I wouldn't want to he starting again now.

MCF86 · 12/09/2025 23:27

I knew when I found myself feeling like this about my ex, it was because the relationship had run its course and I didn't love him. So I ended it