To find my husband disgusting

Why has he got snot hanging from his nose.dosent he knows how to use a tissue or something

You can come back from this - I did with DH. There was a period, around 8-9 years in when I couldn’t bear to be around him. Listening to him eat, yes, his snoring, and the way we had such separate lives. I’d go out hiking or hobbies and he’d just game all the time. Never having any time in the house to myself as he never left. Blowing his snot into his hand instead of using a bloody tissue. He we’d go out for dinner but he’d sit on his phone, scrolling videos and memes, not even looking at me. Ugh…it all drove me crazy! And no…I didn’t want to sleep with him at all…the thought made me nauseous.

We didn’t do counselling together but I was already seeing someone myself. While I didn’t massively broach the subject, I found that what I learned about myself in there helped me to put in place healthy boundaries and to vocalise what I wanted and needed. Lockdown helped as well!

We’re stronger than ever now and I adore him again (and he does me!). I’m the same age as you, OP. I would not have believed this was possible six years ago. So, giving a slightly different view to others on the thread, having turned it around myself.

Why arent you telling him this? “Dh stop eating so quickly, you know what happens your not giving dc a good impression.” “Dh go blow your bloody nose” get some ear plugs.

if you really cant stand the man, just leave.

You sound vile yourself - if you hate him that much just bloody leave.

It sounds like you have checked out. You need to speak up more. Better to feel guilty for what you call being ‘cruel’ than feel resentful. When you are annoyed with him tell him so and have an argument about it. Discuss how his snoring is disturbing your sleep. If you don’t start speaking up you may as well leave now, the marriage is over.

Leave him.
It’s not very fair on him either, feeling this way about him but sticking around.

This is so unbelievably grim. what kind of gravalicious behaviour is that?!?

so unecessary. Do you think if you start focusing on yourself and spending time out, new haircuts etc he will do the same ? Maybe the way to encourage a change in him is to try modelling it your self? Maybe he’ll be inspired.

you might find your sex drive returns but it’s just not for him?

Do you tell him about the snot?

do you ask went he’s eating like that?

wear ear plugs? Are these changes in behaviour or have you just reached the end of your tether?

From what you've said, then no, I don't think you can get over this. Love (and/or a thriving relationship) is not simply an absence of hate, disgust etc. Sounds like he's sort of given up trying, both physically and mentally, to add to the relationship, and you're mentally and physically repulsed by him. You can get your own positivity and dignity back, but only by leaving, imho. Hard, as you have young children, but it'll be better for everyone.

He sounds like a disgusting pig and I’d be completely repulsed by that too. I hope you can find your self respect and leave!

You can ignore the Counsellor because you didn't tell them the truth.

No. You can't cone back from this. No. Nothing will improve

End the relationship. Run away very fast

It's ok to stop loving someone.

It's also ok for anyone to end a relationship even without a reason.

People always say that these superficial things don’t matter but they really do. A true connection with a person will possibly overlook these things but you just cannot spend days with someone you cannot physically stand to be around and still expect to love them.

Has he always been this way? If not then he deserves to know that he has changed the parameters of your relationship. If he has then you have changed.

Lying here next to a snoring oaf who shouts out every time he turns in bed🙄. OP how old are you? I found HRT helped me massively, my husband just had to breathe and I found him annoying before HRT. Also sending him into the office to work more has really helped too.

He eats his food so fast he has to lie on the floor

Am trying to picture this but … #SendHelp

Please, separate.

You both deserve better.

No, she’s bloody not. Sometimes we can’t help how we feel, no matter how hard we try.
OP, you must leave him. There is no future here and you don’t want a life of regret.

Im just thinking, hes 47 so Im guessing you are around the same age? Maybe a wee bit younger? - at least early 40's?

Im not throwing it all back in your court btw

Perimenopause can have you multiplying 10 fold. So all these "disgusting" habits were probably always there but where as in the past you didnt see them, now they are triggering every last nerve you have

Also if you are around that age, you are probably at your sexual peak , and there you are with a man who has let himself go

How me and DH are still together I won't ever know

But now post menopause and all the PITA habit DH has, of which are many, they have again faded into the background

What Im saying is not to listen to the LTB shout outs , unless you feel the whole marriage is down the pan because it really should just be a life stage "moment" and is so, feelings and attitude will change

I could have walked out so many times in my late 40's. Now here we are in our very early 60's happy as Larry together . Im sat here listening to him snoring and farting away as he sleeps and I know when I do get to bed the sheets will be too warm for me and he will insist on wrapping himself around me like a limpet to a rock. But where as in my 40's Id be giving off and physically kicking him to move over and leave me be, I can now cope with it , until a flush comes along where as I move over, pushing him over if I have to and get myself a good nights sleep - and wake up to find Ive wrapped myself around him

Mine just farted loudly in the bed so I'm on the sofa not sleeping. So fucking disgusting. They are pigs most of them. Tbf it's rare, he must have thought I was asleep. Vile.

You didn't answer this OP

Whaaat????

He tells you to F off, no wonder you're repulsed by him

OP life is too short to live like this. You deserve to be happy, you either have to tell him and see if he can change or you just end it. Your kids won’t be damaged by this but you staying in a miserable marriage will

So it’s happened gradually and you’ve never bothered to be truthful?
You might end up leaving him but it would be nice if you explained why.
Long time married here and yes I would have mentioned each of the concerns; snoring, digestive, and basic cleanliness (need to blow his nose etc.) tactfully.

This particular issue could indicate a hiatus hernia. I have one and honestly, this is how I often feel during/after eating (I’m not rushing my food though…I eat like a ‘normal person!) It is a painful and unpleasant feeling. He maybe needs to get himself checked out OP.

The rest, however, is ick-worthy…I couldn’t live with a man like this.