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Original poster

Am I Being Unreasonable? Friend Upset I Won't Go Away for Her Birthday

261 replies

Reasonablemary · 12/09/2025 21:50

I'm married and have a 17-month-old baby. A friend of mine, who is single with no kids and a very lonely person, invited me to her birthday weekend away. I'm one of the few people she has, so I feel terrible for leaving her behind. I don't want to be one of those people who completely neglects their friends after having a kid.

I turned her down, and she got really upset. She said, "Can't you spend one single night away from your toddler?"

AIBU to not want to go?

OP posts:
Original poster
Reasonablemary · 12/09/2025 22:00

Purpleturtle45 · 12/09/2025 21:52

Why don't you want to go?

I think I'm just exhausted really. I don't have the energy for this but feel terrible for not trying to make an effort for a friend. My doubt comes from why does it have to be a whole weekend away? Would just dinner not be enough? Am I being selfish?

OP posts:
atamlin · 12/09/2025 21:56

People without kids tend to not understand how hard it is to leave little ones. You’ll get some people saying you should go but I believe you should do that whenever you feel comfortable and you shouldn’t be bullied into it. I’ve got three children and I haven’t been away from my youngest (2 yo) for more than 3 hours (once, to take my eldest to cinema). I just don’t want to and I don’t have to explain myself.

Worriedalltheday · 12/09/2025 21:56

Something about her question would have irritated me. Who is she to ask you such a question? If you don’t want to spend a night away from your child, you don’t owe anyone an explanation.
Great if some people want so spend time away from their kids and equally fine if you don’t as well.

Sometimeswinning · 12/09/2025 21:56

I wouldn’t have left my baby at that age. I’d also be annoyed if someone expected me to!

You do come across as you pity her more than like her though.

Childanddogmama · 12/09/2025 21:53

No you aren't. Would I have left my daughter at 17 months? Nope. Some people would and some wouldn't. You do what you are happy with.

Beachtastic · 12/09/2025 21:53

I'm one of the few people she has

There's probably a reason for that, OP. I used to spend my life "picking up" this sort of person, for fear they would "fall" without my support. I think the reasons for this are deeply rooted in my childhood, but not rational or helpful.

Zonder · 12/09/2025 21:53

I don't want to be one of those people who completely neglects their friends after having a kid.

Don't be that person then.

oldclock · 12/09/2025 21:53

If you don't want to go, you don't have to.

Why can't your toddler stay with his Dad for the weekend?

UnhappyHobbit · 12/09/2025 21:52

Oh it’s such an awkward one. When you say “very lonely” how many others are going?

Purpleturtle45 · 12/09/2025 21:52

Why don't you want to go?

ICanBuyMyselfFlowers25 · 12/09/2025 21:52

Did you explain why ?

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