Am I Being Unreasonable? Friend Upset I Won't Go Away for Her Birthday

She is being unreasonable, which is sort of fine as she doesn't have children and doesn't understand. However, it is completely normal to not want to be away from a 17 month old overnight for many reasons (also fine to be OK leaving them every child is different). At 17 months my son still breastfed at night, I absolutely would not have been away from him at night for anything other than a medical emergency.

I would just explain that she means a lot to you and you will support her, but now you have a child you cannot go away without them as they need you at night for the moment. You would love to see her for lunch/dinner/drinks/ day trip ect.

Don’t be a person who neglects their friend then. The toddler will be fine with their father. Be a good friend.

I didn't leave any of mine overnight until they were 3 even with their dad , who is a very capable hands on dad .. I couldn't enjoy myself leaving them.. explain you really arnt comfortable & arrange a meal or a day/night out together another time , she's got another freind going too so your not ruining it for her ...

Go with your friend.

Don’t be guilted into it. If you don’t want to go - don’t.

If you don’t want to go don’t go.
If I liked her and was invested in the friendship I’d have jumped at the chance to leave dc with their dad and had myself a couple of nights but that’s me and you are you.
Neither is right or wrong.

I'm with you in wondering why you have to go away to celebrate her birthday. Her choice to that really cannot place you under any obligation to make babysitting arrangements and incur expense just to keep her company. Tell her you'll happily meet up for a meal to celebrate.

I would go personally. I really value my friends and would love a weekend away. I would be fine leaving my toddler with his dad for the weekend.

Went to a friend’s wedding with DH leaving 2.5 year old and one year old with my in-laws. Just for one night. Everyone survived. Did us the world of good. First time my in-laws had had the kids for that length of time too.

If you really wanted to go, I’m sure you would.

It’s not and was never guilt. My family were enough for me. I wanted to spend weekends with when them. Especially when they were little. Now everyone is older I’m enjoying going out with friends. I never lost touch with them.

Your post sounds judgy. Don’t assume the posts you’ve read here to represent the whole of the UK. In my friendship group alone there are the off every chance they get, odd weekend away or like me, just happy with lazy family weekends.

Same, why is dinner and drinks not enough? How much would it cost? At 17 months I'd still be recovering financially from mat leave and if had to leave dc for night away, would rather have one with dh!

If you don’t want to, you don’t want to. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to leave your toddler, much as some people will try to persuade you there is. And there’s nothing wrong with not wanting to go away. I may be adding 2 and 2 and getting 10, but I suspect that going away with her for a weekend might not be a relaxing carefree event?

Yes, taking her to dinner is enough. It’s not neglecting her.

YOUR choice!

I agree, I don't get it. If your child is with the other parent, or even a grandparent who is happy to look after them, then what's the issue?! Let your hair down and have fun! Just cause you are a mum doesn't mean you need to be tied to your child at all times!

I went away for two nights when my baby was 1, was actually very good for my mental health and my relationship with DP as he realised how much I was doing. If you would want to go usually then try and go, it might be good for you. If you genuinly just don't want to go on a trip with her then also fair enough and she should respect you for that too.

It's not daft at all to suggest it! Plenty mums are able to leave their kids for a night or two, doesn't mean your way is better than their way!

You can say you’d love a special birthday dinner with her but can’t go away yet because your dc is too young and would be too upset. Maybe next year.

Under no circumstances would I have gone on a birthday weekend away leaving my 17 month old.

Fortunately, none of my friends would have been daft enough to suggest it.

My MIL was always delighted to do the childcare for me which is lucky as exh definitely wouldn’t have done.

I’d have jumped at this but it doesn’t seem many UK mums would which doesn’t surprise me. But I wonder why there is so much guilt associated with leaving small people with people they love and who love them in the UK.

What do you mean by ‘leaving her behind’?

Just go Op..
Weekend break, have a rest, change of scenery, have a laugh.
You Dc will be fine for 2 days with Dh.

Could you not go away for one night as a compromise? Would hopefully give you a chance to have a rest. IMO it's a good thing to keep up your friendships when you are a mum and having time to yourself to recharge is a bonus!