To think that my husband was tactless and inappropriate?

Mountains and molehills come to mind.

It sounds like your father’s recent illness has made DH think about how he can support you when your elderly father does eventually die. I don’t see how that can be a bad thing. Unless there is some background you haven’t mentioned I think you’re being over-sensitive.

You've described your DH as pragmatic, but erring on the side of pessimism - sounds right from what you've said.
I honestly thought you were going to say that he'd asked your dad about his will, or something like that!
I'd say he was just being prepared, and there isn't much of an issue.

In a way I'd be glad he's planning ahead. He could have been more tactful though.

Well I’m female and my work/role is business critical. Happy now?

Firstly sorry to hear about your father , but glad he’s recovering. You’re bound to be feeling a bit fragile and sensitive. I’m not one to give men the benefit of the doubt- but in this case I think your husband sounds golden! He waited until your father was recovering- then informed you ( albeit perhaps clumsily) that he had already given work the heads up if he needed time off what happens with his workload. That shows he’s ready to take time off to support you no matter how busy he is at the time - whenever the inevitable happens ( hopefully further into the future). Comes across to me as trying to reassure you he will be by your side regardless. I suspect some men would exhibit ostrich syndrome in these circumstances - so seems like a walking green flag !

Hardly "out of the blue" or "without context", is it?

I can’t see a problem here @Footache12 .

Last week he was admitted to hospital and it wasn’t looking good, and Dh and I spoke about it at the time…

…(not sure if I’m describing that accurately, think hushed conversations on the phone with his mum using overly morose and dramatic language like ‘it’s not looking good’ etc).

Kindly you said the same thing in your opening of your post - “it wasn’t looking good”. It’s a gentle way of saying you were preparing for the worst.

He sounds the pragmatic one out of the both of you..

@Footache12 glad you have had time to dwell on this. I think your DH was being thoughtful in that he wants to be with you through a difficult time.

Similar situation here. I was glad he had an action plan to be with me when the worst happened. Sorry but I think you’re being over sensitive.

Any mention of your father potentially dying is bound to be upsetting but, in this case, it seems like your husband was letting you know that he's flagged to his work that this could happen and he's put them on notice that if it did he'd be expecting to take time out to be with you. It sounds quite a kind thing to do to me. He might have been a bit clumsy when he told you but, and I mean this kindly, pretty much any way he said it would have made you upset, just because of the nature of the topic.

Am I the only person here who thinks your OH’s employers should not be asking him to solve their problem. If he has to take emergency leave then they have to deal with that. They should have contingency plans to deal with any of their key/critical staff are off sick, leave, have emergency leave, etc. It’s not his problem to solve. He may be able to suggest mitigation but maybe he should ask what they would do if he had to be hospitalised with no notice ? At least they have some forewarning he may need to take emergency leave. I definitely think it’s insensitive of him to discuss it with you unless he is in a position to say he has had discussions at work and there are plans in place in case he has to tale emergency leave and you don't need to worry about whether he will be able to support you.

Where has the employer asked him to solve their problem? He has identified a gap and asked what the plans would be, essentially informing them they need to make a contingency plan. And yes, that contingency plan could be used in any short notice absence.

I think he was probably trying to provide reassurance to OP that he has been proactive about ensuring he will be in a position to help and support her as needed. Being 'blasé' about it is simply not making a big fuss, casually mentioning that he has started the conversation.

Sounds like a great husband if he’s already planning on how to support you with something horrible in the future.

Am I the only person here who thinks your OH’s employers should not be asking him to solve their problem.

They're not are they?

He asked them?

telling me that he had been asking at work today about what would happen with his critical workload...

I agree with you Op that there was no need for him to say anything to you.

No, I wouldn’t. I really don’t understand why the op’s husband is doing this. He seems self important and as if it’s all about him. If he really needs to forewarn work that he might need a day off to attend a funeral at some point in the next few years, he could make discreet enquiries at work, he certainly doesn’t need to mention it to op in such an insensitive way. Yes, she is worried that he might die soon but he could live a good few years yet and it’s weird for her husband to start planning - it’s not his father fgs. She didn’t ask him to make arrangements so why is he telling her this? I am sure his work can make arrangements to cover him at short notice without the world coming to an end. I find it a bit ghoulish - as if he wants to focus on death and a potential crisis - and what the op says about the way he talks to his mother backs up this perspective.

I think his delivery was probably insensitive but the intention behind it was good

You don’t think you also might need time off if your fil died? I certainly would.

If he’s usually “decent and sensitive” I’d be inclined to put this down to him being proactive in getting clarity on how he’ll ensure he’s available to provide you emotional and practical support when your DF sadly passes (hopefully many years hence). I suspect it’s been on his mind with the recent hospitalisation. In the same way this recent illness has reminded you that your lovely Dad won’t be here forever, it has likely given him the same jolt. Whilst the timing and delivery could have been better, I don’t think you can give him too much of a hard time over it.

I send my best wishes to you @Footache12 My Dad has a number of serious health conditions including diabetes, a heart condition (he’s had a triple bypass, on angina meds and has a pacemaker), has a type of blood cancer (myelodysplastic syndrome) and also familial high cholesterol from a faulty gene (which he very generously passed on to me and my two brothers - cheers Dad!). He was also recently in hospital for a week with a bad bout of D&V which, due to his other issues, led to jaundice/kidney problems and impacted his blood levels so badly he had to have a number of transfusions in addition to the antibiotics etc. Seeing him so poorly in his hospital bed really shook me. Whilst my Dad has always joked that he didn’t think he’d live long enough to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day (2019 thankfully🥰) and he’s more than happy to have made it to his early 70s, I think it scared him a little too. I spoke to my DH and am committed to doing everything to spend time with and enjoy my parents (Mum has some health problems too) for as long as I can.

Glad your Dad is feeling better.💙

Not just you. Thought that was a bit off myself.

once a dog of mine had a large cut needing stitches, i bathed it, it was only the skin & very little blood, went to vet with her & was just holding her as he was going to stitch just under local anaesthetic. Then i fainted! has never happened before or since but made me realise we don’t know how we’re going to react in new &/or extreme circumstances.
So don’t worry OP, just let DH organise himself (no skin off your nose anyway).
Sorry your DD has had this episode, hope you’re all feeling better soon.

OP I agree with other posters that what he’s done does seem entirely pragmatic and along the same lines as you say you are approaching the inevitable.

I’d also point out that you’ve suggested he writes people off and had contacted your mum using dramatic language like it’s not looking good. Yet this is exactly the phrase you used in the OP to describe the situation at the time.

i wonder if what you are doing is telling yourself you’re being very pragmatic about it but actually pushing down some of the worry, concern and raw feelings and directing them at your DH?

And as a side bar, I am female and my job is business critical. We have contingency plans in place for emergency leave. I don’t know why previous poster seems to think this is a male thing…

He sounds lovely @Footache12. He wants to be there for you if something was to happen and is being practical about it. Nice to read a thread here where the man is a good, decent guy and you can tell the OP that she's being unreasonable. But you are emotional so it's understandable.