To pass on a secret my DD shared with me?

Keep your gob tightly shut. There is NOTHING unusual or morally wrong or harmful or dangerous in what the child is doing. You will destroy your daughter's friendship and she will never. ever. forgive you or forget this.

What a fucking busybody.

I can’t imagine why she doesn’t tell you anything!

It is an awkward situation, but I would absolutely not share what your daughter told you unless you are worried that the friend is any danger. Your daughter will find out and you will have broken her trust completely.

If it ever happens again you might want to ask a few more questions eg if the friend had met the boy in real life. Does she know him and if he is the same age? Emphasize that her safety is the priority.

Just commenting to reiterate this correct statement

Honestly I get why you’d want to tell the mum as a mum to a DD who is the same age but just leave it. My DD is massive over sharer with me she tells me EVERYTHING about her and her friends. Sometimes I’m like seriously why are you telling me this but unless I think a child is in danger or something as a parent I’d want to know about my DD I just listen and nod lol!

Is this about you wanting to know if dd had met a year 7 boy at the park for a “date”? We live in a world that’s more controlled than when we were 11 (phone tracking etc) but secondary school aged kids still want the same things some space and privacy to have experiences like going on a date to the park after school.

If the boy was older then I’d be advising differently but ask dd how her friend’s date went. She will hopefully learn that you can be trusted with “secrets”

Kindly, I don't think you should just shut down the conversation OP. Most would say that you are quite far off the mark here and it might be worth engaging to understand why you are overly concerned and how you can better establish the right boundaries with your daughter for the future.

I'm currently in the same position. I know that the DD of a good friend of mine has a boyfriend. My friend doesn't know. Her DD confided in mine and my DD told me. They are mid-teens. Am I going to tell my friend? Absolutely not. My DD trusted me and I'm not going to betray that trust.

Definitely don’t. If you betray her trust now she will never confide in you again. She needs to know she can talk to you safely in case in future there’s something serious. A year seven girl going for a walk in a park with a year seven boy in broad daylight is nothing to get stressed about.

No, it's only a walk in the park. I wouldn't tell the mum and I wouldn't be bothered if a mum I was friends with didn't tell me similar. DS has told me a few things about his friends dating lives and I've just kept them to myself even when I know the mums.

If you want to keep channels wide open during the teenage years, then I'd suggest you might need some perspective.

The two things teenagers hate the most is broken trust/ promises and interference in matters of the heart.

Focus on your relationship with your dd, and let others focus on theirs. If the other girl was meeting someone in their mid 20s at a local hotel, then you might have a point. But not this.

Perhaps her friend isn't even going on a walk, your daughter just wanted to know what you thought about a walk. Your reaction to her friend's walk will inform your daughter whether to share with you when your daughter is invited on any dates.

I had a very similar conversation with my (slightly older) DD about one of her friends. Would I tell her friend’s mum? And we had a pretty grown up conversation along the lines of “it depends what it is. If your friend is dealing drugs/being abused/in danger etc, then that’s not a secret I’d be happy to keep and I’d expect her mum to tell me too. But if she’s snogged a boy behind the bike sheds it had a sneaky nip of the cooking sherry, then no, I won’t “tell on her””. This walk in the park sounds very much like it falls into the latter category to me - I’d stay well out of it if you want to be able to have an open dialogue with your DD.

If I had a dog and the time I might just find myself walking the dog in the park around the same time just to make sure she is indeed meeting a fellow 12 year old and not some middle aged bloke.

Your job as a mother is to support your daughter, be her confidante and don't betray her trust. If you do this now, and she finds out, who is she going to go to when she has serious teenage problems to resolve. My mother would have kept stumm but advised me what she thought was the best way forward. The other girl obviously has a relationship with her own mother which has nothing to do with you. Not your circus, not your monkeys. I am surprised you are even considering betraying your daughters secret. Also, the other mother may not welcome the news coming from you and have a go at her daughter so you will have upset three women, your daughter, the other mother and your daughter's friend. Also, think if your daughter's friend then says to your daughter 'I told you a secret and you told your mum. You may even destroy their friendship. Foolish to tell. Wise to keep silent and listen. Use that filter between your brain and mouth.

No I would not tell the other mum. They're in year 7, fair enough of she was meeting a 16 year old. At the end of the day, telling your friend risks compromising your relationship with your daughter, if it was me I would be prioritising my relationship with my daughter.

If your daughter told you her friend Sophie was meeting Jack In the park after school would you still feel the same need to tell Sophie's mum? Or is it just because the word 'date' has been used? Essentially the kids are what, 11 or 12...... hardly likely to be doing anything unsavoury, holding hands will probably embarrass them🤣

We don't all have time to read pages of responses before replying to see if ours is already covered. No point getting shirty because most people have the same opinion which differs from yours.

No I'd keep the secret. The lads same age. If she was year 7 and going with a lad in year 10 then I'd say something as that'd be very likely a problem but as they are same age it's fine.

I wouldn't betray my daughters trust over a walk in the park of kids the same age. You do this and she won't tell you secrets in the future when there may actually be reason to intervene.

Tbf, you did choose to put it on the busiest, and most ‘vicious’ board. There are other boards that you might find helpful in future, if you find yourself doubting what to do over the next few years, like ‘pre teens’ and ‘teenagers’ which tend to be helpful and are a little ‘gentler’.

I remember I confided in my aunt once and let her read my diary.

Nothing major.

She told my mom and I never confided in her again.

Unless you have genuine safety concerns I would keep out. Or at least speak with your daughter, let her know you think this should be shared with the friends mom (and why) and agree together what you wish to do.

Jeez I thought you were going to say a date with an 18 year old or something!
Nothing wrong with them having a date, she'll never trust you again if you go straight to the mum. Your priority is your relationship with your daughter, not the mum.

I don’t think anybody has been intentionally unkind. I think people are trying to help you with a bit of a reality check for the sake of a trusting relationship with your daughter.
The teenage years are so difficult to navigate - pick your battles 😀

100% this.

I have heard it all over the years as my DD is a sharer. Everything from friends of hers smoking, to having sex etc, some from quite a young age.

All I ever do is give her advice that she might want to share with her friends such as maybe she should talk to her mum, or the dangers of some drugs, or where to get free condoms etc. but I always keep it light and breezy. I would absolutely NEVER involve myself by calling their mums!