To pass on a secret my DD shared with me?

I'd be weirded out to receive such a call from another mum, tbh. So a woman calls me and tells me my yr7 daughter is going to the park with a yr7 boy, on a date. And? I'd be confused why is she telling me this. Is it some sort of shameful secret? Am I expected to do something about the said walk? Forbid it? I wouldn't be able to see the reason behind her telling me.

Now if it's a girl going on a 'date' with a 'boy' she chatted to online and never met in real life - that's different.

Children are entitled to some privacy. There is no safety issue here. No need to tell her mum anything, or stick your beak into this innocent scenario. It is nothing, just normal pre-teen gossip and making a drama of this by telling the child's mother is simply going to drive a wedge between you and DD. Stay out.

My mother is also a chronic anxious overthinker who always frets about what to do in situations involving other people’s lives.

So she goes around consulting all her friends and relatives for advice, making her the leakiest person ever to tell anything to. None of us tell her anything anymore.

At least you consult people anonymously on the internet, OP!

Do not tell the other mum. Really, really don’t. If it was something illegal or dangerous then probably. But this? Absolutely not.

My DDs are 17 and 15 and tell me ALL SORTS about what their friends are doing. I never, ever repeat any of it, even when I know their parents.

Unless someone was in immediate danger I would never do this, as I am their confidante and I want it to remain that way.

No, do not break your daughters trust over something like this.

It will, backfire badly if you say anything. It’s nothing worrying so no need

She’s meeting another 11/12 year old from school, not an 18 year old man. Your daughter will not forgive you if you betray her trust.

Wish I’d seen this before bothering to post.

‘Underthinker’.
You must know that such a betrayal (she SPECIFICALLY asked you not to tell the mum!) could potentially trash your relationship with your daughter, just as she’s heading into those teenage years?!

Nothing to do with you. Butt out.

Do not betray your daughter’s trust unless someone’s safety /life is at risk. She may lose her friendship over it and may never forgive you. And it’s only a walk through the park, which is quite likely as innocent as that.

You did the right thing coming here to double check.

My mum did this kind of thing and it ruined my friendships because I wasn’t really aware at first. It also meant I was blamed for quite a serious thing ‘getting out’.

It was never something I knew about so couldn’t have told my mum, but the girl who did know, who told her mum who then reported it, KNEW that I’d get the blame due to previous issues. This blame continued for years, through school, college and Uni!!

Your DD is your priority - don’t do anything to risk keeping communication open.

Why is someone telling their mum who is dating who?

You only ever break trust and/or your word of promise if a person is in significant danger to themselves or others.
This is not that.
Don’t kill your daughter’s trust in you and her social life at school in one fell swoop, OP.

A girl in year 7 going on a walk in the park with a boy in year 7? Not very dramatic. If the girl was like pregnant or doing drugs that's another thing. But this is just a harmless date.

I’ve told my kids I will keep any confidence they entrust in me unless I think someone is in serious danger or risk of harm. Year 7s “dating” is so innocent. Butt out.

You do that and your DD will NEVER trust you again.

You were told in confidence. Respect that.

(edited for typo)

hey op it’s just not about breaking your dd trust her friend might stop trusting your dd it is not fair to do this to her. it’s not your place to tell her mum. It’s usually pretty innocent at this age. Just don’t say anything.

This ^
please don’t tell her mum anything
it would be a forever lesson for your DD that you couldn’t be trusted and believe me it would have a very long consequences. It lead to me not sharing things with my mum forever and she is in her 80s now so you get the picture.

But there really is nothing to do. What made you even think this was a situation needing to be managed by anyone, let alone you?

OP, You might be Neurodiverse? I think this desire to share comes from wanting to be honest and open about everything and protect everyone's safety. Please don't shame yourself for having the thought of sharing this information. At the same time, sharing this will definitely distance your DD from you which you will probably regret.

Please do not say anything. With children of this age especially DDs we are all becoming attuned to behaviour progressing from 'innocent' to 'cause for alarm'.
Wait until you have reason to be worried, by then your DD will also be concerned and you can respond accordingly.
But please NOT now.

I think you might want to explore with your dd why her friend feels the need to keep this from her own mum and have a general chat about when its ok to keep secrets and when not. Also worth gently pointing out that part of being safe is ensuring that people who care about you know where you are. But I absolutely would NOT tell other girls mum as yes your dd will never tell you anything again.

I understand worrying about the right thing to do but the bar for breaching your daughter's trust needs to be quite high, I don't think many people will think this meets it. The mum might already know about it.