Giving my inheritance to my mother?

Book an appointment with an independent financial advisor to see how best to invest the money for yourself. Your financial goals should be your own financial sustainability & security.

My personal breakdown would be:
Clearing debts - credit cards/loans - £10k (Any remainder to be transferred to mortgage)
Overpayment on mortgage - £20
Saving for your child's university fees - £20k ISA
Pension - I'd stick £10k straight in my pension
Savings - £10k straight into premium bonds

There's your £70k allocated to essential personal expenditure, there's no room there to fund a woman who is renovating her mansi9n abroad. Life in the UK is becoming increasingly expensive and you've been given a gift from your dad. Do not waste it on your mother, step father and his family, your father's wish was for the money to go to you only.

So she did it, and I did uk stuff when I could.. anyway, since she’s doing up her mansion she’s got bank account infrastructure and I haven’t. Anyway when the foreign stuff was being dealt with, there was maybe 1k equivalent in pounds that accumulated and it’s still sitting there in her account. Initially she said she’ll give it to me, I said wait because there might be other random fees and wanted things to settle and what’s the point me then sending her money for random fees. She was like no no but said okay eventually after like two seconds haha
Anyway six months later it’s still there. I know it’s a relatively small amount compared to the full 70 but like.. did she accept it? Did she spend it on the mansion? I’m sure if I pressed, she’d give it to me. But like hm. Idk if it were my kid I’d just send the money

I would just be prepared to let that go. It seems reasonable recompense for the work she put in and not worth quibbling over, so I wouldn't mention it again.

However, the £70,000 is yours so there is no way you should give any of that to her!

Of course she’s going to expect more later!

I think she didn’t look after your financial interests when you were children, she didn’t fight your dad for money on your behalf.

She put things right now, after he died by sorting out the paperwork. You don’t owe her this money now. And she is fine.

keep it for your oven children and don’t make the same mistakes your mother made.

I guess I don’t want any obligation later on ...

You've mentioned this a few times, OP, but after caring for her own mother do you seriously think she won't expect the same from you?

Even if she does move abroad she'd probably take the view that further ££££ would be acceptable in lieu of actual care, but either way you'll almost certainly be guilt tripped for the rest of her life

As PPs have said you're a mother yourself now and your responsibility is to your immediate family, so you might want to put this idea out of your mind completely

Nope. Hell no, you have your immediate family to support and plan for.

If she regrets the choices she made 25 years ago, that is entirely her problem, not yours.

My thoughts are that you don’t know what’s round the corner. You need to keep the money for your own financial,security. Your family our your priority now, not your mum.

A 500k pension drawn down at 4% which is probably about right to not affect the capital only gives you an annual income of £20k. Plus state pension = £31k or so. It's brilliant compared to many people, considering no housing costs but not gazillions. It sounds like your DM sees property as important which many people seem to in the older generation.

The main thing is that you are not loopy - you are confused and seeing all sides and so can't make a decision. Assuming you just want some kind of inner peace...for that to happen you just need to trust that things will work out in the end...so the best thing to do with the money is nothing.

Stick it in a low cost global index tracker and let it compound. Then you can decide when you need to decide.

This! Your mum isn’t part of the equation

I remember when I was pregnant, crying in the car because I had just had the best salad I ever ate in my life and I new nothing would ever taste as good again.

(I don’t normally cry and I don’t even like salad.)

You have just lost your mind a bit, it’s ok. Don’t give her the money, it’s for you.

Put the money into a new account called it ‘inheritance’ and leave it.

Don’t make any financial decisions until your new baby is about 7 years old. All the best.

But she is being petty by claiming yours though?

I am Asian too and belive me i know how these relatives work, they suck you dry and spit you out and move onto their next victim. However, if you need help then they're nowhere to be seen.

Ask her for a loan in front of your stepfather and see what reaction you get. That will be your answer. Remember if you give your inheritance to your mum and she dies before your stepdad then he'll inherit your dad's money and not you or his biological grandchild. Ask yourself, is this right?

Then she could be entitled to some of his estate. However, this is for her to discuss with a lawyer. It's not up to children to make up for the sins of the father.

I'm Asian too, believe me, I know the urge to protect mum is strong. But it shouldn't mean giving up your inheritance.

Did your mum and dad have a financial agreement when they divorced?

Yeah, you've gone loopy OP 😁Your father left YOU an inheritance, not your mother.

I’d give her 2k (1k as payment for her time sorting the inheritance out and another 1k because you’re kind and want to spoil her.

The rest should go to you. Your DM and have your kids to prioritise.

Your DM and DD made their choices years ago and could have made different choices at the time. The divorce funds were finalised many years ago. There is no roll over obligation, that’s not how things work.

Yep, hormones have made you go loopy. This is your money to keep for your little family's future.
Enjoy.
Sorry about your dad 💐

i grew up with a single mum and always thought we were poor. My mum didn’t work and would often complain about not being able to afford things, I would consciously try not to ask for much, and I got a job at 14 to pay for my own clothes etc.

turns out she was relatively loaded with a private income, investments, mortgage free house etc. she was just shit with money and spent it like water.

I used to even bail her out now and again when I had spare case and she was “skint”.

some people have a skewed idea of money. She may be pleading sacrifice, but that may be her own view…