Safeguarding called me today regarding DD4

So many people suggesting wording that is only possible in hindsight. The friend hasn't heard anything about an arm. They reported the child saying mummy hurt me.

"Did mummy hurt you?" is a leading question. However, it's also the only question that they could use with the information they had. With an older child, they might have said "what is it like at home?" "Does anyone ever hurt you at home?" But this is a four year old. The child pointed to an arm which had no injuries.

Therefore, there was no reason to escalate further, but a conversation with the parent is exactly what we are trained to do in these situations. The reason for this is that some parents, when told about this, might admit to it. It sounds mad, but I've had many parents tell me that they hit their kids, because they think that's fine, or because they're admitting that they're completely overwhelmed. Other parents might be really aggressive about it. Either of those situations are reasons to escalate to social services.

A parent who is baffled and distraught is not a red flag.

I don't think they've gone about this in a bad way. It was either ask a leading question or ignore it completely.

Have you read the thread? The teacher handled it incorrectly. She asked the child a leading question that would result in an unsafe answer should there have been a genuine safeguarding issue.

Rule #1 in safeguarding training is that you should not ask leading questions. Such young children are particularly likely to give yes answers to leading questions, as they're natural people pleasers, particularly with their teachers

Have only read 1st page here, so if i’m repeating what some1 else says please ignore/delete:
Is it possible that ‘other’ child who reported the fantasy hurt, could themselves have experienced something. It seems significant to me that the interrogating teacher is wording the question in a VERY leading way.

Best practice would've been to log what the other child said then ask your child 'are you hurt?' and start the conversation from there.

As someone who has been trained in safeguarding this question would ntk be appropriate. We are meant to ask open questions rather than yes or no questions.

In this case I would have taken child aside and said 'i heard you tell x you got hurt' or something like that which would open the conversation without affirming what you already heard.

You’re not being crazy.

They’ve really failed here. Asking leading questions and then calling and saying “she said you hurt her”. If you were abusive, that would be a huge mistake

The question should have been phrased more like ...' tell me about your arm '
Or 'tell me why your arm hurts ' ..I heard you tell your friend your arm hurts...can you tell me why
But we are all human...no excuse I know .

What if their false accusations leads to someone harming themselves, or a relationship breakdown?

Often these things have a reasonable explanation - kid was about to run in the road so mum grabbed her arm for example, kid just remembers "mummy hurt my arm"

Or, frazzled stressed parent admits they lost their temper and slapped child on the arm - opens the conversation for safeguarding to offer support (parenting course etc) before situation escalates.

A teacher, trained in safeguarding, asked your four year old a leading question about being abused?.

Really?

Did the same teacher examine your daughters arm by any chance?

Oh my goodness. This is madness

Of course they handled it correctly. There’s a reason they have such a high bar and it’s to stop actual harm. This has happened to me before - I get that it’s horrid for all involved but we all have a duty of care to make sure it’s as simple as possible for the school. If you kick up a fuss, what if they turn a blind eye to real abuse next time ?

I think this is insane. It’s gone way too far imo and the person who thought you could ask a 4 year old that sort of question and get a reliable answer is really an idiot. I don’t understand how there’s not enough staff yet they have time for this sort of faff?? From an outside perspective I find the UK primary school system mad. It’s full of over reach into families lives’ and not enough effort on actually helping children learn key life skills.

My children are older now (teens) and this has happened a few times. I’d MUCH rather be asked, called by social services etc and talk through things as I know my children are safe, some other poor children absolutely do need this support to keep them safe.

That's so scary......

They should ask open ended questions not leading ones so you’re right about feeling uneasy with “did mummy hurt you?” But I think you’re in a tricky position here as if you bring this up with school you’ll look defensive. I know it must feel awful but remember schools get this all the time and the current and new school will know that children get things wrong sometimes

I don’t understand everyone saying OP should be grateful. At the end of the day they’ve put words in her DD’s mouth and made a pretty serious accusation with absolutely no reliable evidence.

OP, I’d be contacting them to let them know they’re gone about this in entirely the wrong way. None of the sycophantic bollocks about being oh so grateful, because it’s rubbish. If they did this for a child who was actually being abused, it could end up in their death.

It’s horrid having those calls but as you recognise they are done for your child’s best interest.

They have to log a response.

At around 6yo my fs said I’d hit his round the head with his bookbag as we left.

They asked me if there had been an incident with ds bookbag and hitting him round the head.

I said “yes, I had his bookbag in the hand I was opening the front door with and ds decided to duck under and the bookbag hit his head and he’d even told me I’d “hit him” with it at the time” 🤷‍♀️😂

Those who work with children are very aware of their literal words and their imaginations and can piece together what happened easily.

But they can’t risk missing something because it makes us feel uncomfortable.

If a parent was hurting her, I'm not sure it would be a great idea to tell them what their DD had disclosed at school?

I would not worry.
Some concerns are raised every other day about children , everything is recorded to build up a picture .
It's only if there is a pattern emerging that there would be anything done about it.
I know it can be very upsetting .

This happened to a friend of mine ..her DH was brushing the DC hair and she told her teacher daddy hurt me in the bedroom
Safeguarding was called ,police involved.dh told he couldn't go back to the home .police searched the house and took away items of the child clothes.
Took months to sort out ..then dad was allowed home ..no apologies,no we did the wrong thing . nothing... everyone knew ..gossip horrendous..
Two kids in primary,both had to change schools ..well they didn't have to ..but parents felt relationship with school had broken down ..
No injuries on child ever ...she just hadn't liked having her hair combed