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Original poster

Is it normal to spend every evening in the pub?

34 replies

HappyDreamer · 11/09/2025 20:32

Is it normal to spend every evening in the pub? My MIL spends every night in the pub and drinks everyday. Personally I think she has a problem if she’s drinking in the pub every day. Obviously it’s up to her what she wants to do but I feel she prioritises this over seeing her granddaughter which she’s visited at my home once and we are expected to take her to the pub to visit. Our relationship has definitely changed since having my 18 month old. If my partner drinks etc she thinks it’s absolutely fine and he then thinks his behaviour is ok. I’m not denying people having fun when they are kid free and on the weekends but drinking every day I think is too much especially with a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
HappyDreamer · 11/09/2025 20:50

aCatCalledFawkes · 11/09/2025 20:44

Is she by herself? Is this a social thing where she sees friends in the pub or is she sat by herself.
I don't think it's normal at all to go everyday but my brother and his wife have a huge amount of friendships down the pub and go at least once a week but it was more before they had a baby. There wedding had a whole group of people that they only knew from the pub.

It is a social think to be fair and she does have lots of friends down the pub. I think it bothers me as I wish she could make more time to see us but I just need to get over it really!

OP posts:
NoSoupForU · 11/09/2025 20:50

I don't understand why you're so down on your MIL for going to the pub everyday instead of seeing your child, but not down on your partner who does the same thing and actually has responsibilities to your child.

In my world it isn't normal to go to the pub everyday though, no.

aCatCalledFawkes · 11/09/2025 20:44

Is she by herself? Is this a social thing where she sees friends in the pub or is she sat by herself.
I don't think it's normal at all to go everyday but my brother and his wife have a huge amount of friendships down the pub and go at least once a week but it was more before they had a baby. There wedding had a whole group of people that they only knew from the pub.

EasyTouch · 11/09/2025 20:44

A lot of adults prefer adults company once their child resting days are over. In the UK, this often means the pub.
You will need to identify what you are cheesed off/ concerned about.
Is it that your MIL has decided that active, maternal grandmothering is not for her?
Is it that your child is missing out on a relationship with a grandmother, even though you think that she drinks too much?
Or is it that her lifestyle choices have meant that she cannot depended on to sometimes look after the child?
Or is it her well being that you are concerned about?

Identifying your true issue with her will stop you festering about things out of your control.

Original poster
HappyDreamer · 11/09/2025 20:39

verycloakanddaggers · 11/09/2025 20:38

I'd say going to the pub every day is within the range of normal, but drinking everyday is obviously unhealthy and suggests alcohol dependence if not alcoholism.

But you can't make people change if they don't want to.

Completely, I just need to focus on my baby and not worry about what others are doing

OP posts:
Shelllendyouhertoothbrushtoo · 11/09/2025 20:39

Sounds dreamy. (As I battle my youngest in the shower an hour after bedtime while the other two announce they're STARVING and I realise I've got at least 2 loads of washing and drying to sort tonight).

verycloakanddaggers · 11/09/2025 20:38

I'd say going to the pub every day is within the range of normal, but drinking everyday is obviously unhealthy and suggests alcohol dependence if not alcoholism.

But you can't make people change if they don't want to.

Original poster
HappyDreamer · 11/09/2025 20:38

Childanddogmama · 11/09/2025 20:35

No its not typical but if that's what she chooses to do, then there's nothing you can do. You can't make her be a different grandparent.
How much and often does your partner drink?

Yes I just need to accept that and I will just do my thing! It varies but he will have a pint everyday after work sometimes two and it’s caused an argument this evening because I asked him can he make 2/3 nights instead but he said when he feels stressed it’s his way of chilling out and he’s home by six so doesn’t think it’s a problem

OP posts:
Childanddogmama · 11/09/2025 20:35

No its not typical but if that's what she chooses to do, then there's nothing you can do. You can't make her be a different grandparent.
How much and often does your partner drink?