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Original poster

Treated like I’m not family

140 replies

MrsKnob · 11/09/2025 20:29

Wise mumsnetters please tell me if I’m being unreasonable.

my father in law has just sadly just passed away, he was at home with his family, and died peacefully. We are all devastated as you can imagine.

when he found out him and my 13 year old daughter have rushed over to in laws house to be with family. I got up to go with them and he told me it’s better if I stay home, when pushed he said because I’m not related/ family.

im absolutely devastated and fuming at the same time. Am I being unreasonable.

OP posts:
EWAB · 11/09/2025 20:54

Who else would be there though? I wouldn’t want my siblings’ partners there after a parent died.

Gagaandgag · 11/09/2025 20:52

Is it out of character?

Candlesandmatches · 11/09/2025 20:49

Thats very sad. It is out of character?
That must have been very upsetting for you. ☹️

Mrsttcno1 · 11/09/2025 20:47

Have you always gotten along with his family OP?

SpamBeansAndWaffles · 11/09/2025 20:46

Maybe it was just the shock. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt under the circumstances

Gonk123 · 11/09/2025 20:46

Ooo seems harsh - presume you have always got on with his family?

AllrightNowBaby · 11/09/2025 20:45

Well you might be feeling a bit put out but I hope you are ready to be empathetic with your Dh when he returns, as his Dad has just died.

Childanddogmama · 11/09/2025 20:45

Wow after 17 years he thought that was an okay thing to say!! He will have a hard time coming back from that.

Original poster
MrsKnob · 11/09/2025 20:43

Yes we’re married, 17 years now, and yes he made it clear that I wasn’t welcome. And yes I do all the wife work

OP posts:
GiraffesAtThePark · 11/09/2025 20:41

I guess the he is your husband.

It’s not nice to hear but given the circumstances I’d try let it go. Unless there are other issues.

Candlesandmatches · 11/09/2025 20:39

Do you mean your DH said that you are not welcome?
But your DD - his and your DD will go over together?

And you are married?

WashableVelvet · 11/09/2025 20:36

I don’t feel I’m related to my in laws. And I can imagine if my parent died, preferring to just be with my own family members not my siblings’ partners etc.

Thevibb · 11/09/2025 20:32

Let me find a way to make it all about me.

Ohmeohmyohme · 11/09/2025 20:32

That’s awful. I’d forgive him due to the shock, but saying it in front of the 13 year old is horrible. I expect he’ll want you to lean on in coming days, I’m not sure how I’d be feeling about that.

Coldnightsapproachingwhereismyduvet · 11/09/2025 20:31

Time to reconsider your relationship imo. Bet you do all the Wife Work for your not family....

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