RSV season warning in family chat

It’s so weird, it’s usually the other way around don’t kiss the DC because they’re ill and I wouldn’t want family member/elderly GPs getting ill.

It’s okay for her to have that as a boundary. As others have said, no one absolutely needs to kiss the kids. RSV can be quite serious.

It’s okay for you to have boundaries too, and to say that you don’t want to have them over when they are ill. It comes off as immature if you are only asserting that boundary because she has one, however, rather than an actual need on your part.

That's such an immature way to respond.

I agree with you that it’s a bit much, but obviously a lot of other people don’t agree from the replies - why are you then arguing with everyone who doesn’t agree? What’s the point in asking the question then? Seems like your mind is made up.

Fine. No skin off your nose. However, it works both ways - and they are far more likely to be ill than you so I’d say ‘gosh you’re so right, we also don’t want to get ill so we won’t be babysitting until we are through the sickness season next Spring.’

Cuddles to comfort will do honestly, you might think it's unreasonable but it's just what the parents want, that's the way it is. The kids aren't going to miss being kissed by myriad relatives, their parents as their primary caregivers will still be giving them kisses. Modern parents do see the worst of what can happen via social media etc and if it spooks them enough to take these measures then thats just a parenting decision like many.

Taking umbridge at not even kissing on the hand is strange when children constantly put their hands on or in their mouth so its a direct passable infection point.

Enjoy the cuddles.

Obviously she’s being a bit silly but she’s obviously very anxious and just wants to keep her kids safe.

It’s not personal to you.

Your only reply should be ok.

My baby spent a long time intubated on PICU with RSV and other conditions it caused, so it doesn’t feel that ridiculous to me.

That sounds like a great idea…if you want to fall out with SIL forever. My daughter has four children, 5 and under, and has never really liked lots of people kissing them, especially on the face. They are her children; it’s her decision. They are the cuddliest, squidgiest most loving little children. They gets buckets of attention, just ease up on the kissing.

For the posters who struggle with reading comprehension

RSV is NOT just a cold

@AutumnIsHereAnd stop stamping your foot and playing tit for tat. You aren't coming across well, especially as this thread isn't going the way you want it to.

Also, lots of posters have asked if you have children of your own and you have evaded answering. Do you have children?

I think she's made up the RSV concern because she doesnt want you slobbering over her kids and doesn't know how to say it.

Maybe you should stop offering to baby sit.

And where are the children's father in all this? Is she your partners sister or siblings wife? Is everyone else horrified at the no kissing rule or just you?

Do you have children OP? I’m wondering if you’ve considered if your SIL is struggling, at the end of her tether with sick children, and just trying to do what she can to get control (you are right of course about where the bugs are coming from, but not much can be done about getting ill from nursery!)

I just think rather than getting offended, perhaps just remember how hard it must be with two poorly little ones under 2.

Do not dismiss it as a common cold!

For the under 2yrs, it is a more serious viral respiratory illness, that causes wheeze and shortness of breath, with the worst symptoms occuring between days 3-5. Most children are safe to be left at home, but it can take up to 6 weeks for intermittent wheezing the coughing to fully go away.

If a child is under 9mths when they get RSV/bronchiolitis then they are more likely to need to go to hospital.

Yes it is extremely common with 90% of children having it by the time they are 2, but it isnt anything mild for them. They have created a immunisation for it now as well, although only offered to pregnant women and elderly.

YOU'RE AN ADULT FFS!!!!
You clearly are not hearing or wanting to receive the advice you are being given on this chat.
She is their mother and has the right to tell you what you can and cant do around HER children.
RSV can and is deadly!!!! It isnt just a fucking common cold!!!!

It's not perfectly normal to have a strop if the parents ask you not to. Nobody needs to kiss another person's child, a hug is more than sufficient.

Sorry but you sound like the worst kind of relative. Your SIL has asked a pretty basic request of you, you can comfort them without kissing them. I get cold sores and don’t kiss my child if there is any sniff of them, I can still comfort my child more than effectively. You SIL may have seen some horrible cases of RSV, this may be advise she has been given and taken on. What ever the reason, she is doing it because she cares about the health of her children and she is putting that before the judgement of some family members 👀 I feel sad for her that she is getting this level of judgement from her SIL for something that really has such little impact on you.

OP can show affection, just not by unnecessary kissing.

Are you really sure that the issue isn't that she just wants you to stop kissing her children, and she's looking for a less confrontational way to do it?

I personally wouldn’t baby sit, OP but my nephews are snotty little monsters and every time I see them I’m ill for weeks after. I work with kids so you’d think my immune system was stronger but these two knock me out.

Why are people being mental about an auntie giving her nephews a little kiss on the cheek. Perfectly normal. Sorry but this is one of the most unhinged threads I’ve seen in ages.

I wouldn't babysit for the duration, simply because if your SIL is a wee bit anxious and one of the children does get ill, you are going to the get the blame. You 'must have accidentally' kissed them. So I'd just say that, to avoid the responsibility or the possibility, you won't be looking after them alone until the RSV season is over.

That way it can't be your fault if they do get ill (they will, from nursery) and your SIL might see that it's impossible to keep small children from catching things when they mix with others of the same age. She may have a genuine cause for concern, she may have health anxiety, she may have PPD, but it's up to her.

I’m not sure why you’ve posted on here - you clearly only want to hear those expressing your own opinion and want to refute any other position.

RSV categorically isn’t “just a cold” even though it might be convenient for you to believe that. It can be incredibly serious and lead to other complications, hospitalisation, and death.

It’s hardly a major inconvenience for you just to refrain from kissing them. It’s just amazing how some people will put their own (very minor) wants above a wee one’s health - particularly one you supposedly care about.

Grow up!

No i agree with her. My son had rsv as a 4 month old and he was extremely poorly in hospital.
Unless you've been through it then you probably think people are over reacting.

So the OP has read many accounts of parents who have sat beside the hospital beds of their children, many age over 1, desperately ill (or worse sadly) with RSV and she is still willing to put her right to a kiss above a reasonable request. Says more about her than her SIL.

Haven't RTFT admittedly but yeah, that's bonkers. I do have an immunocompromised child, and the only time we've issued that warning was the first winter (hmm, and maybe the second?) after he had his transplant as a baby. Because the balance of keeping him well was so delicate at that stage, he wasn't at nursery etc, it was necessary. Now, in real life, he goes to school, clubs etc, and gets colds. Yes he can get sicker than others if he catches something, but that's the risk that living life carries. Obviously everyone's barometers for tolerance and what's acceptable is different, but bonds with loved ones are important and unless they're going to encase themselves in a bubble from now until spring and never go anywhere, their rule is just pointless 🤷‍♀️