Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

RSV season warning in family chat

393 replies

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 17:28

My SIL has today shared a “warning” in our family group chat to say we are no longer allowed to kiss my nephews (even on the HAND!), because of “RSV season”. The boys are 4 and 15 months. AIBU to think this is absolutely ridiculous, especially given the fact they’re the ones who are always poorly?! She’s said if any of us kiss them we won’t be seeing them for the rest of winter!

OP posts:
RustyBear · 12/09/2025 09:02

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 17:57

I’d get it if this was a thing every year, but it’s sudden this year. I think that she’s being OTT, especially over a cold. It would be different if she was this hesitant when they’re poorly, but she’s happy for them to get me sick!

Show quote history

Maybe she’s pregnant again but doesn’t want to tell anyone yet - RSV can cause problems in pregnancy.

Jimmyneutronsforehead · 12/09/2025 08:57

Children under 5 are the most likely age group to die from contracting RSV.

Your sister in law has set a boundary, respect it.

GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 08:55

Delatron · 12/09/2025 08:50

Not really - why should OP pick up all her kids illnesses but she won’t let OP comfort her kids. It’s very hypocritical.

Now obviously OP can be the better person and just say ‘fine’. And I’m sure she will and is just venting on here.

To be fair, I wouldn’t be kissing any kids through winter..

Show quote history

She is allowed to comfort them though - a hug is more than sufficient. There's no need to kiss other people's children.

Delatron · 12/09/2025 08:53

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 19:33

I just find it to be utter bullshit. She has no issue with the kids at nursery, but does with family?!

Yes it is all a bit crazy and I have no idea why people are defending her on here. Her kids are much more likely to make you ill but she doesn’t care about that when she wants free babysitting.

I’m guessing when you’re ill you have to take time off work? All became she wants a night out when her kids are ill. Yet you’re the bad guy…hmm

PigletSanders · 12/09/2025 08:51

Amazed at the amount of adults who seem to lack self control when it comes to kissing other people’s children. Just…don’t?

Delatron · 12/09/2025 08:50

GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 08:21

That's such an immature way to respond.

Show quote history

Not really - why should OP pick up all her kids illnesses but she won’t let OP comfort her kids. It’s very hypocritical.

Now obviously OP can be the better person and just say ‘fine’. And I’m sure she will and is just venting on here.

To be fair, I wouldn’t be kissing any kids through winter..

PigletSanders · 12/09/2025 08:49

AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 08:26

She doesn’t care about anyone but herself though, so she doesn’t care if they make us ill.

Show quote history

So this is a thread because you hate your SIL and want us to all join you in a pile-on, because you’d enjoy that?

saraclara · 12/09/2025 08:47

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 18:44

I’ve sent a message to say that if this is how it’ll be, I’ll no longer be babysitting or seeing them

Show quote history

I was with you until that. You've totally out-batshitted her now.

Those poor kids. They love their auntie, but now they won't see you. And the four year old will soon find out that it's your choice not to set him.

You love them enough to kiss them, but not enough to act like an adult.

justasking111 · 12/09/2025 08:46

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 17:32

So he had a medical condition? Neither of my nephews do, and they’re never unwell to the point they’re in A&E

Show quote history

She's pissed off with nursing sick kids all winter.

I've had a winter like that it was long and depressing.

Gofaster2023 · 12/09/2025 08:44

And don't cut off your nose to spite your face. If you want to kiss them, you obviously love them and like seeing them. So just behave in a way that their parent likes which is in no way detrimental to your relationship with the child. Win win.

Gofaster2023 · 12/09/2025 08:40

As a teacher, I am very close with my kids, I hug them, hold their hands, listen to their stories. They ask if they can come to my house to play and on multiple occasions have had children ask if they can live with me! Never have I kissed them. Just stop kissing her children.

Francestein · 12/09/2025 08:40

Okay - easy solution. Let her know that you will not be babysitting if they have runny noses, etc.

RampantIvy · 12/09/2025 08:40

AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 08:26

She doesn’t care about anyone but herself though, so she doesn’t care if they make us ill.

Show quote history

You don't care about her either, do you.

@CracklingFlames please go and educate yourself about RSV Hmm

HoLeeFuk · 12/09/2025 08:40

GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 08:38

It's irrelevant, the parent has asked for no kisses and OP has to respect that.

Show quote history

It's relevant to me.

GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 08:38

HoLeeFuk · 12/09/2025 08:35

I'd like to know what are the chances of transmiting RSV through extended direct contact overnight with hugs but not kisses, and the same but with kisses.

It's irrelevant, the parent has asked for no kisses and OP has to respect that.

HoLeeFuk · 12/09/2025 08:35

I'd like to know what are the chances of transmiting RSV through extended direct contact overnight with hugs but not kisses, and the same but with kisses.

MaurineWayBack · 12/09/2025 08:33

AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 06:52

I just think it’s back hypocrisy. Take last December, she drops the (then) 5 month old and 3 year old off. “Oh, 3 year old has a bit of a runny nose but it’s just the sniffles” as she runs out of the door to go out. Meanwhile both kids are bunged up, not able to sleep, screaming most of the night and I ended up on antibiotics because of the resulting sinus and chest infections I picked up. She sees absolutely no issue in doing this, but I can’t kiss them on the forehead?

Show quote history

So your problem isn’t the RSV.
Your problem is the hypocrisy.

I have to say I agree too that you don’t need to go nuclear, it is hugely frustrating, I get that.
But then it’s also very easy to say ‘seeing we’re back into the cold/flu/RSV season, I’m not looking after any child who has even some sniffles. I was too unwell last time’
That way You’re pointing out her hypocrisy and protecting yourself from any virus/bacteria going round.

GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 08:32

AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 08:26

She doesn’t care about anyone but herself though, so she doesn’t care if they make us ill.

Show quote history

You don't like her very much, do you?
Why do you have an issue with her setting boundaries for her own children?
By all means ask if they've had bugs recently, that's normal, but your flouncing and overreaction is ridiculous.

Teachingagain · 12/09/2025 08:32

AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 06:45

sorry that happened. But these kids are older, and also always passing on bugs to us. So it’s pretty hypocritical of her.

Show quote history

RSV can be dangerous for all under 5s as well as the elderly

Mumtobabyhavoc · 12/09/2025 08:29

Kids get sick. Many get sick often.
RSV isn't a joke though.
We had it last year (Jan '24) and both my dc ended up in emergency at the hospital. My older dc needed a rescue steroid to open airway and my NB and I were admitted for 3 days with baby on oxygen, lumbar puncture contemplated, multiple tests etc. i was coughing so violently I worried I'd break a rib or open up my healing belly from c-section.
For many RSV is a bad cold, but for some it's much much worse.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/09/2025 08:28

AutumnIsHereAnd · 11/09/2025 18:09

Then she also needs to stop sending them to me when they’re sick? It’s a two way street and given how little she cares for us, I find her request ridiculous.

Show quote history

Why don't you reply and say 'great idea to try and limit the spread of illness this winter. I'd also like to avoid getting ill, so a heads up of any bugs they'll boys have got before seeing us would be great'

Original poster
AutumnIsHereAnd · 12/09/2025 08:26

BluntPlumHam · 12/09/2025 08:22

It’s so weird, it’s usually the other way around don’t kiss the DC because they’re ill and I wouldn’t want family member/elderly GPs getting ill.

She doesn’t care about anyone but herself though, so she doesn’t care if they make us ill.

OP posts:
GleisZwei · 12/09/2025 08:25

CracklingFlames · 12/09/2025 08:23

I completely agree with you @AutumnIsHereAnd

Why?
Do you also have a burning need to kiss other people's children and no real understanding of RSV?

CracklingFlames · 12/09/2025 08:23

I completely agree with you @AutumnIsHereAnd

NotPerfectlyAdverage · 12/09/2025 08:23

Just don't kiss them then. Tell them to go mummy or daddy to be settled. Tell sil you don't feel comfortable settling them or babysitting during bug season..can't have it both ways.

I do think that family set the tone for how the relationship with little kids will play out long term so she might need to have a think on that.