New relationship and ‘bodily functions’

“In pain”?!? Come off it. People hold it in at work and they aren’t all in agony are they? Been with my husband almost 20 years and we don’t fart in front of each other. There’s zero need.

Just drop your guts OP. Sometimes it just needs to be done.

FOR THE 10th TIME. I DON'T SHIT MYSELF. 😅
SHARTING EXISTS.

My brother would have loved this.

@EmeraldShamrock000

I very rarely fart, probably once a day, never around anyone...
It's rude, smelling someone's full.bowel, the potential for shitting your underwear is enough to put me off.

I agree with @TrimayrAcademy you need to see a doctor. There is something wrong with you if you 'risk' shitting in your underwear when you fart.

@UnctuousUnicorns

30 years together and we've never deliberately broken wind in front of each other, certainly not in our waking hours. It would be gross and disrespectful to.

I don't give a shit if anyone thinks I'm a prude, I'd rather that than be married to some slob who sits on the sofa shifting his arse cheek to let one out while I'm sitting across from or beside him. Fuck that. Or not, I should say.

LMFAO! Your pearls must be like crumbs right now from all that clutching! 😆
I can just see the cats bum mouth on you now! 😆

@MyDeftHedgehog · Today 16:45

Reading this post I conclude their must be a lot of people who must bust a gut trying not to fart in front their partner, even after years together 😳
I also dispute the people who claim they dont fart. Yes you do!! Just be honest 🤣🤣

Exactly. I call bullshit! 😆

@cattykinns · Today 16:49

OP just bloody fart if you need to! If he finds it offensive then he’s a plank!
completely normal to fart! But this is MN where no one ever farts and if they do it’s only tiny lady pumps that smell like sunshine and done in another room.

😆LOL! The way some people on here are acting all superior because they allegedly NEVER fart in front of their partner - or anyone - EVER is laughable. No-one's impressed, even if it is true. (Which I am struggling to believe!)

Ah ha yes. Batshit comment on a batshit thread! You do see some glorious batshittery, and pearl clutching on Mumsnet. Couples who have been together for 20-30+ years, who have allegedly never cracked off a fart in front of each other. (She probably waits for him to leave the house to have a shit.) 😆

Whilst I don't think it's particularly nice to keep farting in front of your partner, it's a new kind of batshit to be together long term, living together, married, with children, shagging, getting intimate, being naked together, seeing each others good and bad sides, having a shared history together, births of children, deaths of family members, and all sorts of personal events and trauma together, whilst never EVER farting in front of one another. (A perfectly normal bodily function.)

Mumsnet never ceases to amaze me. DH and I don't sit there farting constantly, but if we do need to fart, we just do so, we don't leave the fucking house and go in the garden, or the bathroom. 😂

Mumsnet really is a Parallel Universe! I couldn't live like this!

20+ years in, yes we do fart, everybody does and no, neither of us care. If it’s particularly impressive sometimes one of us will say “frogs?” No idea why, we just do, but it’s always funny! We are the only people we each do it in front of though.
If all goes to plan, we will be looking after each other when we are old and infirm, when a fart will be the least of our worries.

We didn't 'let it rattle' in church because we knew that would be wrong

I went to a boarding school with wooden pews in its chapel that reverberated and magnified even the most innocuous little fart into something akin to a sonic boom. Farting in chapel was basically competitive. It's almost like it was designed with the ribald amusement of English Public schoolboys in mind.

What’s wrong with going to the bathroom to let it out..? You certainly don’t have to hold it in until it’s painful or let it out in the same room as him. There are middle grounds.

My partner and I aren’t shy about bodily functions. However, this doesn’t make them pleasant. We can laugh about our farts and sometimes they do just happen but out of consideration and love we try to do them in a different room from where we’re trying to relax together.

I was brought up in a no-holds-barred household when it came to farting. My mum, a woman of otherwise exemplary manners, even had a little rhyme she liked to repeat after she had 'broken wind':

Wherever you be
Let your wind go free.
In church or chapel
Let it rattle.

We didn't 'let it rattle' in church because we knew that would be wrong 😃

I say to hold them in until he stops xx

Ah here come the "it's dreadfully uncouth to pass wind" brigade.

I have IBS. I would be in agony if I didn't let it out from time to time and I don't always have control or an option....

No, I don't deliberately do it in front of people and will try to take myself away at work etc but I'll bloody well do what I need to do in my own home.

OP, - just get it over with

Maybe he has better manners than you 🤔

Hahaha! This made me chuckle. I think you might find that Mother Nature has other plans for you, a bit further along the road of life! 😂

I can attest to the fact that, as one ages, not only does more gas seem to be produced but also the ability of the person to control their sphincter diminishes! It's a bit of a double whammy, I'm afraid. 😂😂

We're a farty household and don't hold it in at home, the poor cat gets blamed every time 😄
My dh let one out the first time he met my mum, I knew then that we were a great match (and she just laughed it off)

I'm glad I'm not familiar with you, then.

No, I don't shit when I fart.
When I hear someone pass a dirty fart, the stinking type, I always think, sort out your diet, those poo micro particles are flying out their bum hole.
Disclaimer. I'm sorry for those with IBS and other conditions that cause this.
I'm referring to people who gleefully let it rip. Stinking the room, it's rude.

I have had IBS/bowel issues for years. If I went to the toilet every time I farted I would never leave so yeah I fart in front of my husband 🤣

Or the type who happily brush their teeth while their OH is taking a dump beside them. Or though maybe not on MN, where anybody who doesn't have at least four toilets or bathrooms in their home is living in abject poverty. (Ftr we have one. And no, we don't brush our teeth while the other is using the loo.)

Everyone loves a good rummage in their nose, they’re all just too uptight round here to admit to it.

If you’re shitting yourself when you fart, a trip to the Dr is needed.

Why not go all out and pick your nose in front of him?

Whaaatt??? You shit when you fart? I’m assuming you do or you obviously wouldn’t have a fear of it happening in your pants. Does this mean everytime you need to fart you go to the loo and sit down pants off?

Why would I lie? I enjoy belching after eating, wind just doesn't come out of my bottom, not everyone is the same.
The only time, I occasionally fart is when I'm about to wee.

You need to fart in front of him and gauge his reaction. If he finds it hilarious, you're good to go. If he's utterly disgusted and thinks women don't do that kind of thing, rehome him.

My DP and I do occasionally fart in front of each other, although not in a deliberately grim way. Occasionally one will be unavoidable. The usual response is for the farter to look comically ashamed and apologise profusely while laughing, and the other person to say something like 'More tea, vicar?' or 'Is someone practising the trumpet in here?'

In an ideal world nobody would ever break wind, but in reality we all do and I find an apologetically humorous approach to the occasional accidental fart is a lot better than the joyless horror/fury/disgust apparently de rigueur for the average Mumsnetter who can't talk about farting without saying things like 'We all walk to the end of the garden to break wind in our house, then pray to the Lord for forgiveness for sullying the air with toxic gases from our anuses'.