New relationship and ‘bodily functions’

😂

My (now deceased) oh-so-proper church going parents used to hold farting contests who could rip off the loudest and smelliest one.
Scarred for life I tell you, I'm scarred for life 😤😤

You forgot the questions on how much people fart
and what type of people are they 🤔

ie people who eat lots of beans, lentils and veg and have quick digestive systems
< polishes nails >. don’t fart as much 😇

Sometimes when I can’t sleep at night I think of all the research projects that someone could carry out to help me make sense of things I see on MN.

One of my top research topics would be bodily functions.

Are the people who don’t fart in front of their spouse of 30 years the same people who have special sex towels and penis beakers and burn the marital sheets after coitus? Or does the lack of witnessed farting correlate to utter sexual depravity because nobody’s lost their erotic mystique?

What makes it easier or harder for someone to hold on their farts, and does that correlate at all to temperamental leanings and mood as might be influenced by the gut microbiome?

Scientists of Mumsnet, give me the answers!

A Jerusalem artichoke soup for starters and roast Jerusalem artichokes as part of the main should get you both uncontrollably farting in unison OP

But you come on here
effing and blinding all over the place 😂😂😂

I once held in some farts so long that I was practically pushing him out the door due to the awful cramping. When he finally left I went to the loo, scared of what may happen without a backup receptacle, and I spent a full minute deflating into the bowl!

Never have except I’m guessing when I’m asleep
never in front of my parents either, just can’t do it

Dh and I don’t go out of our way to fart in front of each other and make a habit of not farting in the car - that’s disgusting. But the occasional fart when the need arises? Absolutely fine. We’ve been intimately close to each other and have seen and know things about each other that nobody else does. I don’t want to be exposed to his bodily functions for the sake of it but hearing him fart in the kitchen while I’m in the living room- who cares?

Edited to add - we first farted in front of each other when we went away for the weekend together after a couple of months of seeing each other. I was already pregnant at that point so I’m not sure if we’d perhaps already crossed a boundary so farting was the least of our concerns!

Jeez who are all these uptight Victorians who think farting is some kind of morality crime? I just couldn’t live a married life being that buttoned up. It’s a normal bodily function like crying when you peel onions, or burping after something gassy. Yes it shouldn’t be crudely performative, but then nothing should. Just let it go op and be relaxed. Better to be comfortable than holding in wind and pretending you’re some prim vicar’s wife in an Ealing comedy.

20 yrs martied he has never farted in front of me ( maybe once or twice but very coy)
If I occasionally do, he makes a funny remark.about the floor boards creeking

Oh FGS...🙄 No normal person does that. He was clearly bonkers/trying to get a rise out of you. Probably trying to get you to end it, so he didn't have to!

Bit obsessed with this aren't you @EmeraldShamrock000 ? For someone who never farts in front of anyone..... (Allegedly!)

AND. You seem to know a lot about 'sharting.'

In 50-odd years, of life I have never done this. (Well I may have done as a baby, but I don't remember EVER shitting myself whilst farting.) Clearly you have some experience of it though. 👀

Spot on.

I was with someone who would look me in the eye and fart long and loud often when I was trying to discuss something serious with him. Both the foulness of it and the disrespect totally put me off sex with him.

Totally agree with this. ^ Bizarre posts from @EmeraldShamrock000 😬

Yes but most people aren’t sharting unless they’re ill? You made an odd comment about people who fart openly, risking shitting themselves which is absolutely insane - you must now accept the many people who are calling you out on such stupidity.

My dp started in front of me after a couple of weeks. I try not to but have the occasional parp unexpectedly. He knows I find it embarrassing so he says 'Ooops sorry about that - it was unexpected'. We obviously know it's me, but it breaks my embarrassment.

Also, if I do a couple he says 'What happens in the fart palace, stays in the fart palace' and is never bought up again 😂

I was friends with my BF for a long time before we got together. Farting in front of each other has never been an issue. I've only apologized after farting on his leg while sitting on it - he just laughed!

I find it a turn off🙈 accidents happen but all the time, especially if it stinks - no thanks.

I met my partner 1.5yrs ago. He would occasionally fart in front of me and he would get so embarrassed. I kept mine in, and I have IBS and going away together would be agony.

Until about 8 months into the relationship. We got to the hotel, I went for a wee and he did something (i can't remember what) that had me laughing uncontrollably. Yep, sitting on the loo and I farted. It wasn't a ladylike little poof ...... i literally did the loudest echoy longest fart.

He almost collapsed in laughter and since then, I will do it occasionally, but I try and wait until he is out of the room.

If you can’t fart in front of your dh / partner then they’re most definitely not with your soulmate. Rather it sounds like you’ve got some kind of cold, stepford wife type setup!

For a fart apologist you make a very eloquent case.

I agree with every word.

This is mumsnet where it’s only acceptable to fart in the bathroom.
we’d never see each other if we did that!

My partner farts whenever the mood takes him, often loudly. Thankfully they don’t smell.
We’ve got five children and I’ve never been able to bring myself to just fart at will. I’ll do it if I absolutely have to, but nope. It’s usually in private or when he’s fast asleep.

So many fart avoiders on here! Life’s too short for leaping up to go to another room instead of letting one rip. If you can’t do that and laugh about it with your significant other then who can you do it with? Your other half will see you in all sorts of undignified, messy, emotional situations over the years, and if they’re a good one they’ll never make you feel any less than loved and appreciated.

I’m not saying go out of your way to be disgusting, but you want someone who’ll hold your hair back when you’re vomiting, not shame you for it. If they can’t find a bit of humour and lightheartedness when you fart, how will you ever feel comfortable asking for support with the serious stuff?