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Original poster

New DP useless around the house

428 replies

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 15:48

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

OP posts:
gannett · 11/09/2025 16:15

Ideally there would have been a long period of time before you even thought of moving a boyfriend in, where you could determine whether he could behave acceptably in the house... but since that either never happened or you weren't paying attention, you'll have to tell him it's not acceptable to the point that you will actually be dumping him for it. And mean that. And do it.

The idea of using sex as a bargaining tool to toilet-train a man is even grimmer than the fact that he needs toilet-training, so while you're at it tell your colleagues they're weirdos.

Friendlygingercat · 11/09/2025 16:14

I bet he also doesnt know how to pick up his clothes and smelly socks from off the floor and put them in the wash basket, or put his dishes in the washer when he fancies a late night snack.

Its called weaponised incompetence - a disease many men suffer from.

LackOfSleepCBA · 11/09/2025 16:14

Tell him, that as he's unable to aim properly and has obviously not been potty trained effectively when he was a toddler, then from now on he needs to sit down to have a wee. I'm guessing there are other irritations he's causing you?
Might be best to bluntly say to him you're his partner not his mummy or a maid, so he best adult up and get sorted and clean up after himself or he won't be there much longer.

ohdelay · 11/09/2025 16:13

NormaNormal · 11/09/2025 15:50

Send him back to his Mummy.

I laughed but yep, you literally found him under his mum's skirt. You're mummy with sex, which is grim.

ComfortFoodCafe · 11/09/2025 16:12

A 28 year old doesnt know how to use the toilet properly? Grim.

Itsallabouttea · 11/09/2025 16:12

Having to use sexual bribery to get someone to not piss everywhere, that's pretty grim all round isn't it. Life's too short for this nonsense

MimiSunshine · 11/09/2025 16:12

It’s not your job to teach him, remind him or tell him what to do to be a functional
adult.
tell him to move out and you can discuss living together again at later date.

bit he moves straight home to his parents to then I’d just dump him, he’s not prepared to be a responsible single adult and in years to come he’ll be saying “but I didn’t know the kids uniform needed washing, you didn’t tell me to do it”

SouthLondonMum22 · 11/09/2025 16:12

Dump him. Tell him to come back when he's house trained.

HisNibs · 11/09/2025 16:11

Back home to mum for this one OP

Thundertoast · 11/09/2025 16:11

If you absolutely insist on trying and not sending him back to mum, I'd sit him down and say 'you know how if you got a new job, you'd want to do well at it so you'd research what you need to do, and take notes if you needed to, like if you werent good at remembering what needs to be done, and you'd practice what you need to do, and you wouldn't want your colleagues to be taking on extra just because you are new? - do that, because it's important. If you aren't good at a new job, you lose the job, if you aren't good at being a partner then you lose the partner'

murasaki · 11/09/2025 16:10

It's probably illegal to have sex with someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to live as a clean adult. So stop that, and send him home to learn the life skills that he should have learned as a small boy.

newyearsresolurion · 11/09/2025 16:10

It will get worse you will keep resenting him it's either you live separately or the relationship ends

OnceIn · 11/09/2025 16:09

He’s learning how to piss in a toilet ! Raise the bar op and send him back to Mummy.

gamerchick · 11/09/2025 16:08

Send him back to his parents and tell him to come back when he's house trained.

GingerPaste · 11/09/2025 16:08

He will become a millstone around your neck before long…

Onthebusses · 11/09/2025 16:08

This reply has been deleted

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murasaki · 11/09/2025 16:07

He's still learning to use a loo properly? Christ on a bike, send him back to his parents.

BadActingParsley · 11/09/2025 16:07

Get a puppy and housetrain that instead, at least they are cute and will eventually learn were to piss.

ickky · 11/09/2025 16:05

Use his pillowcase to mop up the piss and put it back on his pillow?

I don't know, he is grown man, why doesn't he function like one.

Did you magically know how to clean up or did you teach yourself?

Send him home.

Coconutter24 · 11/09/2025 16:05

He’s 28 and can’t aim for the toilet? Even if he struggles with that what’s so hard that he has to learn to clear the mess up? Anyone would know to clean it. He pisses all over and needs to learn it doesn’t just clear itself up? How does he think it gets cleaned?

RogerR4bbit · 11/09/2025 16:03

He’s not your partner as he’s not putting in the effort to be equal to you or on your same level when it comes to thought and effort.

He's acting like a child and expecting you to be his mum, and that dynamic kills relationships.

He still has a lot of growing up to do and surely you want to be with a man who is a capable adult, not a boy who expects you to adult for him?

Send this one back.

bigwhitedog · 11/09/2025 16:00

I bet he didn't piss on his mammy's toilet seat.

showyourquality · 11/09/2025 16:00

28 and he doesn’t know how to wee? Has he explained what has happened up to now, has he just been getting his mum to wipe up his piss at nearly 30?
He doesn’t sound great partner material. It might be worth having one final conversation but I wouldn’t hold your breath.

rainbowsparkle28 · 11/09/2025 15:59

Get rid.

Swiftie1878 · 11/09/2025 15:59

Make him your ‘old’ DP.
If he’s useless now (in the early days) it will only get so much worse.