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AIBU?

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Original poster

New DP useless around the house

428 replies

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 15:48

DP moved in with me in July - his first time living away from home. I feel like I have to micro manage what he does to help out in terms of chores/housework and it’s already starting to grate. Even basic stuff like the toilet seat and lack of aim - when I raise it he says he forgot and ‘he’s learning’.

Any tips for dealing with this? Other than sexual incentives or withdrawal of these services which seems to be the only advice I get from my friends and a couple of work colleagues!

OP posts:
BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 17:16

If you ever split, he gets half the house value no matter how much percentage he put in. He doesn’t just get his share, he gets half. Because you’re joint tenants. If you die, he gets it all. You can’t leave your share to someone else or to family. It’s his. You don’t have shares; you both wholly and jointly own it. Has he contributed half of the value? And is paying 50% of the mortgage now?

Why didn’t you go tenants in common?

Original poster
HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:16

Linenpickle · 11/09/2025 17:15

Sorry but you sound very naive and stupid.

Thanks, that’s kind of you!

Think I’m going to back away from this now, it’s just making me feel even worse.

OP posts:
hettie · 11/09/2025 17:16

Oh lovely...
Right ernmm.
How much did he put in and what was your equity... Hoping and praying it was near a 50/50

TwistedWonder · 11/09/2025 17:16

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:14

Yes it’s joint tenant I’ve just checked

So you’ve just signed half your house over to him without legal advice - JFC

Linenpickle · 11/09/2025 17:15

Sorry but you sound very naive and stupid.

Original poster
HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:15

BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 17:14

Well, fuck. Do you actually know what that means?

Show quote history

To be honest a lot of what was discussed went over my head, the Broker advised that was the most suitable option and given he’s the professional I wasn’t going to argue it!

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 11/09/2025 17:15

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 11/09/2025 17:10

A mortgage broker isn't a legal advisor.

You really should have got independent legal advice from your own solicitor. You still should.

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Absolutely. I work in the financial industry and I can not believe someone would add a bloke they’ve never lived with to their mortgage and deeds without going through legal channels and getting a watertight contract drawn up.
A broker is not legally allowed to advise you on this so he’s in breach of his FCA rules probably.

BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 17:14

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:14

Yes it’s joint tenant I’ve just checked

Well, fuck. Do you actually know what that means?

ickky · 11/09/2025 17:14

It should be tenants in common with a percentage for each of you, dependant on much equity you and he have each put into the house.

Get your own legal advice.

CalzoneOnLegs · 11/09/2025 17:14

Quite a drip feed here

Original poster
HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:14

Yes it’s joint tenant I’ve just checked

OP posts:
meloncotton1 · 11/09/2025 17:13

You need to call his dad and ask him why he has raised his son up to be such a dirty pig and send him there.

BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 17:13

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:08

Also one of my friends was in a similar position and I spoke to her to make sure all was in line with her scenario and she’s had no issues with it.

If you’re joint tenants and your friend has also taken a man in and made in joint tenant then you have BOTH made mistakes. You don’t even know what it means, do you?

You’ve made a mistake.

DareMe · 11/09/2025 17:13

I despair. I really do. Why oh why are women continuing to make such fucking stupid choices? Educate yourselves around finances, stop shacking up with useless twats! It is so depressing to see this happening time and time again. You are now locked into it with this man child and you’ll be back here in a few years time crying that he does absolutely nothing around the house and no parenting of the four kids you chose to create with him, despite knowing what a waste of space he is.

Ohnobackagain · 11/09/2025 17:12

@HanhanRuns honestly he won’t change. He has expectations and the idea if there’s a woman around it’s her role to do the cooking and cleaning etc. I’d be trying to undo things and repay him and get back to how you were - without him. You shouldn’t have to be going anywhere near withholding sex or offering incentives!

pinkyredrose · 11/09/2025 17:12

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:08

Also one of my friends was in a similar position and I spoke to her to make sure all was in line with her scenario and she’s had no issues with it.

How is your friend qualified to give advice?

Presumably you spoke to your bank, did they not give you advice and tell you clearly what the situation was before you signed on the dotted line?

Pamspeople · 11/09/2025 17:12

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:08

Also one of my friends was in a similar position and I spoke to her to make sure all was in line with her scenario and she’s had no issues with it.

Does her partner clean up his piss?

hettie · 11/09/2025 17:11

There is a slim chance that if the broker 'advised' this then he is on the hook....

BeltaLodaLife · 11/09/2025 17:11

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:07

I think joint tenants, that sounds familiar. I’d need to check. It’s really not my area of expertise which is why we had the brokers help.

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Joint tenants? He is a joint tenant? You’ve made a huge mistake here.

Why didn’t you get legal advice? Why would you go along with what his mate said? His mate isn’t going to do anything illegal but he certainly wasn’t looking out for your interests, he gave the advice that was most beneficial to his friend without breaking any conduct rules laws. But he screwed you.

Why would you financially tie yourself to him and risk your house without getting legal advice independently?

JHound · 11/09/2025 17:11

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 16:47

He did stay round a lot with no issues, it’s just since he’s here full time there has been problems

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Why did you put him on the mortgage before living with him properly?!

Also if he stayed frequently with no issues it means he can be clean. He just chooses not to.

hettie · 11/09/2025 17:10

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:07

I think joint tenants, that sounds familiar. I’d need to check. It’s really not my area of expertise which is why we had the brokers help.

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Oh Christ....I hope not.... You have given him a 50/50 share if so no matter what your original equity was...
I could cry ....
Women handing over 1000's in assets because....I dunno... Dint you think to ask someone who wasn't his mate, a lawyer, family friend.... Mumsnet?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 11/09/2025 17:10

HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:05

I meant from the perspective of looking at equity, a fair amount for him to pay, future options with regards to Mortgage term etc. He’s regulated so hardly going to suggest anything untoward given it’s his job/reputation on the line, and it meant he gave us a good deal when it came to fees.

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A mortgage broker isn't a legal advisor.

You really should have got independent legal advice from your own solicitor. You still should.

user1471538283 · 11/09/2025 17:09

He's not learning to use the toilet! What he is doing is treating you with contempt. That's what you are good for.

Get rid of him. Before you know it all sorts will come out of the woodwork.

How do men like him even exist?

Original poster
HanhanRuns · 11/09/2025 17:08

Also one of my friends was in a similar position and I spoke to her to make sure all was in line with her scenario and she’s had no issues with it.

OP posts:
sandyhappypeople · 11/09/2025 17:08

If he knew how to behave before he bought into the house with you, and now he is a lazy slob then he was just pretending until he got his feet under the table.

You're stuck with him now.

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