Feel so bitter about a group of friends and want to know how to move on

Yeah but it doesn't come across like that. And that might be part of the problem.

What's wrong with posting about a career you've worked hard on?
Why is it ok to post about some accomplishments (marriage and babies), but not others?

You are unhappy and feel like they're judging you. You see them being happy about their lives as a slight on you. And maybe they are judging you too, who knows.

You judge them as well. All this going on about stability but you chose to move, to change jobs etc etc. That comes at a price.

Honestly, move on. You simply have nothing in common anymore.

You are just in with the wrong set of people. You will find your tribe when you get their vibe. You just need to try lots of different things, even if they may seem a bit alien to you i.e. rowing or soft ball and see how you go. You may be pleasantly surprised and, whatever the outcome, you will at least be moving forward instead of stuck in the groove of these ghastly people.

You despise these people OP

and that will seep in to your get together with them.

Neither side seem to like the other side. At all.

Often, people will regard anyone who chooses a different life as a kind of existential threat, interpreting your choices as an implicit criticism of their own. They may feel that simply by living your life in the way that seems best to you, you're somehow putting them down. Or it may be that they regret not choosing the more adventurous, independent life that you've lived. Generally, when other people make us feel bad, it's because something about us makes them feel bad. Of course I don't mean by this that you deliberately try to make them feel bad - you seem to have gone above and beyond to give them the feeling that you value them. You are emphatically not the problem.

You're getting nothing positive out of these "friendships". I'd just quietly let them fade away.

They’re like that because despite all the trappings of success and “happiness”, they’re are actually very unhappy, or deeply insecure.

Harsh and unnecessary!

You don't seem bitter - just a little confused by their behaviour. Waste no more time on them. Give yourself a hug and move on. x

You're not a mug OP. It's very difficult to let go of friendships that you've invested in for years, especially when the changes have been evolving over time. But you know what, these women just aren't your tribe. You built a friendship when you were young and didn't know yourselves, and now you've all grown into women and their directions and choices seem to have aligned, and yours are different. Nothing wrong with that.

I let go of a friendship group in my twenties for similar reasons to you....it was just clear they weren't as bothered about the friendship as I was and I just sort of gave up. Over time I've seen one or two of them around town and more slipped out over the years. A group of about 10 of us is now just four. I felt so so much better once I accepted it and let it go, and it's amazing to hang out with friends I feel valued by. I now see the four on social media and I feel nothing, I wish them well, but they're long gone and I don't really know them now.

I bet you're lovely the way you are. Let them go, cut them off (whichever way feels more comfortable, just don't keep getting notifications and going back) and go invest in your real soulmates.

Reading between the lines the snippy comments seem to work both ways. You see yourself as a free spirited, clever, financially independent and well travelled woman. You talk about this and the fact they have stayed in home town, corporate jobs, same hairstyle etc.

They probably pick up on your condescension and so focus on the fact they have a different type of security that you don't.

You've drifted apart so better to acknowledge that than always trying to prove one lifestyle is better than another.

So tempted to leave the WhatsApp group but it'll probably just give them ammunition to laugh at me?

If you aren’t going to have contact with them you won’t know if they are laughing at you or not. Just leave the group, block them and do whatever you need to do to cut them out of your life including social media

You sound almost as though you’re trying to convince yourself here OP, not us.

You're giving this far too much headspace.

Just fade from their lives, you don't need their negativity. They probably don't realise they are doing it, they're so inside their own boxes. You might find they miss you! However, whether they miss you or not, enjoy your life and stick to your other friends.

Good luck with your driving test!

Sounds like your friends are jealous of your experience and self confidence in seeing more of the world than they have.

And I understand what you mean about only being interested in events like weddings, engagements and babies which relate to their direct experience.

I was the first member of my immediate family to go to uni and I can recall my mother's luke warm response when I called to tell her I had got a 1st. "Oh thats nice for you. I suppose you'l be wanting somewhere to live when you move back and look for a flat. Dont think you can live here for nothing"

She had managed to make a wonderful achievement all about herself! She was quite miffed when I told her I was staying on to do a masters and had already been offered some work at the uni. I never did move back.

Leave the WhatsApp group OP. So what if they laugh at you - you won’t be around to see it so why give a shit. It’s their loss.

This all feels ludicrously dramatic and over-thought.
You have little in common with some people, they don’t enhance your life, just move on. Leave the WhatsApp group, change your social media settings, whatever, and look to find new local friends with whom you have stuff in common.

I can’t even remember most of the people I was friends with at various times and places in my life, not because of any great failings out but because life happened and we all moved on.

All of you are not meant for each other and there is no rule that says you most remain friends.I hear jealousy,envy and a bit of anxiety in your complaints.First unofficial rule of friendship is you have to be transparent with each other,have you had a conversation about how the comments make you feel?.This group obviously does not make you happy so leave them alone and stop stressing.

I'm not sure what changing your job title, hairstyle etc really has to do with anything. However, you've drifted apart from this group of friends. It's not uncommon to do so. I'm only really in touch with 1 person I was at school with. Life moves on.

Just let the friendship drift. Go to meet ups if you fancy it. Don't go if you don't want to. Don't bother trying to arrange anything yourself. You have other friends you gel with better so that's all fine. Again it's perfectly normal to have a range of friends.

Also, don't be too harsh on a friend who didn't reply to a message who only had a baby 2 months ago. Being a new parent is an extremely hectic and exhausting time. Messages take a back seat. Her life is very different right now.

Forgive me OP, but there is a smidgen in your post that makes it seem like you slightly look down on your friends..? Stuff like saying they have the same hair for a long time, and that you went to a better uni than them. That stuff isn't really context you needed to give, so I wonder why it's so prevalent in your mind. Are you unconsciously projecting that thought?
The queen bee who questioned your stability is a nightmare, but to me, if they really disliked you, they wouldn't be inviting you to weddings and baby showers. You seem to see your attendence at these things as doing them a favour, whereas I think most people would simply be pleased to be invited.
Also, I'd forgive any friend with an 8-week-old baby for not being on top of replying to texts. It can be a really hard time.

People usually choose friends who make them feel better about themselves. Look at what the rubbing issues are. Every time you make a change, have freedom or spontaneity they make little snide comments about it. To pull you down, they mention their financial purchases and compare that to your supposed lack of financial stability. There’s a clear pattern about what they are jealous of. I’d bet that they are high earners in pressured jobs and they are finding that the things they buy aren’t making them happy. When you’re around them, showing that you are content, well-travelled, generous and kind, they feel shit. It’s a them problem, OP. Ditch them and find people as nice as you are.

I think you need to go no contact. Their friendship is doing you no good at all. Wish them well in your mind and then cut contact. Archive the group, or if you are tempted to look, withdraw from it completely. There is nothing wrong with you, you have just grown up and grown apart. Invest in people who invest in you and bring something to your life. These people do not. Don’t analyse it any further as you are just torturing your self. This happens to many of us, just move past it and be kind to your self.