Feel so bitter about a group of friends and want to know how to move on

I agree.

I didn't see your post before I posted mine. We have pretty much said the same thing.

Do you feel life is passing you by and they have left you behind?

People like to celebrate life's milestones, big purchases like a car or a house. It's probably not a dig at you, but it might feel like it if you feel you are missing out.

You seem resentful that your "better" start (academic achievements, better university) over them hasn't turned into a "better" life overall. They probably feel your resentment and sense that you (perhaps) feel you are more deserving than they are.

I think you are right to think these friends are not good for you. You have little in common and the way they make you feel is making you unhappy. I don't think it's going to get better.

It would probably be best to leave the WhatsApp group, but if you don't feel ready yet, don't start or respond to any conversations until you are ready to leave

If you’re posting in order for people to agree with you, you’re on the wrong forum.

i think you sound bitter and resentful that your self perceived early promise hasn’t led to the success you expected.

The friends you seem to think are a bit dullarse now appear to be further in their careers and personal lives than you and you’re not dealing with it very well.

seriously I would distance yourself and use your energy to find friends who are not ignorant and cant cope with anyone who hasnt done what they've done.
however, I know its also not that simple. you then get criticism that you havent sustained long term friendships in life,so there must be something wrong with you. do what feels right for you and realise you have been not treated well.

OP, I’ve just seen your other thread on feeling like you haven’t progressed in your career as well as you could have done. If this is in any way making you resent the success that these “friends” have enjoyed despite getting lower grades at school, attending less prestigious universities etc., then that is reason enough to distance yourself from them. The resentment will eat away at you and make you very unhappy. And that’s before we get onto their questionable behaviour and comments which are clearly no way to treat a friend. Best of luck.

So, people who are really happy dont need to make these comments. I would guess that they feel a bit boring compared to you, or even see your choices as a commentary on their own. Stay in the WA group but take a step back for now. If they get nicer you can pick things up. If not, just archive the thread.

These bitches aren't your friend. I've been in a similar situation and life is so much more peaceful without these people in my life.

This! It seems to me that OP is jealous of her friends achievements and accomplishments. Hence the digs about having better grades and going to better university. I suspect OP is disappointed that life hasn’t panned out as expected for them- maybe there was an expectation of a guilded future- whilst the no hopers have worked hard, stuck with it not chopped and changed as whim takes them, and are doing very nicely now. I think OP resents that they are doing better than she is. The reference to having same haircut is weird imo/ maybe her friends are quite busy juggling childcare and work with partners to worry about their hair.

In what ways are you unhappy OP that posters are referring to. Could this general unhappiness be causing you to find fault in all aspects of your life and relationships?

Well on the basis of her thread yesterday…. She’s very unhappy and dissatisfied

I think jealousy has a lot to do with it, she is going back to early successes where she felt she was in a better position to these women, she deliberately avoids telling us about her life now.

Are you neurodivergent by any chance?

Tbf the way your write does sound like you think you are better than them because of their choices and that you did better academically.

So you may not think it, but if you talk to them the way you write, they may well have got that impression.

You do a lot of "I did better/differently, but it doesn't matter..." the fact you are even thinking about it and mentioning it, means it does matter to you.
I mean I can't remember which of my friends did better/worse/same at all.

For example in the OP you said "At school I was a straight A student and got teased a little for being a 'geek'. Their grades weren't as good, none of which matters now, I went to a 'prestigious' uni and they didn't, again none of which matters."
That adds nothing to the Op at all, so why did you think it was important for us to know that?

So perhaps think how you are coming across. If you are coming across as thinking you are superior, then that will effect how they react to you.

I’d recommend reading or listening to these two books

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Uncomfortable-Truth-Change-Taming-Greatest/dp/0241707196/ref=asc_df_0241707196?mcid=38ad0cb334de3647809276f9e3fdebf6&hvocijid=1026064810481216347-0241707196-&hvexpln=74&tag=googshopuk-21&linkCode=df0&hvadid=696285193871&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=1026064810481216347&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9222618&hvtargid=pla-2281435176898&psc=1&gad_source=1

And

www.amazon.co.uk/Courage-Be-Disliked-yourself-happiness/dp/176063073X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=30PTPC84ZEU5Z&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.OmELTly05hxVEvAmuic2kRwFb1byAqbgGxpaXimjQGHzA368KSSxy7dxD2LAhFQ0Ut9dprEm1nFFo2klcPvGU_NuXYwm2_b1v-l15SJZYzdIEP_tAeWlJAYxjW6W3YHL1trthN1MM_dlfvHLnIDQ3jXEmd-MuMroe1XHa07jsWoNrL8fXQbgVVhG-VkqajJjUQesoCGNg2doWhnxonVwuw.xV2eEEKSNcUBmxvD22E2Mhr4dl3wrHmjVrhqIOnJGxE&dib_tag=se&keywords=the+courage+to+be+disliked&qid=1757612047&s=books&sprefix=the+courage+to+be+disliked%2Cbooks%2C1094&sr=1-1

I wonder if for them it’s as deep as it is for you. I very much doubt they invited you things for the gifts and I’m surprised someone said that. Generally people invite you as they want you there. But you write it like you did them a favour by going.

the comments on uout hair I would assume are just light hearted. I doubt they sit and think about your hair or even care you change it.

thr only real issue seems to be they didn’t visit your house for a housewarming, which I get is upsetting, for them clearly it wasn’t a priority.

if you’re unhappy In your job and financially, is there a touch of envy about the careers they habe and lifestyle.

id consider how much of this is you unhappy with your own life choices in comparison to them. I mean all this about your hair is just odd to be honest. And who cares if you went to a better uni.

It sounds like your general frustration is warranted but apart from lack of effort and the comment, it's quite small and you may regret throwing all these friendships away cos you're annoyed right now. These feelings do pass. Maybe you could express some of this first and give them a chance to make amends first? Is there one or two that you'd like to stay friends with? Or can you set some limits while staying in touch?

Danielle Bayard-Jones has great advice about female friendships.

Glad I gave you a chuckle

This. It goes both ways. Also, OP, you posted a virtually identical thread on this before — my advice won’t have changed since last time, and as you haven’t dropped contact since that thread, which was months ago, with a group of people you describe as ‘horrible’, I think you need to take some responsibility for this.

I don’t have a driving licence, have lived in five countries and moved jobs a lot, and not one of my friends think this is in any way noteworthy.

Well, they don’t sound very nice so I can’t see it will be much of a loss. I suspect you’re not 100% secure in some of your lifestyle choices so the judgement from on high doesn’t help.

Just do a slow fade. Stay on the WhatsApp group but don’t comment. Don’t be available socially. If you bump into one of them in the street, be polite but distant. Don’t give them ammunition about moving or changing job or driving lessons.

In the meantime, find other friends who support and uplift you.

The lack of insight of Posters such as this always makes me chuckle

To be honest. Real friends don’t move on. I think that’s a crappy attitude. The worst “friends” are those who think they are so evolved because they got married a few years earlier and had children. I waited for the right man, the right time. I’m happy. Their husbands have been shagging women tend to years younger and blown their families up. Their evolution blown up in conjunction.

I read your other thread OP. I think you are feeling sensitive as life is throwing you a few challenges. I would be bright and breezy with this group of friends and see them if they make an effort but let their comments wash over you. I think the best thing to do is not really worry about them - if you see them great- if you don't see them - doesn't matter. Life goes up and down for everyone. I am the late 40s menopause years and it is really tough - lots of divorces, illness and parents dying. Life ebbs and flows for everyone. I would keep going and not worry about them.