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Original poster

Feel so bitter about a group of friends and want to know how to move on

157 replies

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 14:39

I have moved on in the sense of stopping contacting them, but I'm angry at myself for being such a mug for so many years.
Yes, they are entitled to want to move on from me too, which they did a long time ago and I was too blind to see it.

I'm someone who likes to change my hairstyle often, no particular reason, I just like changing things up. I've lived abroad in a couple of countries and moved a little bit in the UK, which I'm glad I've been able to do.

I've changed jobs a little too. It's just the sort of person I am, however it's very different from who they are.
They are mostly people who've been in the same company since we graduated 15 years ago, same hairstyle, same town etc.
There's nothing wrong with that either and I also sometimes wish I had their stability. The problem is they seem to see me as some sort of freak or outcast for it and made little jibes whenever I saw them.
It was very subtle, wasn't outward nasty comments but very passive aggressive and sort of 'oh, moved again have you?' With a judgmental look.

At school I was a straight A student and got teased a little for being a 'geek'. Their grades weren't as good, none of which matters now, I went to a 'prestigious' uni and they didn't, again none of which matters.

They've done well in their careers and are all in senior management now, as well as having married men on high salaries. Most have kids and live in large homes.
I feel, especially from one of them there's an air of superiority. She seems to boast about how much their car was and what fancy features it has, and made some sort of comment about my 'lack of stability'.

I have forked out a fortune over the years on their weddings, hen dos and baby showers. None of them in over 12 years have ever been to see me, once. I live an hour away, it's hardly the end of the world. I have travelled to them for 12 years.
I get rubbish excuses like 'Oh I don't like cities' (yet goes to them when it suits her)

I am finally done with this group of horrible women. So angry at myself for being a mug for so many years. One had a baby 2 months ago, sent my congratulations and said it'd be lovely to meet her baby boy, read it and never heard a word back.
How do I stop being such a mug and finally move on?

I haven't passed my driving test which is a sore point, yet im finally hoping to this year. One of them made a jibe 'Oh, you'd know all about public transport wouldn't you.'
Why are people like this? Finally I have a couple of friends who are actual friends.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:57

I said i would stop commenting but after reading some of these comments...seriously.
Determined to paint out that I am seething over my friends careers and lives. If you'd read the thread properly, my point is that my friends are constantly making digs and make zero effort themselves, that's irrelevant to what job they're doing!
I'm not saying 'everyone agree with me' I'm asking how to move on!
However that's Mumsnet for you. Carry on twisting the boot and doing your best to try and put me down if that makes you feel better about yourself. Id say take a look at yourself if you feel the need to put me down.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:55

Wildgoat · 12/09/2025 08:54

To be fair, looking at your comments about their Careers and homes, and you’re just above min wage doing admin, it does feel like you’re really unhappy and just deeply jealous of these women and their achievements v your own life. Hence why you’re going on about how you did better at school and went to a better uni, rather than posting about your life now. The hair thing is just odd to be honest. Really no one cares about how often you change your hair

use this as a wake up call, you’re about to end friendships due to unhappiness with uour own life and jealousy over those doing better.

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Nobody cares yet they constantly comment on it?

OP posts:
Wildgoat · 12/09/2025 08:54

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 20:23

I'm ignoring snippy comments, im not jealous of them

To be fair, looking at your comments about their Careers and homes, and you’re just above min wage doing admin, it does feel like you’re really unhappy and just deeply jealous of these women and their achievements v your own life. Hence why you’re going on about how you did better at school and went to a better uni, rather than posting about your life now. The hair thing is just odd to be honest. Really no one cares about how often you change your hair

use this as a wake up call, you’re about to end friendships due to unhappiness with uour own life and jealousy over those doing better.

Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:54

Absolutely you may well have outgrown your friends, like you say it happens. That isn't the point of my post, the point is the digs and the treatment. Hence my 'long and dramatic post' anyway, pointless arguing really.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:53

PleaseGetBetter · 12/09/2025 08:40

Hmmm, if this is how you engage with people irl I’m not surprised you’re struggling with your career and friendships. Sounds like you don’t want to hear anything you don’t want to hear, just an echo chamber of “they’re all horrible bitches op and you’re right about everything”. Good luck with that attitude, a world of pain awaits you.

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Hmm, what a very original comment. How dare I defend myself when someone implies im dumb or stupid, what a terrible person I am. 🙄 jog on thanks.

OP posts:
SquaredPaper · 12/09/2025 08:44

TheOccupier · 12/09/2025 08:22

Such a long and dramatic post! You've outgrown your school friends and don't have much in common any more. It happens. If you need to close the chapter, leave the WhatsApp then block them all and delete their numbers. Otherwise, focus on your lovely life and on building new friendships with people more on your wavelength.

Absolutely. There are groups of friends I’ve ‘outgrown’ — though that’s not the right term, as it suggests I think I’m the one who’s developed, while they haven’t, which I don’t think is true. More ‘have different priorities and concerns to, and a very different life’.

But I don’t need to convince myself they’re ‘wrong’. We’ve just moved in different directions. I don’t need to demonise them, just quietly move on.

PleaseGetBetter · 12/09/2025 08:40

Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:15

You're a sad person if you think making digs like this is going to achieve anything. I'd stop before you embarrass yourself any further.

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Hmmm, if this is how you engage with people irl I’m not surprised you’re struggling with your career and friendships. Sounds like you don’t want to hear anything you don’t want to hear, just an echo chamber of “they’re all horrible bitches op and you’re right about everything”. Good luck with that attitude, a world of pain awaits you.

TheOccupier · 12/09/2025 08:22

Such a long and dramatic post! You've outgrown your school friends and don't have much in common any more. It happens. If you need to close the chapter, leave the WhatsApp then block them all and delete their numbers. Otherwise, focus on your lovely life and on building new friendships with people more on your wavelength.

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:20

Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:19

Thank you very much, 99% of comments are really helpful. Going to stop posting on here now but thanks so much.

Good luck

Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:19

Thank you very much, 99% of comments are really helpful. Going to stop posting on here now but thanks so much.

OP posts:
Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:17

Op you come across as far from happy with your current life Op.

And this group of people make you feel even worse.

So… remove them from your life. I don’t think they’ll be much pushback anyway, and you can focus on improving your current status quo

Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:15

Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:06

I can’t see how hair and straight As as a child is remotely relevant given you’re so unhappy with your current life OP

Don't really need you to see how it's relevant tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
Minkdeville · 12/09/2025 08:15

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 12/09/2025 07:57

Straight As but that basnt transpired into her work life if you read the other thread. I’m wondering if she was as smart as she says in her OP.

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You're a sad person if you think making digs like this is going to achieve anything. I'd stop before you embarrass yourself any further.

OP posts:
Chilliprawnpls · 12/09/2025 08:06

I can’t see how hair and straight As as a child is remotely relevant given you’re so unhappy with your current life OP

MoodyMargaret11 · 12/09/2025 08:04

OP I think it comes down to your values vs their values in life. What matters to them is the cars, the houses, career progression and cozy lives. This is what they respect, and care not about your kindness or generosity.
They may have "achieved" career wise but they sound ignorant and arrogant. They have some humility and learning to do.
Dont feel down about them though, it is better that way as you are too different in fundamental ways, not just in hairstyles and lifestyles.

MoodyMargaret11 · 12/09/2025 08:00

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 12/09/2025 07:57

Straight As but that basnt transpired into her work life if you read the other thread. I’m wondering if she was as smart as she says in her OP.

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Such a mean comment!
That can happen a lot and really depends on how "lucrative" or "in demand" your industry is.

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 12/09/2025 07:57

MargaretThursday · 11/09/2025 18:47

Tbf the way your write does sound like you think you are better than them because of their choices and that you did better academically.

So you may not think it, but if you talk to them the way you write, they may well have got that impression.

You do a lot of "I did better/differently, but it doesn't matter..." the fact you are even thinking about it and mentioning it, means it does matter to you.
I mean I can't remember which of my friends did better/worse/same at all.

For example in the OP you said "At school I was a straight A student and got teased a little for being a 'geek'. Their grades weren't as good, none of which matters now, I went to a 'prestigious' uni and they didn't, again none of which matters."
That adds nothing to the Op at all, so why did you think it was important for us to know that?

So perhaps think how you are coming across. If you are coming across as thinking you are superior, then that will effect how they react to you.

Show quote history

Straight As but that basnt transpired into her work life if you read the other thread. I’m wondering if she was as smart as she says in her OP.

OpenLilacTraybake · 12/09/2025 07:56

Lots of us hold on to old friendships because of history, nostalgia, or hope they’ll change. It’s painful to admit those things weren’t there.
You’ve already taken the hardest step

BusyMum47 · 12/09/2025 07:52

PumpkinSeasonOctober · 11/09/2025 15:06

Silently walk away.
Remove yourself from groups, delete their contacts and never give them a second thought.

@Minkdeville
100% this! ⬆️

Who cares if they all get their sad little kicks by bitching about you afterwards? You won't know & don't ever have to see them again. 🤷‍♀️

Stick with the real friends you've found & leave the past behind - don't let them affect you for a minute more.

Lighteningstrikes · 12/09/2025 07:45

yadnbu
Rip the plaster off and dump the lot of these shallow women. They are not genuine friends.

All of the examples you mentioned are very solid reasons to do so.

It’s a one way street, they keep happily taking from you and they rub your nose in their success and achievements.
The latter I should imagine is to keep you in your place due to their own insecurities going back to your higher achievements at school/university.

I would do it by stealth and not answer or look at any WhatsApp group messages ever again. They are nothing to you now. Archive the group and ever look at it again. Give it time (to avoid them gossiping about you) and hit the delete button.

You will feel so much lighter and relieved once you get rid of them from your life 💐

AutumnalLight · 12/09/2025 07:36

Crushed23 · 11/09/2025 20:27

OP, I’ve just seen your other thread on feeling like you haven’t progressed in your career as well as you could have done. If this is in any way making you resent the success that these “friends” have enjoyed despite getting lower grades at school, attending less prestigious universities etc., then that is reason enough to distance yourself from them. The resentment will eat away at you and make you very unhappy. And that’s before we get onto their questionable behaviour and comments which are clearly no way to treat a friend. Best of luck.

Sounds to me like you could really benefit from some counselling op.

AutumnalLight · 12/09/2025 07:34

I’m not sure what your hair has to do with any of this.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 12/09/2025 07:11

Some people really don’t understand people being different to them. These people don’t make you feel good about yourself, they’re not really your friends. Friends are supportive, they’re clearly not. If you’re not comfortable leaving the group just archive it and you won’t see any activity on it.

PurpleChrayn · 12/09/2025 07:01

It’s a waste of energy to constantly torment yourself with the whys. They’re just not interested in you. It’s a tough pill to swallow but that’s life, I’m afraid. Leave the group and move on.

Doneit14 · 12/09/2025 05:48

Minkdeville · 11/09/2025 23:13

Some people are reading what they want to read. I couldn't care less what theyre doing, so much projection going on here.
I've outlined how I am 'different' to them and that this is why I've gotten the digs.

You started a thread yesterday about how you think you’ve screwed up your career and how dissatisfied and unhappy you are.

You OP @Minkdeville

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