Differences (rep Ireland) Irish V UK

100%. As (another) fellow Irish person I find it really cringey, especially the blatant sense of superiority about our supposed generosity and social skills. it smacks of small rural village life, and I was really surprised to hear that the OP lives in South Dublin (which is a microcosm in itself, but usually a more outward-looking one). The attitude to wedding presents and rounds etc is so transactional, it’s embarrassing. And don’t get me started on the “You have to refuse the first offer of a hot drink” nonsense…

I spent several years living in the South West of England after having my first child; I made friends easily and definitely felt there were far more similarities than differences between me and other women my age. Our sense of humour and general outlook on life is very close (you only have to look at that Twitter account Very British Problems, every single thing that’s posted about resonates with me as an Irish person).

My nieces is Irish and she has loads of local relatives. Some moved to England for a while but they all moved back. Her mum for example - she moved here, married my English brother in law, then they moved to Ireland to raise their family. Her sister did the same.

Well, I don’t think British people talk about it a lot, either. It’s still operative in both countries, though differently, for obvious reasons. Yes, Ross O’Carroll Kelly is still going — newspaper column, books, plays. And Reggie from the Blackrock Road has made an entire comic persona from snobbery in Cork.

class - Irish people really never refer to class at all . It's not really a 'thing'.

Is the Ross O'Carroll-Kelly column still a thing? According to wikipedia there are 24 novels and 4 plays in the series. Somebody must be buying them over the past 30 years.

Don’t override their wishes so.

Well if they're paying for their own drink they clearly do want one, they just can't/don't want to get a round in.

Well i wasn't affronted, or rude to her, just really surprised, we talked abut meeting up but never did in the end. If i was looking to make friends I suppose I would have gone but I wasn't particularly, and she wasn't an outsider, she was local, she had been to that school herself as a child as it happens.

Respectfully, while your relatives may hang out with their family, I don’t think that’s anything like a general rule. For a start, emigration is far more culturally normal in Ireland, so many of us have immediate family scattered anywhere from Tokyo to Guatemala. At one point, my siblings and I were in Lodz, Athens, Beijing, Tokyo and Calgary. Three of DH’s siblings are in NY, Berlin and Lincolnshire.

how on earth do you think you get to know people if not by seeing and chatting to them regularly?

seriously, how did you make friends/meet romantic partners?

This does match up with what a few people said upthread about Irish people being superficially friendly but ultimately focussed on their small communities and not willing to welcome outsiders/make new friends.

Poor woman though! She was only inviting you for a quick coffee, not to move in with her.

I have relatives in Ireland and in my experience people hang out primarily with family members - and since they come from such big families, they have loads to choose from, as second cousins twice removed or whatever are still considered family.

But I really don't understand your thoughts on rounds. I live in London and it would be social suicide not to get a round in. Imo English people are absolutely sticklers for order - queuing at bus stops and like you say, reporting benefit cheats - and that includes getting rounds in.

Those of us who travelled for terminations in the eighties and nineties, or sat with a friend bleeding into pads on the ferry home, or who remember the abortion information at the back of Cosmopolitan being blacked out, or who spent our time stickering public toilets with the abortion information helpline phone number, are very keen on legal, safe abortion as easily and locally as possible.

As a fellow Irish person OP, I find your post stupid, reductive and offensive. Of course there's going to be some differences, we have a very different history. But there's a barely veiled superiority complex in your description of Irish people v English people that is complete bollocks. Also, how dre you generalise on people's views on such a sensitive topic as abortion? Or do you just live in one of those rural socially conservative hamlets where everyone holds the same views and talks about GAA 99% of the time and compete with each other over who has the most expensive bbq / equivalent bullshit because something has to fill the cultural vacuum

I was wondering if you are in Dublin , OP . I am and abortion is certainly considered here . Very much so , by most people I know.
The biggest differences I see are

• class - Irish people really never refer to class at all . It's not really a 'thing'. And if you did , people would think you were an idiot . Or had 'notions'. You'd be laughed out of it .
• how loud people speak - we Irish tend not to be very loud , certainly not to the extent that everyone in the environs can hear the minutiae of what we say . However , if a group of people , English mainly as have limited experiece of Scotland and Wales , are talking - everyone can hear their conversation !

But what if money is an issue for person B but they still want to spend some time chatting with their friends? Where I’m from it would be perfectly acceptable to say ‘money’s a bit tight so I’ll just stick to getting my own thanks’ or ‘I’m on the lime and soda tonight so I’ll get mine separately etc’ and you’d just bypass the rounds. It wouldn’t signify anything about how long you’re planning on staying for.

Same as what happens if you can’t afford 100 euros as a wedding gift (that’s more than I’ve spent on any wedding present ever including close family/friends) - is it best just to rsvp no to avoid the etiquette fail? If so that seems really sad to me.

and again, that's the same as the UK as I know it. There was a post on here recently about neighbours and I commented that an old lady had given me similar advice when we bought our first house....to not be in a hurry to make friends with neighbours....friendly yes.... but making friends.....take your time.

but that is the same as UK.

I was brought up to believe that giving money on occasions like weddings was a bit rude. Times change, though. Working out how much your 'place' at the wedding costs and giving the same amount is just transactional and a bit sad.

I would always buy a drink in return for someone buying me one and don't know anyone here who wouldn't. That's just basic manners. And if I made a mistake I would expect people to tell me, but perhaps that's because I'm English and I don't like talking behind backs.

These stereotypes are always silly.

Yep, world's apart I would say. I think some of the nuances you've gotten into regarding the friendly yet closed paradox are interesting. On the whole I'd say Irish people generally have better social skills and a stronger sense of decency by others. Generally speaking of course.

deffo agree with your third paragraph!
I am a Londoner by birth and would never offer a drink without biscuits or cake....and always the good biscuits. Same if I have workmen in, always a hot drink station set up, always biscuity something.

I chat with everyone, just happened to see her a lot, never occurred to me to make friends with her.

That’s a bit mad 😁
It is of course an option.
Don’t get someone a drink if they don’t want one. I’m Irish too.

(I will go for coffee with anyone who asks. Especially if cake is available. )

Sorry, the quote didn’t work - that was in response to @Deadringer