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AIBU?

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Original poster

Children having their own seat on a packed train.

885 replies

user1493559472 · 11/09/2025 09:59

I am on a packed train. A child who is about 3 years old is sat in their own seat and not on the parents lap, would you ask to sit down and the child sits on parents lap? People were standing.
Thank you

OP posts:
ishimbob · 11/09/2025 12:44

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/09/2025 12:29

Fair enough.

Although I suspect you are very much in the minority.

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I don't think they are in the minority

If you travel by train as a family regularly you will almost certainly have a Friends and Family Railcard which requires you to book tickets for all children including under 5s. It is almost always cheaper to do that than pay full price even if your child is free

Also.. no one says that over 60s on buses shouldn't sit down because they haven't paid

LittleBitofBread · 11/09/2025 12:44

InMyShowgirlEra · 11/09/2025 12:43

A bag is not equal to a human being.

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In terms of it having rights, no. But the conversation was about the comfort or discomfort of having something/a child on your lap.

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:44

LittleBitofBread · 11/09/2025 12:43

My choice to put a bag on my lap rather than have someone stand?
I don't get your point.
I also don't get why you say 'HTH'.
Never mind.

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No, your choice how you behave.
Others make their choices how to behave.
HTH

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:43

Violinist64 · 11/09/2025 12:42

Yes I would. I cannot stand for a long time journey without becoming very uncomfortable and, certainly, when my own children were that age, I would have and did put the child on my lap in those circumstances. For those saying that the adult is steadier on their feet, this is true but nobody is expecting a young child to stand; simply to sit on their mother's lap while allowing an adult, who has probably paid a fortune for their fare, to sit down. The sense of entitlement by so many on here is breathtaking. What are you teaching your children? That their needs trump everyone else's and that it is ok to be selfish? Several years ago, l was boarding a very crowded train. The one person who came to my aid was a lovely Kurdish gentleman, who asked his son, who was about ten, to stand up for me. He then made sure his son was safe by putting his arms round him. It's called common decency and good manners.

So, you putting your comfort above theirs is 'safety and good manners'? Howso?

LittleBitofBread · 11/09/2025 12:43

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:40

Your choice.
Your cannot force your choice on others.
HTH

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My choice to put a bag on my lap rather than have someone stand?
I don't get your point.
I also don't get why you say 'HTH'.
Never mind.

InMyShowgirlEra · 11/09/2025 12:43

LittleBitofBread · 11/09/2025 12:38

It's not that comfortable having a heavy/lumpy bag on your lap on the train either, but if someone needs the seat next to me I'll do it and just cope. It's not going to kill me to be a little uncomfortable for a while.

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A bag is not equal to a human being.

SparklingRivers · 11/09/2025 12:42

SushiForMe · 11/09/2025 12:38

What about everybody else who travels for free?! They are not expected to give up their seats - and rightly so.
Personally I would sit my child on my lap (and still do it with my 11yo!) but there shouldn’t be an expectation.

Edited
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You sit your 11 year old on your lap? 😂

Violinist64 · 11/09/2025 12:42

Yes I would. I cannot stand for a long time journey without becoming very uncomfortable and, certainly, when my own children were that age, I would have and did put the child on my lap in those circumstances. For those saying that the adult is steadier on their feet, this is true but nobody is expecting a young child to stand; simply to sit on their mother's lap while allowing an adult, who has probably paid a fortune for their fare, to sit down. The sense of entitlement by so many on here is breathtaking. What are you teaching your children? That their needs trump everyone else's and that it is ok to be selfish? Several years ago, l was boarding a very crowded train. The one person who came to my aid was a lovely Kurdish gentleman, who asked his son, who was about ten, to stand up for me. He then made sure his son was safe by putting his arms round him. It's called common decency and good manners.

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:41

MellowPinkDeer · 11/09/2025 12:37

No, I’m expecting the PARENT of the 3 year old to understand

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To understand that you're more important than the parent and the child? Why exactly?

SparklingRivers · 11/09/2025 12:41

MrsSkylerWhite · 11/09/2025 10:03

Why is a child wanting to sit any more entitled than an adult wanting the same?

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Because they were there first...

HelloKittyFan · 11/09/2025 12:41

I’m just not buying the people saying they get their preteens to sit on their lap 😂 I travel by public transport daily and have never seen anyone do this! 11 😂 that’s basically secondary school!

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:40

LittleBitofBread · 11/09/2025 12:38

It's not that comfortable having a heavy/lumpy bag on your lap on the train either, but if someone needs the seat next to me I'll do it and just cope. It's not going to kill me to be a little uncomfortable for a while.

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Your choice.
Your cannot force your choice on others.
HTH

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:39

dcsp · 11/09/2025 12:27

Are you sure? Considering the quote below from the this page on the National Rail website, especially the bit I've bolded:

"Children under 5 years of age travel for free on most journeys but check with your train company to make sure. Please note, children under 5 who are travelling without a ticket may only occupy a seat that is not required by a fare-paying passenger. To have a reserved seat for a child under 5 you will need to purchase a child rate ticket. These come with seat reservations (if available), and there is also a 50% discount on most tickets."

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Yes, I'm sure. HTH

SushiForMe · 11/09/2025 12:38

Worralorra · 11/09/2025 10:01

It depends - if the child has had to have a ticket purchased for them to travel, YABU.
If their travel is free because of their age, then they are expected to sit on a parents lap…

What about everybody else who travels for free?! They are not expected to give up their seats - and rightly so.
Personally I would sit my child on my lap (and still do it with my 11yo!) but there shouldn’t be an expectation.

LittleBitofBread · 11/09/2025 12:38

GleisZwei · 11/09/2025 12:21

Ah right, so the other adult doesn't matter? Got it.

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It's not that comfortable having a heavy/lumpy bag on your lap on the train either, but if someone needs the seat next to me I'll do it and just cope. It's not going to kill me to be a little uncomfortable for a while.

TeenToTwenties · 11/09/2025 12:38

No one was saying the child should stand. The suggestion was that the small child could go on the parent's lap.

MellowPinkDeer · 11/09/2025 12:37

godmum56 · 11/09/2025 11:54

As I have said before, you are assuming that a 3 year old understands the social construct surrounding the seat. I also think that in the late 80's/90's there wasn't magically no pearents who couldn't have a child sat on their lap for any length of time.

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No, I’m expecting the PARENT of the 3 year old to understand

Bigtom · 11/09/2025 12:35

My 12 year old was asked by an able bodied adult to stand so the adult could sit. My DC did as asked, but I’ve told them not to do so in future unless they’re in a disabled seat. Why should an able bodied adult have more right to the seat than a child?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 11/09/2025 12:35

It's unlikely that the parent has had to buy the child a ticket at all.

This is why I always reserve a seat when I can (and in the quiet coach too). As a child I was expected to stand so that adults could sit: I'm buggered if I'm now going to stand while someone's children, travelling for free, sit.

Kpo58 · 11/09/2025 12:34

As children aren't allowed to be stored in the overhead luggage rack, the only other option is to let them have a seat.

I'd much rather that a small child was on a seat that falling over or being crushed by other passengers on a train.

TheignT · 11/09/2025 12:32

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/09/2025 12:29

Fair enough.

Although I suspect you are very much in the minority.

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I do it as well as I want/need booked seats. Probably happens more often than people might think.

AdventuresWithAnimals · 11/09/2025 12:31

Ratafia · 11/09/2025 11:51

They wouldn't be deprived of a seat if they're on their parent's lap, would they?

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They still need a seat more than me so I wouldn’t ask them to move, which is what OP asked. The child and the person they’re with will be more comfortable with their own seat and I don’t need a seat more than either of them, so I would be fine standing. I’m sure some people would like to go back to a time when children were seen as less important.

SteakBakesAndHotTakes · 11/09/2025 12:30

prelovedusername · 11/09/2025 11:57

A three year will understand what its parent has bothered to teach it. That might have to be in very simple terms but it’s absolutely possible to teach a three year old good manners.

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A child is a person, not an 'it.'

Pips678 · 11/09/2025 12:29

No, not unless you have a reason to need to sit down!

dizzydizzydizzy · 11/09/2025 12:29

DeftPoet · 11/09/2025 11:47

But train companies also allow you to buy a ticket for your under 5 if you wish to do so. I'm taking a train from London to Aberdeen next month and bought my 4 year old a ticket because there is no way either of us can manage that long squashed on 1 seat. And there is no way I'll be giving it up to anyone.

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Fair enough.

Although I suspect you are very much in the minority.