I am day 4 post partum, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy in the early hours of Saturday morning. His birth went so smoothly and I had no stitches, just grazes etc.
We have a 2 year old DD too.
DH is amazing, he’s such a supportive and caring/kind Husband and Dad and we are a great team, we are also really lucky to have great family and friends as a support system.
Today, I woke up like a black cloud was over me and it’s followed me around all day. I feel sick with guilt towards DD although nothing in her routine has changed, obviously things have changed for her too but I mean we’re still following her normal routine, normal bedtimes (I lay in her bed with her and read her a story then cuddles and lights out etc), I’m still here for a cuddle or to play with etc, I feel sick with guilt towards DS as I don’t/can’t just sit around and cuddle him most of the day like I did with DD because I want to give DD attention when he’s sleeping (light activities such as colouring, reading, cuddling and watching some tv together, puzzles etc). I feel sick at the thought of DH being back at work after 2 weeks, I’m already dreading it.
I haven’t stopped crying all day, anyone would think my world had ended but I feel like all my dreams have come true being blessed with 2 healthy beautiful children, a lovely Husband and home. I can’t make sense of why I feel so awful at all. Nothing makes sense to me today, I don’t know how I can feel so much love and joy yet be so distressed and sad and guilty. I can’t even seem to put a sentence together and keep mumbling to DH and mixing up my words. I can’t even say I’ve had no sleep as DS is sleeping 3 hours between feeds and DH did the 12, 3 and 6am feeds last night and I got up at 7:45 when DD woke.
I didn’t get this with DD, please somebody tell me I’ll feel better soon?!