Would you knowingly have a child with difficulties?

My dd17 ( in context it doesnt sound bad) said once that after growing up with her profoundly disabled brother that no she wouldn’t. She lost alot of her childhood due to his condition and she doesn’t want her adulthood to be the same. Hit me hard but i get it and i would feel the same

I refused antenatal tests for Downs Syndrome etc because I wouldn’t have aborted my child for having a disability. As it turns out one of my children has a genetic syndrome that causes learning disabilities (not one that is tested for antenatally) and she’s an absolute, genuine joy! She’s hard work, but all kids are, and she brings so much happiness to those around her. However, I think each situation, family and disability is different and I completely respect and support those who feel differently and abort a child with disabilities/ genetic conditions.

I would 100% abort for Downs of any sort of condition that would require life long care. I know they can’t scan for it but if I knew a child would have severe autism I’d also abort. My reason is that I have seen people’s lives been utterly destroyed raising severely disabled children and those kids will never live independently. One friend has a very violent non verbal child and spends her days being punched. I couldn’t do that. Also social care is shit. I couldn’t live knowing that my child would be at the mercy of the social care system once I wasn’t there anymore. So much kinder to all to abort.

My honest response would be, is an amazing life not enough despite it all? Not everyone gets that even with perfect health.

As I said above there is achondroplasia in my family, my family members with the condition face lots of additional challenges both physical and thanks to societal attitudes, life can be very hard at times, but I have never felt their were not worth living, and I suppose perhaps more importantly I feel they have a lot to offer the world and it would be a less rich place without them in it. Can you not reframe it, isn't the world better for having your amazing child in it? You must be proud of what they have come through. However your experience is your own, I would never tell you that you are wrong to feel the way you do.

No I would not.

I could not possibly say unless I was in that situation. I have two children with disabilities who have by any standard good lives and I still could not answer that question except to say I would find is an extremely difficult decision. I feel so sorry for any parent put in that position it is absolutely horrendous having to make that decision.

It depends on what perspective you’re coming from. If it’s because I felt the child would have no quality of life at all, then that would be a consideration.

My child (now adult) does have significant difficulties, but she’s adopted, so I was prepared for some of what lay ahead- plus she was already here.

No, I wouldn't. If it negatively impacted their life in any significant way (and I'll get flamed for this but I'd include anything more than very mild autistic traits in here as well) then I wouldn't have that pregnancy if I knew in advance. Obviously you can't though for a lot of things, and for that reason I'm not having a third child because I won't take the gamble that they might have something that means my current children get less than the attention they deserve and the new baby has a worse life than I'd wish for them.

So you regret having your child?

Yes I'd abort. Depends on the needs though?

I can say no, with a high degree of certainty.

I am very much pro choice and my own experience with caring for a disabled family member had led me to think that I would terminate if something severe came up. However once I was actually pregnant I felt extremely bonded to my baby and it would have had to have been very severe for me to consider terminating.

I refused the blood tests when I was pregnant as I didn't want to have such a dilemma, and would have loved my child no matter what. I was lucky, my babies were healthy. A friend of mine was told at a 4-month scan that her baby could not survive (basically heart and head were not developing) and had a termination, which I would have done in her situation. Every case is different, as is every mother.

Not knowingly, no.

i cared for my mum , most of my life in some way or another. She had mental health issues and chronic health conditions. It has been incredibly hard. Maybe I’d feel differently about a child but I couldn’t knowingly.

That is such a wonderful outcome but what hell you must have gone through.

I wouldn’t continue, no.
We did the harmony test and we were both ready to terminate if the test was positive.
I know someone who has disabled kids and her life is so hard. She’ll be raising kids until the day she dies.

There’s no one answer. Would depend on quality of life. A child in my family is utterly miserable, always volatile, always angry, can barely perform any task for themselves - you’d never know that was their temperament from a scan. They are fighting a constant battle in their head. It’s difficult for everyone, child included. Not only do they not have quality of life there needs impact everyone around them too.

Other children with significant disabilities still find joy.

I think moderate physical disabilities like limb differences, deafness or blindness, when not accompanied by other chronic medical problems or learning disabilities, wouldn't worry me. Modern technology gives a huge amount of assistance in these circumstances such that people can have a full, independent and happy life.

Id be more worried about serious cognitive or learning disabilities as i think these can be more limiting and carrying the risk of greater impact/burden on any siblings.

My daughter has an abnormality which affects two of her organs, she has medication and hospital stays/appointments but she lives an incredibly full life. Yes it's not what I would choose for her but it certainly doesn't mean she has a bad quality of life.

Again, it massively depends. If it was going to mean a short life full of pain and suffering then yes I would terminate. If it was something like Downs syndrome then no I wouldn't.

I think if it was of a severity that meant a life of significant disability, short painful life span etc then yes I would abort. I had an NIPT at 10 weeks and I had already decided what I would have done. It’s a painful decision to make and I wouldn’t blame anyone for choosing either option.

Completely depends. I found out at my anomaly scan that my son had a lower limb deformity. I chose to continue with my pregnancy knowing he’d have to have his leg amputated at 1 years old. It was hard at the time but he’s absolutely thriving, yes he is disabled but it rarely affects his day to day life.

Anything that would be severe needs with a poor quality of life then I would have had a termination