To be annoyed that my employer won’t let me go part time?

To be honest it sounds like someone has imploded your entire life. Your own wants or needs to have a child, your finances, your career.
You're not giving us the reasons so we can't fully understand but there really isn't a lot of people in this world who would take on this huge burden.

It is. It’s not a problem of your making and if anyone dares criticise you for it they are 100% in the wrong. If they are a member of the wider family, then they should step up and take the baby in. If it’s the baby’s parent criticising you, maybe don’t have a child when you’re not capable of caring for one. And if it’s social workers or “friends” they can fuck off. You will not be able to care for them all and they will all suffer.

Weekend work

It kinda is

Can you find a childcare option that enables you to do your job?

If the children are not siblings why are you taking on more and more when it impacts your work? Just don't take on a 4th child

i think more people are saying don’t take on a 6 month old. Not many mothers of 6 month olds work as they’d be on full time leave. You can’t do it with the ones you’ve got. I know you want to be there for the kids but you really can’t do it.

This might sound harsh, but the thing that you "can't afford" to do is take on the care of a 6 month old, on top of the children you already have,

Your employer is not obliged to provide whatever working hours you think you can accept at any given time. You have a right to request FW and your employer can say no for a range of reasons. Declining a flexible working request where there is a clear detriment to the business is not inherently unfair.

Put it this way, you currently are providing a stable home to three children and you are able to fit this around your career and everything is working well.

Add a 6 month old into the mix and it becomes impossible for you to maintain your job, sacrificing your future career options. Your stress levels increase. You lack a support network it seems and potentially sacrifice your mental health. You need to think about the impact of all of these things upon the existing children in your care.

Other people's bad situations (the biological mothers') do not have to become your emergency to solve.

Have some boundaries.

Yeah all of this. Why on earth would you agree to foster a 6 month old baby when you have no plans sorted with work regarding how you are going to do this?!

This sounds like there's a very sad background to it all which you of course can't go into here, and I understand completely why you'd want to keep all four together, but a 6mo would be well cared for by someone else with more capacity and you could look at ways to have them back longer term in the future when you're better set-up to do so. Most mums with 4 DC including a baby would find it nigh on impossible to carry on a career in this industry without serious wealth and family support, so to try to make it work on your own and with the extra complications of the fostering and emotional pressures feels just untenable. I can see why you want the work to be the thing that gives, but even in a very kind public sector role, I think you'd struggle to manage what you're taking on, never mind in the media that has never been family-friendly and is more under the cosh than ever. If you really feel you have no option but to care for all four yourself, you need to go all in on that and reorient yourself career-wise to something that's manageable with 4 young DC, even not working for the next few years and focusing on the kids until they're in school. Something's got to give and it's not going to be your employers as they've made clear. Sorry this is so hard, I hope you can find the headspace to make some difficult decisions.

Haven't read through so apologies if this has already been suggested, but if you think it won't be permanent could you use AL to cover 3 days off a week for now? Maybe they would be happy to grant some unpaid leave too.

And presumably there might be more children coming after the six month old.

Given your updates, I think you have to prioritise the children you are already caring for. Do you have any biological children or is your family made up entirely from foster children who are siblings?

If you can’t get work that fits around the baby, and you can’t afford not to work, then you aren’t able to take on this additional responsibility of the six month old.

She's said she already suggested this and it's not an option.

Tell social services that you cannot take in the 6 month old baby. You’re a good person for taking these children in but it’s not your responsibility. You can’t meet your obligations to the older ones if you are caring for a 6 month old and trying to work. Who on earth is this family member who keeps having children they can’t care for themselves?

Would job share be an option, if you could find a job share partner for the other three days?

I am sorry you are in this situation @Topoftheroofand really feel for you. I am very pro flexible working, and work for an organisation that has supported as manner of flex arrangements for office staff for 25+ years. One thing we no longer do is < 3 days/week in leadership and professional roles. I used to manage someone who did 2 days. She spent the morning of her first day catching up, and the afternoon of her second day briefing people to cover her absence. She was good at the technical side of her job, but very ineffective due to the constraints of her working hours.

I have also been managed by someone who did 3 days a week, but took a day’s leave or flex every week for 3 months, effectively working 2 days. He may have felt that he was managing well, keeping on top of paperwork etc, but he was so difficult to get hold of, unaware that his team needed him, mid year reviews didn’t happen despite us chasing etc.

I suspect your employer is concerned that something similar to these situations may arise.

I know you’ve said they won’t consider a jobshare, but what about if you could find a job share partner from the existing staff? (Another flex option that worked for me).

Good luck. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation.