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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be annoyed DH is going on a ski trip

43 replies

Newworkingmum · 10/09/2025 18:30

DH wants to go on a ‘boys trip’ skiing for 5/6 nights next spring when we will have a 16 month old. He works offshore 2 weeks on/2 weeks off and will go away after a couple of days being home. I have retired parents close by to help with childcare, however, they do 3 days per week when he’s away as I work full time so outside of my working hours I don’t ask for any further help from them (they’ve said they can’t take any more on).

I have a couple of UK weekend trips planned, both have landed when he’s away so MIL is travelling for the weekend to look after DD, both of my trips are bridesmaid duties (hen and a dress try on) so a bit less avoidable. Let me know your thoughts, not sure if I’m being dramatic as my dad never did this and I personally don’t want to leave my family for any amount of time, I’d just go somewhere with them.

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Twilightstarbright · 11/09/2025 20:24

@Needspaceforlego 6am flight, choose a resort near an airport. Might not be ideal but it’s better than nothing.

Needspaceforlego · 11/09/2025 19:48

Twilightstarbright · 11/09/2025 08:35

FWIW I think 4 days away feels more reasonable with a child under two. DH and I go away with friends separately but it’s far easier now DS is KS2 age, toddlers are a lot.

I think the real issue is your childcare isn’t suitable- your parents are saying they are at their limit and it is a lot for you if two weeks on turns into 3 weeks effectively. Your DH doesn’t sound like he does a lot when he’s around?

4 days might seam more reasonable but really for a ski trip you'd spend as much time travelling as skiing if you only went for 4 days.
By the time you allow time to get to the airport, through security and on the plane that could easily be 3hours, 2-3 hour flight, and often a 2hour transfer (airports tend to be near city's not mountains) that's 7-8 hours travel, then the same in reverse. That really isn't worth it time wise or cost wise.

Original poster
Newworkingmum · 11/09/2025 19:38

@Rubyredshoes12 he will be soon, I’ve been on maternity leave until a couple of weeks ago when he was away.

@Twilightstarbright he does pull his weight when he’s around and is a good dad.

I'm surprised the consensus is so overwhelmingly in favour of the holiday, so perhaps he is in the right. I will probably use my return time to have him help out more at home though as I need rest more than a trip abroad I think!

OP posts:
Twilightstarbright · 11/09/2025 08:35

FWIW I think 4 days away feels more reasonable with a child under two. DH and I go away with friends separately but it’s far easier now DS is KS2 age, toddlers are a lot.

I think the real issue is your childcare isn’t suitable- your parents are saying they are at their limit and it is a lot for you if two weeks on turns into 3 weeks effectively. Your DH doesn’t sound like he does a lot when he’s around?

PollyBell · 10/09/2025 21:42

So you get breaks but he is not allowed too?

SquaredPaper · 10/09/2025 21:38

NImumconfused · 10/09/2025 21:30

Wouldn't you want a holiday with your family though, if you only see them two weeks in four?

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But you see them 24/7 for those two weeks in four. They may well spend more time together than someone working long hours or shift work in a conventional job.

NImumconfused · 10/09/2025 21:30

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 20:51

So he shouldn’t ever get a holiday? I’m assuming he had these hours when OP had a baby with him. It’s unfair to say he can’t go away now because of it.

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Wouldn't you want a holiday with your family though, if you only see them two weeks in four?

citygirl77 · 10/09/2025 21:26

He has 26 weeks holiday a year! I think you need to take a reality check and see how most people cope with 5 weeks holiday!

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 21:12

Unless I’m being a bit dumb, I can’t understand why he isn’t doing childcare if he works 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. How does he spend no time with the kids solo parenting if he is at home not working. Am I missing something here

aCatCalledFawkes · 10/09/2025 21:10

Jaws2025 · 10/09/2025 21:03

Is he being a good dad though? He's a part time one at best. And it's telling that he's only had a couple of hours of sole charge of his dc.

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I don't like calling people out for the jobs they do, I assume he is fulfilling a role that is needed and brings money to the household. OP would of known this when she married him and had a baby, some jobs just aren't as family friendly as we would like them to be. I don't think that makes him a bad Dad.

Only having his daughter for two hours at a time is for his OP to address with him. My SIL went away the other weekend and I don't believe my brother had a choice in looking after her which of course he did.

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 21:06

Jaws2025 · 10/09/2025 21:03

Is he being a good dad though? He's a part time one at best. And it's telling that he's only had a couple of hours of sole charge of his dc.

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To be honest, no one knows the answer but OP.

Is he a good dad in the 2 weeks he is off? Am I right that he doesn’t work them 2 weeks that he is at home?

Jaws2025 · 10/09/2025 21:03

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 20:39

Becuase that’s his work pattern. He’s off for 2 whole weeks at a time, it’s like working 5 days on and 2 days off. He is used to this pattern so it doesn’t feel any different to him.

He is allowed to have a life and a holiday as long as he is a good dad and pulling his weight at home I don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to.

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Is he being a good dad though? He's a part time one at best. And it's telling that he's only had a couple of hours of sole charge of his dc.

derxa · 10/09/2025 20:59

FFS

nixon1976 · 10/09/2025 20:57

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 10/09/2025 20:33

Yabu.

DH goes away for a week every year snowboarding with friends and it does him the world of good. Yes it is a difficult week for me, holding the fort with both kids (1 with SEN) and working full time. But I also go away once a year and he does the same for me by holding the fort.

I really feel it benefits us hugely to have a week away just doing our own thing.

This. You don't need others to help you, do you?

But you need equal time away. If you don't fancy a full week then take it in smaller doses. There is nothing wrong with parents spending time away from the kids, together or separately. As long as it's equal!

BlueMum16 · 10/09/2025 20:53

Is there a compromise where he can go for 2 or 3 nights?

Me and DP have separate holidays but not as long as 6 nts.

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 20:51

NImumconfused · 10/09/2025 20:48

I'm quite surprised at all these replies saying "it's only a few days" etc. it would be different if he had a normal job, but when you work away two weeks in four and your DP and in laws have to pick up the slack for that, I'd have thought you'd think twice about taking more time away from your child and imposing more on your family for a jolly. He gets to be a person rather than "just" a parent two weeks out of four already, OP has to do it all, all the time.

So he shouldn’t ever get a holiday? I’m assuming he had these hours when OP had a baby with him. It’s unfair to say he can’t go away now because of it.

NImumconfused · 10/09/2025 20:48

I'm quite surprised at all these replies saying "it's only a few days" etc. it would be different if he had a normal job, but when you work away two weeks in four and your DP and in laws have to pick up the slack for that, I'd have thought you'd think twice about taking more time away from your child and imposing more on your family for a jolly. He gets to be a person rather than "just" a parent two weeks out of four already, OP has to do it all, all the time.

Blessedbethefruitloopss · 10/09/2025 20:46

Life is short. Let him have the trip with his friends. (We both do it every year.)

Mrsttcno1 · 10/09/2025 20:42

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it as long as he’s happy for you to have a break too, and as long as it’s not going to be an “every other month” thing.

RabbitsEatPancakes · 10/09/2025 20:41

So your issue is 1 toddler but you will have childcare in the day. So it's the 5 bedtimes you'll have to do?

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 10/09/2025 20:41

I chose not to do it myself until DS was 3 as he breastfed until 2.5 and I didn’t want to be away from them all. But then it reached the point where I wanted some me time and once I did it I realised that yes I missed them but I also enjoyed the break.

a week of not being “needed”, no work, no household stuff, knowing kids are safe at home with DH.

I tend to go on a cruise - everything done for me, very relaxing, sleep, reading, nice food, variety of ports. I love it!

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 20:40

SquaredPaper · 10/09/2025 20:40

I go away all the time by myself, without DH or DS.

I don’t go often but I have done since my DS turned 1. I would be offended if DH stopped me

SquaredPaper · 10/09/2025 20:40

I go away all the time by myself, without DH or DS.

Rubyredshoes12 · 10/09/2025 20:39

SavingForaSnowyDay · 10/09/2025 20:35

The thing I would find really odd is him actively choosing to leave his 16 month old for 5 days when he's away from them for 2 weeks at a time as it is.

Becuase that’s his work pattern. He’s off for 2 whole weeks at a time, it’s like working 5 days on and 2 days off. He is used to this pattern so it doesn’t feel any different to him.

He is allowed to have a life and a holiday as long as he is a good dad and pulling his weight at home I don’t see why he shouldn’t be able to.

Original poster
Newworkingmum · 10/09/2025 20:38

@SavingForaSnowyDay this is what I find odd too, to be honest, because I don’t want to go away even just for 5 days when I work from home.

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