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Original poster

Awful date. Tried to embarrass me the whole evening...

605 replies

brackenbury · 10/09/2025 17:45

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

OP posts:
BumpyWinds · 11/09/2025 14:17

Daygloboo · 11/09/2025 13:59

I still think he might have been autistic.

Show quote history

I think my now DH is either autistic or has ADHD, but he wasn't a twat on our first date!

NurtureGrow · 11/09/2025 14:16

Daygloboo · 11/09/2025 14:13

That's very good advice about being honest. It would cut through with a worthwhile person, and those who didn't respond well could be eliminated immediately. Too.many people dance around each other and waste time, inevitably knocking the interaction on the head further down the line.

Show quote history

100%, so important to be honest

Pherian · 11/09/2025 14:15

brackenbury · 10/09/2025 17:45

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

Just out of curiosity, what made you stay through the date with that wet paper towel of a human being?

You have every right to turn around to someone who is insulting you and ask them if they intended that to be insulting and when they say it’s a joke ask them to explain how it’s funny.

This guy was basically calling you a child abuser. Which isn’t funny and is not something to joke about.

Id tell him exactly why you aren’t interested and then block him. He’s a twat. He isn’t deserving to be in your air space.

It is no easy feat to become a medical doctor and you should be immensely proud of yourself. He was intimidated by you. I hope you find someone lovely who treats you right.

Missj25 · 11/09/2025 14:15

brackenbury · 10/09/2025 17:45

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

What a freak !!!!

And to answer your question OP , old can be painful 🙈..
Don’t give up though , lots of asses, but good guys out there too ..
Hope you meet someone nice 🤞

NurtureGrow · 11/09/2025 14:14

I just read your other posts, sorry I didn’t see them before. I’m so very sorry you lost your dad and boyfriend.

With regards to his comment ‘where do you work’ yes, that’s intrusive, not asking for another date. I understand why you blocked him. It’s up to you if you want to be honest, some people aren’t worth bothering with. It’s a shame he won’t learn from your feedback, but that’s not your problem!

I hope you can try what I suggested. I promise you, I had had as bad dates :( When I made my decision about it helped me to very quickly know what I thought of people and then honesty changed everything too.

I can give you an example, when I met my now husband for a daytime weekend date, I hoped he’d text me that night. He didn’t and in the morning, I messaged: ‘I really enjoyed meeting you, I must say I’m surprised you haven’t messaged me.’ It was true, it created connection.

So sorry again about your experience with this man. Wishing you the best! xx

Daygloboo · 11/09/2025 14:13

NurtureGrow · 11/09/2025 14:04

Definitely tell him the truth.

  1. I think it’s important to write down who you want to meet, what they are like, then take the actions to meet them, knowing you will. Say no to people that aren’t right and move on. Max 1 - 2 dates if someone isn’t right. Honestly everything changed for me when I did that. I’d had enough and was thoroughly fed up. After years and years and years of things not working, I met my now husband within 2 months, moved in within 6, got engaged, married, etc
  2. The second thing that’s crucially important is to always be honest. It’s powerful, cuts through rubbish and even creates connection. With this guy the first time he said that I might have smirked mildly out of surprise. After that I would have said what’s true ie: ‘I was looking forward to meeting you, but unfortunately you are making me feel uncomfortable with that comment.’ If he carried on. Continue being honest. ‘To be honest, I’m sorry, but I’ve now lost any respect I might have had for you.’ You can say it calmly. In that moment, he may snap out of it and say ie ‘I’m so sorry, I’m being a complete idiot, I’m nervous and trying to create connection with you.’ Then something would have shifted. Or he would have been offended or similar or you would have, and the date would have ended. / It’s never too late to be honest in this moment now. Text whatever is true and honest to him now. See what he says. It may shift. If not, say nice to meet you (or not, if it’s not true! :)) and move on. YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG IF YOU ARE HONEST. You will find more connection or find there is none.. and move on faster to meet your partner. Being honest you are always on the right track.

I worked with a dating coach to learn this. I told a friend of a family member in passing recently and now after years of not finding her partner, she did this and has met him.

Try applying it, don’t give up. Make a decision what your future partner is like, don’t be afraid to say yes or no, and always be honest!

I hope this helps x

Edited

That's very good advice about being honest. It would cut through with a worthwhile person, and those who didn't respond well could be eliminated immediately. Too.many people dance around each other and waste time, inevitably knocking the interaction on the head further down the line.

Jenkibuble · 11/09/2025 14:12

brackenbury · 10/09/2025 17:45

Is it really that bad out there? I went on a date last Friday and I'm still pissed about this issue - largely, because he had the nerve to follow up and try again.

We were talking prior to meeting for a fair 2-3 weeks prior to Summer commitments making an actual date in person a bit tough. He seemed perfectly normal/lovely.

I work as a Dr - and he asked me (on the date) exactly what kind of Dr I am. I told him a paediatrician (which is the truth).

He then - for the rest of the evening, proceeded to laugh at me and kept calling me a 'pedo' - due to it sounding similar to me being a paediatrician. I didn't laugh, but scoffed a bit initially. Then he kept going on and on and on - to the point where he wouldn't let up! I was mortified. It felt like he just crapped all over my work - which is tough at the best of time - but also like he was trying to take me down a peg or 10.

Needless to say, I left the date not wanting to see him again.

He then started texting me over the weekend and shortening the name to 'P' - to make it seem 'cute' and less offensive.

Honestly, I give up. I've had a few years of enormous grief and stress - and decided to try dating again, but I'm irrationally disenchanted.

He wants to go on a second date. I know I should just block and move on, but part of me wants to respond to him and let him know that he needs to grow up and stop being so juvenile. Should I not bother?

He's 43 years old, FFS!! I know this is a petty reason to post - but I'm just irritated that I wasted my time.

He sounds dire.

I have had encounters chatting (didnt meet) whereby they have insulted me, I have challeneged them and they continue to do it.

Another guy I saw for a few months and he was adament that calling me 'knobby ' was a sign of endearment. I told him I didnt like it. Continued !

If you find any decent sites, please let me know !.

There are decent ones out there (sis and bro in law met online, as have friends and their partners)

skyeisthelimit · 11/09/2025 14:11

I would have replied and said "calling a paediatrician a paedophile is totally inappropriate and not funny. It is clear that we would not be compatible due to your lack of intelligence" and then blocked him.

AzureFinch · 11/09/2025 14:11

At 43 he's single for a reason

Muffinmam · 11/09/2025 14:10

I’ve read a comment on her him being potentially thick.

I’ve met up with someone who was not particularly bright. We had nothing in common but he was kind, good looking and fit.

I told him I didn’t think we were a match and he said he agreed. The key point is he had nothing nasty to say.

I think in this case this guy is an abusive AH.

I don’t think the OP should confront him about his behaviour because he’s likely to retaliate if he’s rejected. She needs to ghost him and move on.

AngelicKaty · 11/09/2025 14:09

Fluffypotatoe123987 · 11/09/2025 12:52

Seriously. Why why dont you match with other educated men. The 40 odd year old im finding are awful i just delete. Now the young 30s early 30s im 35 btw are fab.

Make your questions

What is the definition of a good man

How do you manage conflict.

What does masculinity mean to you.

If they say they cant answer or wont answer then you get shut. I had one acc say they couldn't answer and said my questions were to deep. I then said Well obviously the questions work then cause it helps me weed out the weak minded men.

Now the good men message and answer them and say how good of a question it is. Really insightful

And what's really telling about the ones who are too weak minded to answer, is that they don't even attempt to consult AI. 🙄🤣

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 11/09/2025 14:09

brackenbury · 11/09/2025 12:15

So I blocked him last night on WhatsApp (which is the only platform on my device that we were communicating on).

He then iMessage-d me today AM saying: "????"

Two hours later he messaged again saying: "Where do you work? I'm WFH (strikes) and can meet you after work."

That's not even an 'invite' to a second date - and I'm most definitely not telling him which hospital I work at!!

I only saw the messages once I took a break from work.

I blocked him via iMessage - which means he can't text/call my phone at all. (Whereas blocking on WhatsApp just blocked him on that particular app).

That lack of awareness is something else altogether!

See this is why I would have politely said I'm not interested rather than blocking without explanation. Something along the lines of "just to let you know I found your pedo comments really tiring and immature, this along with just not feeling the right connection, means I'd rather not take things any further. I wish you all the best." Remove the italics bit if you'd rather.
Yes in an ideal world we wouldn't have to appease men but I think better than leaving them potentially agitated by the silence and therefore more likely to pester you (as your date has indeed done).

NurtureGrow · 11/09/2025 14:04

Definitely tell him the truth.

  1. I think it’s important to write down who you want to meet, what they are like, then take the actions to meet them, knowing you will. Say no to people that aren’t right and move on. Max 1 - 2 dates if someone isn’t right. Honestly everything changed for me when I did that. I’d had enough and was thoroughly fed up. After years and years and years of things not working, I met my now husband within 2 months, moved in within 6, got engaged, married, etc
  2. The second thing that’s crucially important is to always be honest. It’s powerful, cuts through rubbish and even creates connection. With this guy the first time he said that I might have smirked mildly out of surprise. After that I would have said what’s true ie: ‘I was looking forward to meeting you, but unfortunately you are making me feel uncomfortable with that comment.’ If he carried on. Continue being honest. ‘To be honest, I’m sorry, but I’ve now lost any respect I might have had for you.’ You can say it calmly. In that moment, he may snap out of it and say ie ‘I’m so sorry, I’m being a complete idiot, I’m nervous and trying to create connection with you.’ Then something would have shifted. Or he would have been offended or similar or you would have, and the date would have ended. / It’s never too late to be honest in this moment now. Text whatever is true and honest to him now. See what he says. It may shift. If not, say nice to meet you (or not, if it’s not true! :)) and move on. YOU CAN NEVER GO WRONG IF YOU ARE HONEST. You will find more connection or find there is none.. and move on faster to meet your partner. Being honest you are always on the right track.

I worked with a dating coach to learn this. I told a friend of a family member in passing recently and now after years of not finding her partner, she did this and has met him.

Try applying it, don’t give up. Make a decision what your future partner is like, don’t be afraid to say yes or no, and always be honest!

I hope this helps x

Phoenixfire1988 · 11/09/2025 13:59

He's clearly insecure about your excellent job and feels threatened by it his behaviour is a huge red flag and I'd block him immediately

Daygloboo · 11/09/2025 13:59

BumpyWinds · 11/09/2025 12:36

First thing I learned with online dating was never do a meal for a first date. You're tied to waiting for food or waiting for a bill, etc.

Much easier to meet up for a drink (with the excuse that you're meeting friends later) to give you the option to leave quickly/early if you're not feeling it.

Better luck with the next one OP!

Show quote history

I still think he might have been autistic.

AngelicKaty · 11/09/2025 13:56

brackenbury · 11/09/2025 12:15

So I blocked him last night on WhatsApp (which is the only platform on my device that we were communicating on).

He then iMessage-d me today AM saying: "????"

Two hours later he messaged again saying: "Where do you work? I'm WFH (strikes) and can meet you after work."

That's not even an 'invite' to a second date - and I'm most definitely not telling him which hospital I work at!!

I only saw the messages once I took a break from work.

I blocked him via iMessage - which means he can't text/call my phone at all. (Whereas blocking on WhatsApp just blocked him on that particular app).

That lack of awareness is something else altogether!

Thanks for the update OP, which confirms two things:

  • He has the self-awareness of a bump on a log, and
  • You blocking and ignoring him is really bugging him ... GOOD! 😉😂
Enjoy your peace. xx
Notsandwiches · 11/09/2025 13:55

I no longer date but have daughters who do. The eldest just ditched anyone exhibiting red flags. She doesn't give a reason and says it's not her role to try and either fix or educate them. I think she's right.

Tkaequondo · 11/09/2025 13:54

@brackenbury Ugh the date sounds absolutely the most torturous thing to endure.
I would not contact him other than to say "thank you for meeting me the other night. I don't wish to take this further and wish you all the best". I would not entertain the mocking messages suggested by other posters and honestly doubt that you would do so anyway.

And I would scour my friendship group to see if they have single friends you might like to meet for dinner, with them, in the context of they have been vetted by these friends as appropriately functioning adults.

MikeRafone · 11/09/2025 13:50

He felt intimidated by you being a doctor, to compensate for that he tried his best to put you down. Such a shame some people are like this as they feel inadequate.

Id be tempted to text and block

Dear Mr Disaster date,

Have spoken to a few of my close friends about your behaviour and they all came to the same conclusion, either you have a little willie or you just feel totally inadequate in life - not bothered which it is so will bloc and move on

researchers3 · 11/09/2025 13:47

Chompingatthebeat · 10/09/2025 17:47

Tell him to P off

Perfect response! Please do this! Then block.

Cattenberg · 11/09/2025 13:46

I know you don't owe him an explanation, but it might save you time if you say something like, "Unfortunately, we're not a match, so it's best if we leave it there. I wish you well".

Perhaps in his mind, the date went well and he's genuinely puzzled? After all, he doesn't sound as if he has a lot of self-awareness.

Nikki3009 · 11/09/2025 13:36

He's a man child with what sounds like an absolutely vile attitude towards women. God forbid a woman has an excellent career which she has trained extremely hard for - of course that means you need taking down a peg or two to spare his feelings of inferiority.
Block him ASAP

CakeFace1234 · 11/09/2025 13:35

Sorry you had such a bad date. You deserve so much better than this persistent idiot - who incidentally, must have no insight whatsoever and should be spending the rest of his life cringing about what a twit he was. Hope that's the last you hear from him.

Tillow4ever · 11/09/2025 13:25

Honestly, I’d reply with the laughing emoji )or just react with that to his comment if the platform he used to message allows it) then block.

apricotcobbler · 11/09/2025 13:21

Next time you come across some eejit like this, give yourself permission to walk away from the date.

When I was divorced and dating I lost track of the times that I walked out on rude, disrespectful guys who lacked even basic manners on a first date.

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