To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

I think if you can afford it and are happy to do it why not, helping someone else DC is a very generous thing to do.
I suppose a lot of posters are jealous that you have the means to do so. You could suggest it as a loan to your BF.

Is your boyfriend’s name Chris? Because if it is, he tried to get me to 💰 his third child’s school fees too. It was a son.

Do not do it. You’re being used.

I think this idea is incredibly kind of you.
Personally, I wouldn't do it though. You haven't met this child and it is ultimately up to the parents to pay. They made the choice to send their children to a private school and the financial commitment that comes with that.
I know it's not the point at all but, if the roles were reversed, would he do the same for your children?
I think you are amazing to even think of this, but I would say don't do it.

I think this idea is incredibly kind of you.
Personally, I wouldn't do it though. You haven't met this child and it is ultimately up to the parents to pay. They made the choice to send their children to a private school and the financial commitment that comes with that.
I know it's not the point at all but, if the roles were reversed, would he do the same for your children?
I think you are amazing to even think of this, but I would say don't do it.

Imagine she pays the fees then they split, then she'll feel completely used.

Its a no win situation

I love the idea of bursary’s - but his child’s independent schooling days are paid. 6th form independent schooling is ridiculously and substantially MORE expensive so I feel he’s fishing here. There are plenty of 6th forms and colleges that free amazing and better courses. Say no!

Its lovely of you. But dont do it or offer financial assistance for anything.
If I was the Mother I would initially feel like you were being intrusive.

Could he be scamming you?

And why not throw in a cruise for the ex wife while you’re at it?!
A private education is a massive indulgence not a necessity. Absolutely do not do it, your children may well have need of that money in the future and may resent you for it.
Life is long and unpredictable. I have been financially very comfortable my whole life. I moved to the US in my fifties and was then diagnosed with a very expensive chronic health problem, even with the best health insurance my bills are phenomenal. My 90 year old mother, who was a bigger saver, is now kindly contributing to them. Please save your money for your children.
furthermore, you say this boyfriend as semi retired, why would he not work for a few more years if he is devastated?

Yanbu, but I'd do it as a loan (with low expectation of payback, but its a principle). I would however do it in writing so I've evidence if BF mucked up.

Dc, or parents could pay it back.

Both my DC recently moved from different private schools to a state sixth form. The move had nothing to do with finances, but both private schools stated that they were open to reaching a financial arrangement if it was.

Neither DC regrets the decision to move. They kept in touch with their old friends and gained new friends in the process.

They both said there was no discernible difference in the quality of the teaching. They gained extra independence and got access to university outreach and lecture programmes that are not open to private school pupils.

My DD has vowed she will never send her kids private as she’s realised it’s a complete waste of money.

I was worried you were paying the full whack of sixth form fees - which are £60k for my dd as a day student at a top school. You’ve subsequently said £10k which is a very kind gift if you can afford it and you won’t look back on it with regret if the relationship ends shortly.

Are you mad?
Yeah its a great gift, but what happens the next time he hints about being short of cash?
No money for holiday, Op you could just pay, you've got plenty money.
Car needs fixed, the washing machine is dead, etc etc

Op wouldn't be the first person to have lent or given money to a new partner only for when they say No More the relationship is over and they don't see the partner for dust!
And they are off to find another mug to milk dry.

I don’t see kindness as gendered, but you do you

I think I would if I could. It's not about who has the 'responsibility', it's a kind gift and if can afford it why not? I think it's a great idea.

Your BF needs to be back in full time employment until his DC has completed sixth form and probably university.

Save this money for your own retirement or DC.

We need to stop teaching our girls to 'be kind' and ' thoughful' if it's turning them into doormats.

personally you should not do this, it will either undermine him and he may start feeling inadequate or he will get offended or he’s planted that seed of being really upset hoping you’d offer in which he’s using you.

do you find yourself paying for things, is the relationship equal, are you making his ride easier with little in return.

I think the teenager, your boyfriend and his ex wife need to understand the value of independent education for sixth form. It may be a disadvantage for university admissions. The school may only be able to offer a limited range of subjects because of their small numbers compared with larger sixth form / FE colleges.

On the other hand the school may be able to offer bespoke options that fit the teenager's needs well.

They need to visit all the viable options within reasonable daily travelling distance from home during the open evenings over the autumn.

If university is a potential option it's worth going to open days that fall after GCSEs next summer - some universities care about A level choices in different ways.

The existing school are not best placed to advise - they will want to keep the teenager.

So I don't think you need to make a decision now - it's too early to be confident the existing school will be right for sixth form.

If you are going to do it - what if the teenager unexpectedly does very badly in their GCSEs and staying on at the school seems wrong in the circs?

I think morally if you start you'll be stuck with this for two or even three years regardless of what happens with your relationship with your boyfriend.

Secrets have a way of coming out over time - don't rely on the teenager never finding out you helped.

To be honest I wouldn't be handing over thousands to a boyfriend I'd only been dating for a year especially when you haven't even met the kid who's education you're contemplating paying to continue. The lad has two parents who clearly didn't think over the affordability of sending 3 kids to private education. The fact you're asking on Mumsnet suggests you have some doubts and possibly rightly so. Thing is your boyfriend COULD end up taking advantage of your kindness and expect you to bail him out of other large financial commitments

No private school that I am aware of would pay a bursary to a child because their parents had decided to go part time in their fifties for a better work/life balance.

They look at your finances in great detail, and expect you to have explored all avenues to afford the fees yourself.

Sorry but I can't believe that you are seriously considering this or that anyone thinks that this is reasonable. You have never even met the child for goodness sake. Also what sort of person is he to willingly accept your money.

Sixth form will be fine . So different to normal education. Look at a lot of sixth form colleges in your area. Not necessarily just schools. There will be a new influx from many people then .

with schools you might get the cohort from previous years . With 6th form colleges everyone is new and treated as an adult . No uniform, cafes,
canteens etc. the pupils going will have chosen their subjects and venue so will be more selective.

if it all fails the private school will always except child back ( with your money ) they always need fee payers. Try college first .

Sounds like you could potentially be on the next season of the Netflix show Love Con Revenge, if you hand that money over! Id be very wary of handing money over, especially the amounts you are talking, to any man/woman, for any reason.

Has he applied to the school for a bursary. I worked in private education for many years and a good number of children has bursaries, especially during/after covid.