To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

I think DC3 should try a state 6th form. He might get on well there. He might even prefer the extra freedom, and being more self directed is excellent prep for uni. Your BF's fear of the unknown/slumming it with the masses is not a good enough reason for you to pay more for his child's education that you did for your own.

If DC3 tries state and can't cope, revisit it.

All you will achieve is deep resentment from the parents even though they won’t like to admit it.

This is odd to me. Why do his children never come to visit and stay with him? ( Even if he had to engineer it specifically so that you can meet them…)Why would you want to pay a large sum of money towards the education of a child you are not otherwise interested in and don’t even want to meet?

I mean this is an incredibly nice thing to want to do. You need to think seriously though would it be a loan or gift what if you and BF split etc. It's a tough one it really depends on if you wouldn't mind paying the money regardless of potentially not seeing a return or splitting up.

It's a big gift. How would you feel if you split up with your boyfriend shortly after paying the school fees. Only do it if you would be perfectly OK with that.

You might also consider a loan, or a contribution, rather than paying the whole lot outright.

Also, it's quite normal to move schools at sixth form, including from private to state or vice versa. What do the alternatives look like? Are they really that bad? Is it really worth it?

I was going to say yabu but actually having read your further posts I think yes pay it. It's a lovely generous thing to do and I hope it's as graciously received as given.

No it's not your responsibility and you have no relationship with the DC. My DS moved from private to state sixth form. His choice not mine and it wasn't a financial decision. Yes he's lost the fancy stuff (which he isn't bothered about) but academically it's not much different and the independence is good prep for uni.

Crumbs - not sure how I would feel as your children who went to state school while you funded a boyfriend’s child to go private?

He and/or ex-wife need to get a loan and sort it out. Not your circus, not your monkeys. If you have money to spare - consider using it on your kids (university fees, pay off student loans, deposit on first property etc etc).

Ah how lovely are you to even consider this. How about loaning them the money rather than paying it as a favour? How much is the shortfall?
you really don’t have too and I am sure everyone on here bar a few will tell you not too but I think if you can - you should pay it forward but perhaps try to get some protection for yourself. Maybe a small repayment until it’s paid in full.

I think if I had the means to do so with no impact on mine or my children’s finances then I would consider as a loan with proper paperwork through a lawyer with a repayment plan. I’d also suggest they speak to the school about a bursary first.

In your shoes, I’d worry what my own children thought and that it might come across as preferential treatment. You also need to consider that you need to be careful that this isn’t a slippery slope of more and more loans. For example, how are they planning to support at University?

If you think giving £10 grand way out of a lifetime savings of £50 grand is ok then thats up to you. It most certainly wouldn't be me.

And put it into perspective. The school fees are £60 grand. Do you honestly think the boyfriend couldn't get a bank loan for the other £10k?
Whats his house worth, could he down size, could he release some cash from his car?

Hes semi retired, you don't semi-retire without a decent pot of savings.

Hmm. My gut reaction was no... but then you mentioned that you'd had the opportunity to attend private school and others had helped your parents with fees. It would be a wonderful gift to pay it forward - would you do the same favour for a close friend's child? Take the romantic element out. It's absolutely not your responsibility, but would be a very kind, life changing gift to give if you feel appropriate to do so.

So much shock-horror on here but I think your offer is ok. However, I would make it a loan with a legal agreement and repayment plan. Up to you if you want to make it interest-free or low interest.

Less than a 5th

If op succeeded in saving that amount and considers giving £10K then yes…that shouldn’t be felt in her finances.

However the relationships will be changed and money has a way of breaking them so it isn’t a great idea I reckon.

You can absolutely think otherwise 👀👌

Why? Whats wrong with the local school?

Hi, I have recently supported a Ukrainian family with school fees for their child. No loan. No strings. Child doesn’t know. My children don’t know. My husband does. It’s your money.

If you want to be a mug by all means go ahead. I’d be very upset if I was one of your children. Even more so because you clearly aren’t married nor have you a blended family seeing as you’ve never even met the child in question.

Very strange idea!
This matter is between the child’s parents and the fact that your partner has shared it with you indicates to me that he’s hinting you pay for it.
Neither parent can afford it so child goes to regular state school, end of.
The fact that you’ve never even met the child but you’re thinking of paying for it is strange, you don’t even have a relationship with her!

@H0210zero if its that vital why is the Dad not working full-time, why is he semi-retired?
Op dropped that in on a later post.

But shes an absolute mug if she coughs up for a kid shes never met and for something her own kids never had.

How does she know its not a scam? Their are plenty tight fisted people out there.

I'm honestly surprised at some of these messages. You must be considering it if you had to ask. It's not the kids fault that things are right and if you want to pay then do so. Whoever says your a fool is a bigger fool. You know yourself how important receiving help for those fees is. The DC3 is about to lose their school at a vital time. The last year will set them back a lot g way of they're expected to change the year before sixth form. Why would anyone advise you not to is beyond me. Unless there's any concerns about BF taking financial advantage of you then go for it. But on the other side I wouldn't expect anything back you may never see anything from it in the future and if the relationship later dialed you'd see nothing. But you'd at least know a child wasn't uprooted from their school at a vital time and you helped where you could.

Deep red flags all over the place. You, OP, sound lovely, genuine and trusting but please do not do this. You haven't met the children, are there any children? How would you know? Tread carefully and if you have to do that, he's not for you

It is not your responsibility, and he should not ask. It would be different if it was for the crucial last year of GCSE's, but it is not unusual to change schools for sixth form. My daughter moved to a state school sixth form due to our changing financial circumstances and really enjoyed herself. Our son had his whole education at a top public school, so we spend considerably more on him, but we will make to up to her in the years to come.

Absolutely not. Give the money to your own children. Apart from all the obvious points about it not being your responsibility, and what if you split up and don’t want to pay anymore, I think it would probably be the beginning of the end for your relationship. It might not seem a big deal, but over time he’ll come to expect it. You’ll end up being resentful if it seems he’s wasting money elsewhere. It’s just a bad idea all round.

Definitely not. Especially given it’s sixth form

Mums here are trying to protect the OP, while the OP really wants to hand over her money and be a saviour...