To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

If you can very comfortably afford it, I think it would be a kind and generous thing to do. But totally depends on your means.

What a two fingers up to your own kids! Im not paying for you to attend a top private school but ill do it for the man of the moments kid ive never met/they wont be grateful. Give your head a wobble op

Has he no pride?
If he wants his DC to remain at public school then he needs to work harder to fund it.

I do think she's very kind. But I also think daft to even to consider it.
The boyfriend and ex must have other options and she's in danger of becoming a cash cow.

You’d be off your rocker to do this. Are you insecure about your relationship? Do you have rescuer tendencies?

Has BF considered un-part-retiring to earn enough to cover the shortfall? I was not privately educated but can see the value, and I sympathise with your karma, but would sixth form really make so much difference?

You have misunderstood.

Paying the money isn't just about paying the money though. Pp have said "it's your money, do as you please" "lovely thing to do why not ?" But it's money in the context of a relationship
The dynamic of the relationship will change.
Will BF feel beholden to you ?
Will your children resent you or think you're gullible?
How wise would you consider this is 5 years time ?

I would. But I’d ask for it to be paid back.

You really need to get your head examined to even consider this?

and the BF is devastated? devastated for having a child being able to attend a maintained 6th form college too? I suggest you book a double x-ray.

Agree with all of this. However what you’re not factoring in is what the OP wants to do. She’s talking about giving the money across. Again if she wants to, and is financially able too, up to her isn’t it.

If you nor I can fathom gifting 10k, doesn’t mean someone else can’t - with no strings.

Other people are made differently to me - I wouldn’t be doing this whatsoever. I would like to think most people would also refuse such a gift. It sounds like they’ve known each other a long period prior to their relationship.

Good Samaritans exists in many forms. The fact OP is even wondering about this suggests she may well be a very good egg.

Could he get another job?

Why wouldn't he go to a bank rather than a girlfriend?
Some people even have credit cards that could pay £10k.

The reasons to borrow from a friend, you have bad credit ratings, or you are borrowing tiny sums ie £20 to Friday.

Or your a fraudster with zero intent of paying it back.

Maybe a loan arrangement?

That’s an interesting take, and one that @WhyWhyWhyDelulu should take seriously.

Are you sure this isn’t a scam ? You’ve not met his wife / ex wife or his children, you don’t even know if they exist !

Im guessing that your “DP “ has several women like you in the different towns that he commutes to and he’s trying to get £20k from each of them .

Yeah I think people here do post what they think in general tbh 🥸

my bet is that it isn’t a “limited lifetime savings” kinda situation…

alright, cheers 👌

No. Unless you want to.

There’s none so blind as those that will not see…

Yip we have no idea how Ops own kids are set up. Houses, kids, illness, unexpected pregnancy, heaven forbid death (leaving kids that need supported).

Its nuts to give away that sort of money, unless your a multi millionaire whos raking cash in from investments all over the place.

But certainly not the average person dipping into their life savings and it will take them 2 or 3 years of putting money aside to replace it.

I find this hard to relate to as I’d never consider this in a million years.

If you are looking to do something philanthropic with your extra cash, there’s probably better routes.

Would you be expecting it paid back? If so, make sure you get it drawn up as a proper loan agreement. For example, if your boyfriend passes away before the loan is paid and it’s just a gentleman’s agreement, you might never see the money again.

If you are literally just giving it away, are you quite sure that you don’t need it for your own children? What if they need to go back to uni in the future to re-train? Many young people will switch careers in their life due to changing job markets. Would you still be able to easily help them?

What about helping them buy a home? My parents probably assumed at the age of 39, I was totally secure having a good job, got married and bought a house. When my husband left me, I had to borrow cash off my parents to buy him out of the house.

All sorts of life circumstances could hit your children in the future than an extra £20k could be of use.

Think carefully x

If your unsure what to do try think of it this way if the shoe was on the other foot what would you want your BF to do

1. offer to help you out
2. Refuse to help and say your kids your problem
3. Wait for you to ask for help

If you never expect the money back then do it, otherwise it’ll cause so much stress and resentment it’s not worth it.

I wouldn't loan either Ops got little chance of seeing it again.
If he wanted a Loan he'd go to the bank, remortgage his house, down size his car.

I don't know why I'm so invested in this but I cannot believe the number of people who think giving away £10 grand is nothing, just. a nice thing to do'.

It’s your money to do what you like with but I think the offer of a loan would be more than generous, but as others have said, definitely get it legally drawn up to protect yourself. Personally I wouldn’t involve myself at all but it’s your choice.