To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

Maybe you can pay their uni fees too?

No chance on so many levels. I could maybe understand if this was a step child you had been involved in raising and you were married but you havent even met this child that tells you how new the relationship is. Does your partner know how comfortable financially you are? It's setting the tone for the relationship you are willing to bankroll him what will he not be able to afford next a new car, holiday, home improvements? Sorry but this is not your problem to solve

"I guess I was expecting a bit more sympathy for BF!"

You must be joking!

Unless your kids are all on property ladder and very financially secure long term (unlikely) then yabu. That money needs to be spent on your own kids.

Absolutely this ^. You haven't even met the child and you've only actually been in a relationship with the father for just over a year (IMHO how long you've known him before is irrelevant in this situation) yet you're putting them before your own children.

I think it’s actually an incredibly kind thing to do. It can be very damaging for a child of any age to change school let alone being forced to. I absolutely can’t stand the whole private school bashing as I’d have given a kidney to have been able to go as a teen, but it wasn’t on my parents radar at all due to their belief that private school was for rich posh kids.
If you do it OP, do it anonymously for the young person, perhaps pay the school direct. And I too believe in karma.

Absolutely all of this.

I would tell even a well established stepmum not to feel like she has an obligation to do this, nevermind a girlfriend of one year!

When you say your children are very well set up etc - do you mean that if you said to them "I have 10k spare so I was thinking of giving it to my boyfriend's son for private school" they would say "that's cool mum, I don't need any help anyway" ? If there's the slightest chance it would upset them if you gave that money away to someone else's child, I wouldn't do it.

If you had been in a settled, living-together relationship for five years and knew the DC, maybe. As it stands, no. It would alter the dynamics of your relationship and might reasonably annoy your own DC.

What if you and the bf broke up, perhaps with some bad feeling, in the near future, e.g. you discovered he was cheating on you? Would you carry on paying for the education of a child you had never met, the child of someone you by then disliked?

It’s not your problem.

Your own children would be justified to hate you for this, think you were desperate, stupid and cock-blinded to give this much money to your current bf.

Your bf would be a pathetic user if he even considered accepting.

What is wrong with you. If you want to give away free money, give it to your children.

Your bursary didn't come from a parent's partner of 'over a year', I'm guessing?

You'd be mad.

Absolutely no way. Especially as it’s for 6th form which is a much easier move than mid way through the earlier years.
Put that money away safe for you and your children. You never know what’s around the corner and you may need it.
You haven’t even met his son and your relationship is very new. It’s not your issue and is for him and his ex wife to manage.

Please keep the money for your own family.

Absolutely not!!

If you can afford it and are prepared to lose it then its entirely up to you, however.... Ask yourself the following questions first:
Would you feel resentful if you split very shortly after paying for the school fees?
How would you feel if said child decides that they hate you for no reason or worse still, drops out of sixth-form and wastes your money?
How would your children feel knowing you've spent your money on someone else's children?
Do you want anything in return for this grand gesture even if its just gratitude? How will you feel if its just swept under the carpet in a few months time?

Remember, no good deed goes unpunished

Unless your kids are all on property ladder and very financially secure long term (unlikely) then yabu. That money needs to be spent on your own kids.

I think it’s a lovely thing to do, but you need to have the money and some. I think if you do it you should pay two years up front. No way there should be the risk that you break up so the child’s school fees are at risk and his A levels go to pot.
Maybe ask of there is an amount they could afford if you topped up. Or do a loan.

I was private educated and know full well that what seems do-able can change enormously seven or eight years later. I also know full well that my parents needed friends and family to chip in now and again when it was more difficult, and I am eternally grateful.

For me, it would depend on both the materiality and the affordability now, and whether or not the BF intended to pay it back. if it's just a cashflow issue and you can help out, then I don't see how it is a problem.

In the words of my Mother there is No fool like an old fool

If you're doing it as a kind of 'pay it forward' idea, and you can afford to lose that money (not just now, but in the future if you were to get sick and need private care, or you were to suddenly lose your job etc), crack on. If you're doing it just because of your BF then I'd be a bit wary...has he been looking for additional work to supplement his income? Has he looked into taking out a loan (not that I'm recommending this, I am just curious as to what he has actually done to try to resolve this on his own, rather than simply act distraught)?

How would your dc feel if you give dp £10-20000? They’d probably prefer the money for a house deposit. What if you lose your job next week? Or need the money to support your dc?

What if you and dp split up next week?

Dp must have been aware of this situation coming. Cynical me wonders if he sees you as a cash cow.

If he suggests getting a loan of you, then be cautious. As he is expecting (demanding) a gift, he may not actually pay it back. . Direct him to a bank to get a loan. There’s been too many threads on mn where people have loaned money from pounds to thousands and have never got it back, despite repeated promises.

You’ve been seeing this person for five minutes. It’s a big, cf ask/assumption from him to assume you will pay.

As they are headed to 6th form then no. Its a natural breakpoint to start a new school.
Surely they should move now instead of December?

DC3 needs to get used to the real world sooner rather than later. Now's a good time to do it.

You're only a year into your relationship, you're storing up a lot of problems if the relationship should go downhill.

I wouldn’t be asking Mumsnet, I’d be asking your own children what they think. You might be surprised at their reaction.