To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

This exactly.

Do you want to do it to feel good about yourself? Feel like you’re high and mighty like some white saviour complex? Find random (not) destitute people to donate money to?

Quite. This is a bit laughable, OP. Are you winding everyone up?

Can you afford to lose it all or are you hoping he will pay you back?

But were they paying so the child’s parents didn’t have to get a job? Which would be the situation here.

Absolutely not, utterly ridiculous.

If the DS is seriously going to be taken out of the school, you see a future with his DF and the sum of money to you is the equivalent of an annual holiday then i would pay it. Id hate to see a child's education disrupted at the final hurdle through no fault of their own. I think its thoroughly decent that you wouldn't want the child to know that the money came from you.

My brothers God father paid for him to have a couple of terms at a private nursery before he started school as he was really struggling in the Council one. He was a good family friend at the time but as sometimes happens people grow up in different directions and pick up different hobbies. We now rarely see this family friend except to occasionally bump into in the street. I occasionally wonder whether he ever gives a thought to the positive impact he had on my brothers life by giving that money to my parents for his place, 30 odd years ago.

I agree with pp that it seems odd the DF would rather pull his son out of school than go back to work full time for a few years.

he will have to ‘un retire ‘ till his kids have finished school.
I don’t think you should pay.

Why on earth did your boyfriend retire when he still had a child in (what was presumably at that point) year 10? (I assume he has just started Year 11, as if he was going to move to state for year 12 he already would have done). There are not many people who think of retiring when they have young teenagers still in school.

Honestly if he is that cavalier about paying for his son’s education, you definitely shouldn’t step in. You should never care more than the boy’s own parents do.

You’ve only been together a year in a LDR and haven’t met the child but are considering paying their fees
He needs to get another job,they both do, scale back,sell his car, sell stuff, the parents need to make the sacrifices. Not you

Read this and then decide.

You've never met the child. He lives in a different part of the country. Have you met the ex or anyone else connected with him? How do you know you're not being fed a story?

Absolutely not. You’d be beyond BONKERS to even consider it. Unless you want to just be the cash cow?

Funding social mobility schemes via work is what I'd spend my money on, not bankrolling other privileged people's kids through private school.

If you'd been together many years, living together or married and had a relationship with his children, then it's something you could have given some thought. In your circumstances, the answer would be No. You've never met the child concerned (and I guess you haven't met the other two either), you have no relationship with them, you've only been dating a year and don't live together (knowing each other prior to dating doesn't count). You'd be crazy to even consider paying the fees. It's not your responsibility.

It's a ridiculous idea, just so you can feel like the benefactor. If a boy friend accepted, it would put me right off him. Wouldn't it you OP?
You say you had help. I bet that was family and god parents, not your father's girlfriend of a year.
A different 6th form can do the world if good. He's going to have to mix with the hoi polloi at some time.

definitely not, it’s a terrible idea.

If your relationship is struggling your bf won’t be able to split up with you because he’ll need your cash for two years! Mad idea.

OP as someone who used to do stupid shit like this, I cannot emphasise enough: DO NOT DO THIS!!!

You think your boyfriend will be grateful and you will feel like his saviour, but in reality this will end very badly. You will look like a desperate crazy/stupid lady trying to buy his love and he will eventually resent your help and you will break up on bad terms. You will think he's an ungrateful sod and he will think you're just a fool. It always ends this way.

No good deed goes unpunished and all that...

Absolutely no way.

Please do not do this, it would be absolute madness.

Just read further. He’s part retired Can he go back full time then / pick up some extra hours / contracts. Etc. If the answer is yes then it’s not that he can’t afford it, it’s that he won’t afford it.

Must admit I winced at him being 'part-retired'. The VAT has been trailed for about two years and in place for a year, so lots of time for him and his ex to make adjustments or prep DS for state 6th form.

I agree with others that there will be potentially more angst from him about Uni costs etc. And the weirdness that a £10K gift would create in a one-year relationship.

If DC3 is that gifted, he/she may do very well wherever they go. It's a shame to move from what you know, and there will be a sense of inequality between the three children. Could he go back to full time? What is his plan to fund universty?

If you have the means and want to do it then why not? It’s your choice. I know several people who had school fees paid for by generous and kind hearted people x

I’ve got a couple of kids and I am finding the fees a bit tricky now. I might have to get a job. Do you think you could bung me a couple of 100 grand as well, to continue their education as it’s really vital they benefit from a private education and you clearly don’t need your money for your own family and can easily skip a holiday or two🤔

It will change your relationship.
He will feel indebted to you.
The child's mother might not like it.
They might be insulted and feel like it's charity.
There are so many things that could go wrong and come back to bite you despite your good intentions.

A) Don't do it.
B) Has your boyfriend contacted the school to say they can't afford it anymore? Private schools will often reduce fees (I've even known them to waive fees entirely) for the last couple of years of a child's education if the family fall on hard times. This is particularly true for families who have had multiple children go all the way through the school.