To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

Err...........

NO!!!

Maybe OPs children won't resent the money but they might query why their mother is giving money to a man she's known for a year doesn't live with and is supporting a child she's not met.

Yes you want to help, and have means to do so. But whT impact would helping have on your relationship? Would it change things even unintentionally? What if they needed more chaos than you anticipate? What if DC was unhappy and dropped out and you lost the cash? What if you break up ?
I think you need to consider every scenario, the consequences and how you would feel.
I don't think it's as straight forward as you hope.

i think you're getting a hard time and also think if you are in a position to do so then why not?

Thing to consider though - will he feel indebted to you? How would you feel if he ended the relationship months...years down the line? would you regret helping his DC?

@MaurineWayBack It’s the potential for the op to keep paying in the future. This won’t stop. I have enough money but I’d be cross if my DM fell for this. The op should discuss it with her dc. Who makes this sort of decision and hides it?

A teen entering 6th form is turning 17yo that year. They’re not adult!
The OP is clear that her dcs went to a grammar school instead and have been well provided.
Income varies in time. What wasn’t possible when her DCs were at secondary/6th form might be possible now.
Do you think her dcs would be jealous of £5k per year? I mean it’s her money, she could have decided to pay for a hols with said partner instead.

Don't get involved....it comes back and bite you.

Pick me behaviour.

They’ve been able to afford to send three children through private school but have neither £5k each in savings nor £5k each in releasable equity?

@WhyWhyWhyDelulu im going to go against the grain here. If you can afford to and don’t want/need it back I would.

As he is part retired you would be paying for his lifestyle choice. Would you offer to pay some of his mortgage or his food bill? He is making the choice not to fund this, he could work full time or make other arrangements.

6th form costs today, university costs tomorrow. The begging bowl won’t be put away. These people need to sort out their finances.

If it was that important to him he'd go back to work full time for a couple of years, or even take out a small loan to cover the shortfall, but he has chosen to start to wind down and semi retire, and that decision has a consequence of not having as much money available.

DD had the benefit of private education. DH and I would have taken 2nd or 3rd jobs before we asked anyone else to help. It’s not your problem it’s your OH’s and his ex. Use your money to make a difference to a child who has little e.g. sponsoring or donating to a food bank.

Going against the grain of most posters, if I could change the life of a young person who is close to me, even indirectly, by giving a few thousand, then I would want to do it, especially if I could do it whilst still giving my own children what I want to give them (=a fully paid up first Uni degree with no debt, and then they can make their own way in the world), and also without having to cut back personal spending nor to put my own financial security at risk,

My only hesitations would be around any problematic feelings that could provoke in others, because people can get really weird about money, in a way that they often do not about other forms of generosity.

You’ve said that you benefitted from such help and want to pay it forward. You’ve said you can afford it, it won’t cause you an issue financially, or otherwise in terms of your DC.
If it’s doable, giving the money for the two years in one go would insulate against a split- if you can afford it.

Lots of people on here- me included- would not have this within reach at all, the money involved would just be too much, so it seems a shocking thing to consider. But you seem as though you’re in a different financial place altogether, so if you want to, go ahead.

Absolutely this.

My mum used to sit and rave about how smart and well educated my stepdad's nieces and nephews were til she made my sister hopping mad that she literally never discussed how well her own two grandkids were. My sister never forgave her and mum died without sis saying a word to her. So now she has this long lasting resentment (never one to let go of a grudge) inside her that she will never be rid of.

Me? I'd be the one who'd say "what do you expect from kids with a dad who earns 150k in Devon mum? How about you celebrate my boy's achievements in life instead of banging on about that lot?"

Mum would say "oops, was i really?" look guilty, say sorry, and probably only talk about them when asked.

Whatever you do, don't be that person. Resentment can be v strong for normal schooled versus public schooled, even if it is decades down the line. It's like the blinking freemasons as far as i can tell. Not what you know, but who.

Just be discreet pls.

And yeah I agree. If partner was genuinely that devastated he would not even hesitate to get back to work (ill health excepting). Presumably he knows you to be a generous person? Think very hard about whether you are being taken for a mug before you decide. People hoard money by getting people to believe they are on their arses broke. My LL own 1.2 million in houses - in the North by having spent their lives having people feel sorry for them.

Personally, the only circumstance in which i would even consider doing this would be if i was married and had full access to joint bank accounts to verify said lack of funds.

Partner? No way. Not even a fiancé.

Mmm, I'm wondering if he wants her to pay.

BF can work full time again, issue solved

BF is part retired? So he could actually work more/earn more?
I'm suspicious of DB's reasons for sharing his distress with you. He must know you are comfortable (aware of your expensive family holidays for a start).

No it will be bad for the relationship and he will probably dump you at some point if you do it. Men really don’t respect women who’ve had to bail them out financially in the early stages of relationships. The dynamic becomes off because you’ll have emasculated him.

I don’t think devastated is an appropriate descriptor or response in this situation. It’s hardly a matter of life and limb.

Also, it’s sixth form. If the private education is going to help it will already have done a lot of the work, and DC3 can take that with him to a sixth form college. Lots of people change where they go for sixth form. If DC3 really needs the special attentions and strategies of his private school to get him through A levels at this point, he must be really struggling and perhaps he could feel happier at a college with more vocational courses and less pressure.

Plenty of charities where you can support a child's education if you want to pay it forward. That would sit much better with your kids than giving free cash to a possible future stepkid.

I would offer a year maybe to help out my partner but don't over commit especially if your unmarried ect.