To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

You BF is semi-retired? Well, there is the answer. He comes out of retirement or gets a second, part time job to fund his child. If he is that bothered. Or maybe, as your children are apparantly more successful than his after not going to private school, he doesn't think it is worth him making that effort. Either way, no way should you pay and you must be cock struck to entertain the idea for a second.

OP has said:

'BF part-retired anticipating comfortably seeing his DC through school but divorce, VAT and other fee increases has challenged this. It is too much for him.'

Surely, if he is as 'devastated' as OP says, he would go back to full-time work until his child finishes 6th form.

People don't normally retire when they still have school-aged children, particularly if the children are in a very expensive private school.

Your DP can afford it. He just doesn’t want to. If he did he would go back to work full time. This is not your problem to solve, especially when they have a solution at their fingertips.

What’s so shocking about this thread is how many posters appear to have fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

This.

No, just no. You don't have a connection with the kid and you haven't been together all that long with your boyfiend. I say this as someone with children in private school. Save for retirement. If they're upset, they're upset. It's a huge expense that you shouldn't shoulder.

Right. She's an absolute mug, just another woman putting a boyfriend before her own kids.

Then BF can un-part retire. He can Go back to FT work to put his DC through private school if it’s important to him. As he’s unwilling to do that, then it’s clearly not that important to him.

This! How ridiculous to send your own kids to state school then pay for private school for some random kid you’ve never met. If I was your kids I would probably hate you for this. It’s not even your step kid if you’ve never met them.

If you have the means to do this without depriving yourself, I would. BUT I would make it a loan and get appropriate paperwork drawn up.
My parents educated all 3 of us privately, planning for it in advance. Luckily they were able to stay married in order to see their plans through.

We took our kids out of private and into state for 6tg form. Your bf can do the same. Don’t make him make you feel guilty!

Agreed.

My uni boyfriend attended a private Scottish secondary school and moved to a state secondary for 6th Yr.

You should just hand over all your money to him while you're at it, sign over the deeds to your house/car, anything you own and then get "I am a mug" tattooed on your forehead.

Why do you not want to lend it rather than give it ?
You say you think it’s £10k

is that per year or total amount ?

so tops £20k?

i don’t get why bf and ex can’t get a loan /add to their mortgage etc for their last child for £20k

Honestly it’s a no from me unless a loan and properly drawn up

def don’t give

I am paying an ex’s loan now as he isn’t working and won’t work - that is in my name as that’s what you love /marry someone - I am pissed off every day over it

you say you can afford it

I def can’t and begrudge it every month

if you split would you feel annoyed you had lost £20k?

My DD’s went to a normal state funded sixth form college and achieved straight A’s and now both at a decent university.

They didn’t need a private school for that;if the kid wants it and works hard then a decent college will do.

It's insane to consider gifting that sort of sum of money to a short-term boyfriend.

It will be far better for the dc to move school for the start of sixth form than part way through if your relationship ends.

It sounds a lot like the motivation is to improve or otherwise guarantee for boyfriend's affection, and while it's understandable to want that I just don't think it will work out like that. I think gifting an inappropriately huge sum of money is more likely to make the dynamic between you shift and doom the relationship.

I like your karma idea. Keep the flow going.

I can't get over all this quoting of "Education is everything" as if its an infallible mantra.

It's as if the option of going to a sixth form college - an institution geared specifically to helping students get their A Levels and qualifications and prepare them for university or future careers - is somehow a disaster for this boy - he's not being sent out to work for a chimney sweep for heavens sake.

He's already had 5 years of private secondary education and most likely private primary too.

Does all that count for nothing if he completes sixth form at a sixth form college? Quite a lot of private school students go to sixth form college.

Do you really believe he is more disadvantaged now than your own children?
Did your own children have crap educations because they didn't go to private school? You say they are doing great... isn't that a good example to give BF?

If his parents can't afford his school fees, they won't be able to afford his gap year (often expected) and certainly not his uni education - even with student loans which are getting larger and more expensive every year.

This all just seems so unlikely.

I don't think it's batshit (and MN loves a good private school bashing) BUT it's a bit shitty to pay for someone else's private school if you didn't pay for your kids'.
Also, if you decide to do that, you must have a plan for if/when you break up.

This 100%.

Sometimes I despair when I read some of these threads

Don’t be ridiculous. The lengths that some women will go to for a man continues to astound me.

Is there a danger he would then stay with you or feel obliged to stay with you just for the money, I’m sure you wouldn’t want that,

No, you are in a relatively new relationship….how many years do you think you would need to do it for…..the parents need to sort this out themselves, stay out of it and don’t raise the subject, save your money for your future children’s education if you intend to have them

If you lived together, he could probably save £10k of living costs and be able to afford the shortfall.
In fact I’m a bit surprised he hasn’t suggested it.

You're fucking nuts to even consider this.