To pay my boyfriend’s child’s school fees?

What did you decide to do @WhyWhyWhyDelulu

@WhyWhyWhyDelulu How are you? Have you any thoughts since starting this thread? What’s been the outcome?

Lots of us see it as a potential scam.
Shes obviously told him she savings or he wouldn't even make hints.

Probably, as that would be a red flag to me.

No it would make it very complicated and it's a normal time to move school anyway, starting sixth form fresh. Sixth form is also filled with people who have chosen to do their particular subjects so classes generally have
motivated learners. What would happen if things ended in a year? You would still be on the hook and it would be an awful time for a child to move mid way through a levels.

You also have a responsibility to your own children either to put those funds to use for your own retirement (so they are less burdened with care responsibilities/ cost) or you could help them with deposits/ moving house costs/ helping out when on mat leave down the line etc etc. This could do huge damage to your relationship with your own children who went through state education. It just isn't worth the risk or damage to such an important relationship!

You make some excellent points. I hadn't thought of it like that. Still not sure she deserves some of the harsher responses saying she is stupid or mad etc. It did seem like a kind gesture on the face of it but could end up very complicated as you have explained above.

Yes, it is different. You have a bond with your nephew and have known him all your life by doing so you're also helping your family. OP has commented that she hadn't met the son because she's not interested. But coupled with that OP is in a relationship; that's a very important aspect. Would OP think this a good idea if her bf and her split up, would it create an obligation on him to continue the relationship, be in the relationship for OPs money.

Wow some of these responses seem really harsh. I don't honestly know what to suggest here but thought OPs offer sounded very kind, and seemed to be coming from the right place to help out a child she doesn't even know so they wouldn't have to have their world turned upside down by moving schools. I can't see particularly why some of the MN replies are so angry. It doesn't seem like the OP is looking for anything in return and was just considering helping out to make someone she presumably loves less upset. I would do this completely if it was like one of my nephews so is it all that different because the child isn't related to the OP?

So what did you decide to do @WhyWhyWhyDelulu

help or not help

My guess is it's because she's being conned.

Since when has education up to the age of 18 NOT been schooling?

@DiaryofaProvincialLady I'm really impressed by your ability to be so consistently unpleasant. Tinkly laugh, head tilt. Ahhhh...

Please please please do not do this. Listen to someone with previous.

To me this screams of romance scam. Paying school fees is quite a common one apparently. OP apart from never having met his DC, have you met any of his family, his friends ? Do you even know what he does for a living part time? You say you have known him longer than a year but how much longer and where did you meet? Scammers groom their victims over a period of time . I would seriously be tempted to spend a bit of money on a private investigator and just see if he is who he says he is, before I parted with any other cash.

Oh the irony.

Show me where I said she should pay anything?

My post was correcting the mis-statements of OP's comments on this thread due to poor reading comprehension.

Like this one.

@DiaryofaProvincialLady why should she pay anything at all?

There are some excellent state sixth form colleges which get fabulous results from highly motived pupils. Some parents decide to move their children from public schools to complete at 6th form colleges as university apply more generous entry criteria.
You say your children had a great education but how would they feel if they knew you were handing over £10,000 - £20,000 to provide a very privileged education to a child you have never even met. I'm not sure they will appreciate your largesse, especially as you never paid anything toward their schooling.

The reading comprehension on this thread...😂diabolical

1 She said the DC has NOT been touted as a "whizz"

2 It is also NOT an LDR - the DC lives in a different part of the country to OP & BF - so BF commutes to see DC NOT OP.

3 OP would NOT be paying the full fees only TOPPING UP the shortfall the parents can't afford

So why does BF not go back to work full time to cover the school fees if he’s that “devastated?”

Your BF needs to get a grip! Devastated over his elder child having to move schools when they are doing 6th form? Most kids go to college from school to do 6th form and aren’t devastated! He’s being ridiculous and is clearly after your money!!! Throw this one back and start being more savvy with who you pick up!

1 BF is part retired - he can return to full time work

2 You have not met the child - they may not exist/romance scam (BF literally "devastated" WTF??? manipulation)

3 If you want to "pay forward" to absolve your guilt of receiving handouts, donate to a different private school bursary scheme - maybe for very bright kids from very poor/deprived areas in the UK or better still send the £20k to pay for the lifetime education and health needs of a child in a third world country

https://www.worldvision.in/

https://www.actionaid.org.uk/checkout/559818/order_information

Good lord no. BF is part retired? Well he can get back to work then rather than you paying his child’s school fees.

Your BF and his exDW will have a lot of relatives between them, to ask for help with this.

Never tell a new relationship how much savings you have!

@Needspaceforlego tagged myself in my last post, not you. What a donut!

Absolutely not your problem. This is still a very new relationship. You certainly don't owe kids you've never met a single penny.