To think that your marriage will be as sexist as the man you marry?

Too simplistic. Some women make bad choices but some men are equal partners until marriage and the first kid arrives.

The trouble is I don’t think people really know how their relationship with evolve after having children, for example. People have ideas about how they will be but life happens and things can change.

Honestly I think a lot of the sexist division of Labour kicks in after children.

I know a lot of couples where it’s all seemed very equal until babies arrived, and then more often than not she becomes manager of home and children (and husband) - usually while holding down a full time job.

I think maternity leave is to blame for some of this - often a year (or more with multiple children) of women taking on more of the domestic role as they are at home, and it never evens out when they go back to work.

I definitely agree that there is nothing inherently sexist about marriage and/or having children. I do find it very annoying when people say things like “it’s just how it is for mothers” when they’re talking about things to do with extra work. It’s very ingrained for some people though, my DH does half, but I’ve seen people on MN say “I bet the people who say their DH does half are either lying or delusional”. Very desperate to insist that their shit husband is the norm and no more can be expected of him.

I do think it’s probably easier to not really notice that someone doesn’t pull their weight when there are no children though. So I don’t think it’s as simple as “why did you have children with him??”

Yes, exactly. I’ve lost track of the number of posters on here who’ve told me that my DH is imaginary because he does all the cooking, grocery shopping and most of the laundry, and his fair share of parenting, household gruntwork, lifts, handles all the relationships with his side of the family.

There's definitely truth in this, but it is also societal, even though I travel more for work and have a less flexible more senior role than DH, it's still always me the school calls even though DH is primary contact, same with nursery, GP and most activities. I just either call DH or tell them to. Also the responses we got from various people when we said DH was condensing his hours after my mat leave and so was I and no I wasn't going part time we would be sharing childcare and school runs equally.
DH has been praised (by others not me) because he's so good because he's changing a nappy, putting some washing on, not asking me when I'l be home to cook dinner, doesn't mind that sometimes I'm not home to do bedtime.
The bar is low

The world isn't divided into sexist and non sexist men. All men are entirely capable of being both, and throughout the years can show more or less sexist traits, dependent on circumstances, and what best serves their interests.
A young woman living with a young man with minimal domestics responsibilities, no children, small flat, both working, eat out a lot, may well find he does his share of what little there is to do, and respects her career because doing so has no negative impact on his.
Fast forward to a couple of children and house, a maternity leave that establishes her as default child carer, lots of extra responsibilities and grunt work he wont much care for, and she may discover a different side to him.

Why can't be "as sexist as the woman you marry?"

Bit sexist there OP . . .

Yes I sort of agree. But you also see on here frequently that lots of women are under the impression that all men are like their useless partners.

Hmm… sexist men tend to marry sexist women. A woman who considers herself an equal to a man is unlikely to stay in a relationship with someone sexist long enough to marry him. They are simply not compatible.

i grew up in a very machist culture, it was always my impression that it is the women who kept the machism alive: They treat their boys like princes and their daughters as cinderellas.

Yes and no. People also fall into patterns and people change, especially if you have children.