Why the dislike for larger families?

No - it's a choice to continue with a twin/triplet pregnancy.

Yeah, fair. At the time when I asked, though, I didn’t realise she was her mother’s proxy, or I might also have thought the same.

It's a choice to continue with the pregnancy.

The expectations around what parents should be doing has changed massively in recent decades. It was enough in the past to birth them, get them to adulthood, keep them fed, and pretty much leave them to it. Now you're expected to be proactively involved in your child's life every day. Their education, health, wellbeing, social life, hobbies, experiences. I think it's far better in many ways, but with this comes the awareness that unless you are wealthy enough to not have to work or have a lot of practical family support, it's not possible to give that many children the attention they each deserve. Some parents must do an okay job of course, but you can't escape the reality that the more you have the less time you have with each. So people are just reacting against that really.

I commented and that post and I believe YABU.

I have no problem whatsoever with large families. I have two siblings and two step-siblings.

What I have an issue with is dysfunction- be that in a small or large family. From the OP's post yesterday, her MIL was supportive up to 3 children. She now has 5 and it sounds like life has descended into chaos.
If she were a member of my family I would provide extrinsic support, but I wouldn't be spending extended amounts of time in their home or babysitting 5 children that are vaping, disconnected, screaming, screeching or such.

Unnecessary noise / chaotic environments drive me nuts, so I avoid those as much as possible.

I wouldn’t be asking this poor young teen to babysit for me given all the childcare she already does, even if I intended to pay her handsomely

Except the twins, surely?

I think for many people it’s associated with poverty, poor choices and poor outcomes.

There are women who don’t have access to contraception, of course. Sometimes because of the pressures of having children in the first place. Partners who won’t use condoms. Partners who don’t accept no. It does happen.

Every single one of those is a choice, though.

I asked a mum I knew several years ago if her eldest (then 14, and I knew her quite well) would babysit my child (then around 8 or 9) while I went out occasionally, between 6 and 8:30. I would have paid her and I thought it would have been a nice way for this girl to earn some easy money- my kid was happy reading and was pretty self sufficient and it would have been a couple of hours max, not even every week. Anyway, this mum said “No, because that’s when I need her so that I can go out”!! FWIW she had another child close in age to the eldest, then a couple of younger ones.

I felt she was imposing her own choices into her daughter and preventing the daughter from having a bit of independence away from the family. Even occasionally. I also have a friend whose older sister was put in that position and left home at 16 to escape it. I do think this is a dynamic that you don’t see with smaller families.

I also agree with pp that my eyebrows rise when I see people with many children, most of whom have additional needs of different degrees of severity. I would not have enough of myself to cope with 2 children if one had additional needs, let alone several. I wouldn’t condemn them at all, but I would wonder how they’re able to give each of their children a fair share of their parenting input.

I actually have a number of friends and colleagues who ended up with twins on their last planned pregnancy.

Also blended families that come together as step-siblings.

Second/third marriages where a woman decides to have an additional child with her new partner.

There are several scenarios - some choices others not.

That’s awful - and they’ll be the parents on here in ten years crying about how their adult DD has moved 500 miles away and doesn’t answer the phone 🤣

Yes, expecting your kids to help out and do chores as part of a family is fine, but making the older ones step into the role of 'parent' is definitely not. I know a family where the older teen is expected to collect her 3 younger siblings from school every day and provide after-school care to save on childcare costs, which I think is outrageous.

My now is Ex is one of 7 and once pondered out loud why his older sister was distant from the rest of the family. Digging deeper he happened to drop in that when his mum was popping out babies the oldest sister was left to cook, clean and maintain the running of the house
She was 10! Their mum almost died giving birth to the final sibling (the only reason she stopped having babies) and was in hospital for weeks after
Imagine being 10 and knowing your other 4+ siblings relied on you to parent them
Yoi see it again and again in those ‘famous’ mega families, the oldest girls being ‘buddied’ up with toddlers and being forced to be the 3rd parent, while having their own childhood and needs put last

I was responding to pp. She was asking about the OP on the thread you were talking about.

Two are very similar, including the OP on the thread. 5 young boys, though one is single and pregnant and almost identical posting styles. It's very interesting indeed.

How do they all get on?

What is your relationship like with them?

And do you concede that you completely misinterpreted the thread you mentioned

Quite.

I'm the youngest of four, and my mum only stopped under some stern medical advice.

My much older brother had health issues, my much older sister had social issues, then my other sister suffered an unexpected trauma too.

To a certain extent life is unpredictable, but unless you have loads of resources, there's every possibility large families will have bitten off more than they can chew - in a way that families of 2-3 simply haven't.

I'd much rather risk my son being a bit resentful of being an only than overwhelm our resources (mental, personal, financial) because I wanted more kids.

I know a woman who had her first baby and said she didn't want more. She clearly didn't love motherhood, she handed her baby over to her mother every Friday night and picked it up on Monday morning. Then she ended up pregnant with her second. I wished her congratulations when I saw her and she rolled her eyes and actually said she was gutted. Anyway, she now has four kids. I find it utterly perplexing. She clearly hates it...she's on benefits but there's a benefits cap now so it's not even as if she did it for the money. It's so strange to me. I can understand if you're genuinely happy having lots of kids but I see so many women with big families who look miserable and stressed. Then you find out they're expecting another...it's like lambs to the slaughter...as if they have absolutely zero dominion over their own life.

I think she means people on benefits have the same number of kids on average as people not on benefits

'benefit Dependant' families have an identical size structure to 'non benefit dependant'

what do you mean? And source?

Coming late to the party

UK fertility is about 1.4 live births per woman and the 'replacement rate' is 2.08

'benefit Dependant' families have an identical size structure to 'non benefit dependant' ones so the idea of Council Estates filled with Vicky Pollards is a right wing myth

Well yes some people can’t have any children or have fewer than they would have liked- they didn’t choose that and it’s sad for them.

But ending up with more children than you planned to have is usually a choice isn’t it? I certainly hope forced pregnancy and birth isn’t a thing in the UK these days.