Why the dislike for larger families?

I can't speak for that poster, but it is a choice. She didn't say it was a nice choice, a happy choice or an easy choice - but it is a medical possibility to abort one fetus.

Are you saying people should choose to abort one of their babies that have already been made? Wow. Most people dont even know until theyre 12 weeks.

If you go back to prehistoric/indigenous peoples, the average age gap was more like 3-4 years, and you'd see maybe 2-3 kids per family.

More basic nutrition combined with breastfeeding meant that women's periods weren't as frequent, so you'd see bigger gaps and smaller families (and women would typically menstruate later).

Humans are so useless when they're born that they need a lot of input, not just form their own parents but from a small tribe of them. Two parents and 4+ kids under 10 is very far from the biological norm.

My spouse is one of five and says the same. That there were some good moments, but by and large it was stressful in so many ways. The expense of so many kids meant both parents working around the clock so they barely ever saw them. Squabbles and fights and arguments and recriminations due to trying to share space between all of them. The older ones resentful at having to pick up caring for the younger ones, the younger ones grew up angry that they didn't really see their parents at all (the parents had to increase their hours the more kids they had). Even as an adult with five of them there is always at least one pair that is not currently speaking.

The saddest story I heard from them was that they often went without tea because the parents were at work and they didn't really know how/what to cook/parents hadn't had time to go food shopping. So they used to watch TV cooking shows while eating free tomato sauce packets and pretend they were eating the food on the show.

Needless to say, my DH was very keen on our child being an only child. Having had my own traumatic experiences with siblings growing up and into adulthood I was in agreement.

This thread is a very interesting read. The parents of large families should read carefully the posts of the women who grew up as children in large families.

Not judging, but why did you want 7 children?

Sounds exactly like me 🤣 3 to my ex husband ( 10 years together) they're 21, 18 & 15 then 4 to my now partner of nearly 13 years . I also can't cook small meals my mam thought I was batch cooking one day I was like nope this is just tea 🙈 wouldn't think she was one of 7 herself !
The washing though ...... omg the washing 😳

Perhaps we should ask why

Think it's because they assume they are mainly living on benefits. Not many family's can afford more than 2 if they both have to work.

I read the post you are referring to and I dont think its a reflection on big families. The OP really wasn't helping her cause by the way SHE described the behaviour of her kids but then wondered WHY MiL didn't help!

I think there's an assumption with big families, definitely fueled by the media that they are
Scroungers,
Live off benefits
Kids are out of control,
Kids cause behavioural issues at school.
Keep having more kids , who will also be out of control.
Antisocial behaviour, trouble with police

However I think if you can afford to have a larger family within your means then thats OK. I am one of 4, have shared a room my WHOLE life, 1 bathroom for 6 of us, didn't bother me, grew up respecting other people's needs as well as my own.
All of us are well mannered, working people with families, own homes. never been in trouble with police etc...

If you DO fit in with media image of large families then yeah I'd probably judge you , but generally I'm totally not bothered how big a family is!

I have no issue with large families, I am one of 4, my husband one of 5, our extended family is huge. The only issue I would have is with large families who then rely on the taxpayer to fund them. If you can afford to look after your kids then crack on, have as many as you want.

The only one that isn’t a choice is being pregnant with multiples. But when any woman gets pregnant, there is always a risk of twins or even triplets- the latter obviously being quite rare. And terminations exist and are legal - a difficult decision no doubt, but still a choice.

I too am one of six. It’s not a good experience as another poster has said - not enough money, attention, privacy etc. it’s a decision made by the parents without considering the children involved. My parents were lovely people who worked very hard and loved us to bits but it’s not a good experience. The pressure they put themselves and us kids under. It’s not like The Waltons. When you watch 22 kids and Counting, the older kids particularly, look quite miserable. And it’s quite upsetting watching your parents struggle. I felt desperately sad that my mum had 4 jobs , working through the day and also through the night to earn enough money for our Xmas. Definitely not happy families and I think people who have these large families do it for their own benefit, certainly not for the benefit of the children

Charming - and factually incorrect. Meanwhile in La la land. . .

Yes I've seen that shes got 5 and possibly pregnant with another. Facebook is full of the kids and problems, your choice to go down thar road.

There are plenty of unhappy adults from one-, two- or three-parent families. I only know a handful of people who grew up in larger families: I would say their overall childhood happiness is in line with our peers.

The only thing I am 100% confident of is that my kids will find something about their childhoods unsatisfactory. For me, it's that one of my parents always prioritised work over family life. For DH, it's that both (only child) parents died when he (only child) was a teenager, leaving him with no family at all.

They fuck you up, your mum and dad...

It's still a choice though. Thankfully no one in this country is forced to go ahead with a pregnancy.

I never said it was easy.

But when you already have children your responsibility has to be to them, first and foremost.

This always happens on threads like this.

I never said anything about judging anyone - all I said was that continuing the pregnancy is a choice in the same way that choosing a partner who already has children is a choice.

We are very lucky to live in a country where women can end their pregnancies if they wish.

It's interesting that all the parents of lots of kids think they're doing a stellar job and everyone gets what they need. But the grown up kids of large families are saying the exact opposite.

Anymore than 3 and it’s just logistically impossible to give a child growing up in this day and age a full life.

Wtf?! Sometimes you can structure your life accordingly. Personally I had about 7 years off with the kids, now I work term-time only from home. DH works from home and worked flexibly even before Covid. Our kids do 1 or 2 clubs each depending on their interests, we each volunteer with their sports and this is so lovely as we get extra time with them. Our household income is around £65k per year, so holidays are not fancy or expensive though we have been interrailing this summer and have been to Spain / Disneyland Paris a few times too. It takes all of our money and 95% of our time (we don't go out as a couple really ever, unless for lunch occasionally while everyone is at school!) but what the hell else would we spend our time and money on?!

We are genuinely very attentive, affirming and present parents. The days are long - I am up at 6 with the Year 2 kid and we get to bed around 10.30 after hearing the minutiae of 13 year old's day...

I suppose neither of us ever hankered for a massive all-consuming career or time to pursue a hobby in depth - we all find fulfillment in different ways and mine comes from my family. I am prepared to put my every resource into giving the kids what they need (emotionally, physically, mentally) - lots of people would not be happy assigning their resources of time, money, energy, space in the house etc in this way and I totally get that!

The life events that have been tough (a very ill child, loss of family members, redundancy) would not have been especially harder with more kids or easier with fewer. The only thing that does give me pause is the worry if DH or I both die in the next 10 years; unlikely as we are both in our 30s but it is hard to imagine who would take the children on. We just pay for masses of life insurance, stay as healthy as we can, and have robust plans with my parents who were luckily only in their 40s/ early 50s when all the kids came along.

I wouldn’t say I felt vitriolic about it, but I do find it very hard to understand personally. And I wonder if there are some mental health issues there that make someone feel they need to keep having babies. Anymore than 3 and it’s just logistically impossible to give a child growing up in this day and age a full life. Sports, music, clubs and classes. Parents evenings and open days. Doctors and dentist appointments etc. days out, holidays, I could go on!! How is this possible with 5?! Also, how would you ever get anything for yourself… ever?!

You can't judge someone for not having an abortion when they discover its twins. Not everyone thinks nothing of having an abortion even if they are pro choice. No wonder someone just started a thread about UK people aborting much more readily than Irish people!

Not an easy choice though, lots of women don’t even know they are carrying multiplies until their dating scans which could be between 12 and 14 weeks pregnant.