Have you ever been a bully? Why?

Yes as a teenager and I still feel awful about it the reality was I was very unhappy and angry and had to take it out on someone

It's very strange because I have always stood up to bullies. I was taught to but also had a strong sense of justice (and I was physically strong as well so not afraid of either boys or girls when younger).

In y 7 I was friends with 3 girls. One of them sort of ignored me (I thought) so I would play jokes on her to get some attention. It turns out that she felt bullied. I never understood that it was bullying because it wasn't a group thing, it was just me noone else laughing at her or anything and I never saw her sad because that would have stopped me immediately. I was really stupid. Really really stupid to not put myself in her place for a moment and think. I did apologise (the same year) and we hang out some but I was wary around her because I was so afraid to do something that would upset her. Taught me a lesson.

I’m sure it can do - but I don’t think it explains every case of bullying. Some people are just psychopaths and have no empathy. They get their kicks from having power over others.

I don’t think there are any hard-and-fast rules you can apply which are true in every case. I’ve met many people who are insecure and who are gentle, empathetic and just want to be liked - being insecure doesn’t make you a bully. Being a horrible person does.

Urgh. I hate it when I post something and accidently forget to change the username. Now I'm stuck with this stupid name for the whole thread.

Anyway, bullies bully because they enjoy it. I can still see the faces of my bullies in my head. All of them, and there were many, have smiles on their faces, they are having a good time, what they are doing is fun to them, it makes them happy.

Even at the time, as a pre-teen and teenager, I remember thinking, as they jeered at me and hurt me physically, how happy they all looked. Sharing in this happy, fun group activity. I bet some of them sit and remember it fondly or laugh about it still with each other.

You can come up with all the reasons why they do it that you like, but it does all boil down to - "because they enjoy it".

Even the ones that "had a shit home life" ultimately do it because they enjoy it. They are angry and they are hurt themselves, sure, but they still enjoy having an outlet to those feelings.

So if you started this thread to get answers for how people treated you (I don't know if you did, but if you did) then there is your answer - they liked it, they thought it was great. That's why they did it.

And I actually found comfort in that, because I could finally understand that it wasn't because of me, they weren't doing it to punish me because I was bad and deserved it, they weren't doing it because I needed to be taught some sort of lesson because there was something wrong with me. It was nothing to do with me. They did it because they liked hurting people and I was a person they could hurt. Simple as that.

I genuinely hope that's answers your question.

I was unkind towards a boy that fancied me in secondary school who I didn't fancy who wouldn't take a hint once so I'm no Angel but otherwise I was bullied in primary, secondary and I've been bullied as an adult by some mums at my child's old school (my daughter is high needs non verbal ASD and was in mainstream school who's needs weren't being met or able to be supervised properly by staff and this unfortunately was reflected in her behaviour) and by a former friend who isolated me from other (now also former) friends.

I completely agree. It’s a form of torture.

I wouldn't say it verged into bullying but I still think about how I completely turned against a girl who was a friend in year 5/6. I was absolutely horrible to her for a little while (we ended up being good friends again in high school).

I know why it was, it was because I used to go to her house a lot and every time I went she seemed to have the perfect life. They ate proper actual dinners at the table and her mum and dad played games with her, they hugged her loads, her house was clean, her clothes/hair were always clean, she had a garden to play in, she never had to worry about her dad's moods, her mum was so loving etc. She was just so clearly cared for and her family were so 'normal', it felt so secure and safe being there, then I'd have to go home. It was the complete opposite of my homelife and I was so jealous I didn't want to see it anymore so I stopped talking to her and said nasty things to her.

I feel bad for how awful I was at that age (10-11 years old) I was very unkind to her and she didn't know the reason. I was just a kid with a shitty home life who just wanted to be loved like she was. I also feel bad for 10 year-old me, wish I could give her a hug (and a bath).

My ex boss was a bully.
When I asked him why he said he just did it because he could.!
He didn't have a great home life and his issues were brought to his parents attention for assessment.They didn't want a label for him.His outbursts and anger went on for a while.
The bullying died down then he turned to drink and substances.

Because he was my best friend and I thought it would be a funny joke.

Yes. I was so sad as a child and was bullied myself but nobody would ever have guessed as I was 'popular and acted tough' when in reality I was scared and introverted, not to mention I smelled and had dirty clothes and fairly abusive and non caring neglectful parents, so bullied others as a sort of deflection technique. I never disliked any of the kids I bullied but they were easy targets for me. A girl that I bullied reached out to me a few years back and I still hate myself for how I made her feel.

Why did you chose him though?

Same here! My daughter was bullied in secondary school. She self harmed because of it. It changed her. Even now ( she's 22 ) she has self esteem issues.They made her feel she was nothing. She needed counselling.
She's damaged.
There's a special place in hell for bullies.

It was a joke, but when it actually happened, it didn’t feel funny. I wanted to cry because I’d humiliated him. His costume was awesome as well.

It was 46 years ago and it still bothers me. He’s dead now 😔.

@CoffeeCantata but craving power to me tends to come from insecurity.

I think it’s very much to do with power. Bullies gain power by intimidating their victims but also by impressing their weaker peers - the enablers who stand around and laugh. Bullies can’t really operate without their tacit complicity.

And bullies know that these people will stay on their side because they know if they don’t, they’ll be the next victim.

This is how people like Stalin and Robert Mugabe operated. Mugabe was able to stay in power for so long despite his appalling policies because those around him were terrified of criticising him. And they needed to keep him in power too, because if he died the population he’d oppressed so long could turn on them and take revenge.

One of my friend’s daughters came up with a brilliant phrase quite unconsciously. Describing an unpleasant girl in her class she said “You know - she’s one of the popular girls that nobody likes!”

Spot on!

I was horrible to other kids about their weight. I didn’t have a lot else going for me really other than being slim. I told myself it was ok because they never let on that they were upset about it, but one of them was still reminding me what I did years later. I said sorry, and I am still disgusted at myself now. I did it because I wanted to fit in and I was weak.

I never bullied but engaged in the odd bit of mean girlness.

Why do bullies bully? Insecurities, boredom, bad sense of humour, dysfunctional family, some are just shitty people.

Ah that’s really sad. Poor lad, hope you apologised?

Bless him. What was his reaction? Did he know you'd set him up?

I once sent my friend an invitation to a Halloween party which said Fancy Dress Only on the bottom. I only put it on his. He came dressed as a mummy, clutching a six pack of monster munch. We were about 14. I still regret that. Everyone laughed at him, and he’d made so much effort with his costume ☹️.

One of the girls at high school was proper mean to me- we’d been really good friends in primary and she obviously wanted to break away so did this by being awful to me. I don’t see it as bullying though, just normal teen mean girl stuff.
ive also been mean to others, not repeatedly, and while I’m not proud of it I don’t think I was a bully.

I definitely was in the first term in year 7. I was at a school where I knew no-one and where most kids knew others. One girl corrected me on something, I can't even remember what now, in front of her friends who laughed and I was absolutely humiliated so I decided to get even.

Growing up in my family it was almost considered a badge of honour to hold a grudge - not let someone get one over on you or get pushed around. It sounds utterly psychotic looking back, but I didn't really see what I was doing as wrong, so much as getting a form of justice.

For probably a month every time she answered a question in class I'd make snide comments under my breath to someone to make them laugh, or outside class I'd do impressions. I was a real little shit tbh.

Fortunately the teachers were on top of it, and within that first term I'd had a serious dressing down from Head of Year and told the behaviour would not be tolerated. By Christmas I'd apologised and the girl actually ended up being one of my best friends. Spending time with her family who were more normal was a revelation of how decent people act.

A lot of my family still act the same way (my DM and DGM in particular pride themselves on it) and I can see what a bitter and horrible person I could have become if the school had been more lax about it. I'm very grateful to them tbh.