Did DP overreact?

Sounds like you need to hit the dump button.
You are in another controlling abusive relationship.
He is showing you who he is.
Your gut is warning you.

Start listening to it.

I wouldn't date anyone who called me Silly Pants because I make a lot of mistakes

I would find that patronising, judgemental and unkind

I think he is a nasty man

By the sounds of things you're looking for a) an excuse to get out of the relationship or b) for reassurance and for everyone to say it's really ok.

Abandon the idea of a wedding and a)

I think you’ve got another horror here OP, you have instinct for a reason. Listen to it.

His behavior around your counselling is a massive red flag. Without everything else.

Do the freedom program if you haven’t already.

Missing the point much

There are alarms bells for me in the way you have described the encounter. On the face of it, it could be someone on a bad day but I am assuming you also have alarm bells which is why you are asking the questions?

Please trust your gut on this. Good relationships shouldn’t be this difficult and you shouldn’t need to second guess small things that you say or do all the time.

I am so sorry for your last relationship and experiences growing up 💐

Holy hell did you get everything wrong. 👏👏

Hmm I can see both sides. I can see you probably didn’t mean any harm and probably thought nothing of him sharing that with you.

However, as some one who really struggles to let people in and show the more vulnerable side of myself and interests “men shouldn’t have” I see it was him opening up to you and feeling hurt and closed down and probably a bit silly for enjoying or having a fav supermarket.

You need to communicate with each other and be vulnerable with each other, if you can’t then I would suggest marriage is a bad idea.

@GiveDogBone
Your posting history shows that you enjoy often calling people man haters and using phrases like psycho bitch. That’s enough information about your character really, isn’t it?
Hopefully everyone just ignores you.

@GiveDogBone

Within the space of 6 minutes, you’ve jumped onto two threads and called all the other posters man haters. Without actually reading what’s being said, or taking anything on board. Because you couldn’t possible have actually absorbed the information in both these threads over just a few minutes before starting the “man hater” comments. How many other times have you used that phrase? What is your agenda?

^ This!

The fact he has a psychology degree I find quite frightening given the circumstances. Did he do that just to learn how to hide his true nature?

I certainly wouldn’t be looking to marry the man at this stage as it sounds like, with that on the cards, he is beginning to ramp up control. I would put a pause on proceedings for now.

@GiveDogBone How to tell us you haven't read her previous threads without actually saying so.

I see the man-haters are out in force in this thread. You basically belittled him, refused to show him a tiny amount of affection as an apology and then headed straight for the bottle when you returned home. And that’s all his fault, somehow.

But please do take their advice to dump him, he’d be so much better off with you.

This relationship sounds like it treads a fine line between ‘banter’ and ‘being dicks to each other while smiling’.

why?

I just glanced through your other threads and from a brief look:

• he expects you to pack for his kids on holidays and let’s them go through your things
• he is a sex pest
• he gives you silent treatment

Is it possible that you are more in love with the idea of getting married than in love with him?

@TipsyPlumUser I've just seen your other threads about your relationship.

OP, your partner is not a good man. Please, please end this relationship. He is controlling, manipulative and emotionally abusive.

You have only been out ONCE without him in your two-year relationship, which was with colleagues, and he 'needed a lot of reassurance' before he 'let' you go, and then got angry with you because you got home at 9pm rather than 8pm.

He doesn't respect your boundaries and privacy at all - eg, you didn't want his teenagers wandering into your tent without knocking because you have a health condition you wanted privacy for, and he refused because you have to be 'mum and dad' (even though they're almost adults and you've only been with him two years) and that apparently means you aren't allowed any privacy for yourself from them, ever.

When you are struggling with your PTSD, instead of being comforting you he keeps on and on at you to make you talk about it even though that makes you worse, and then gets angry when you tell him to stop.

When you don't want sex with him, he gets angry and tells you that you have to have sex because he claims that making a jokey / flirty comment earlier in the day equates to a promise of sex that night and that therefore you are 'teasing' him by not having sex later - and coincidentally you've noticed that he mostly does this after you've been at a family event together. So basically he becomes sexually possessive and manipulative every time you spend time with anyone who isn't him.

Oh, and he also regularly gives you the silent treatment and generally patronises you and treats you like a child.

You've had a horrifically abusive relationship and you also had a horrifically abusive and chaotic childhood. He knows this and he is deliberately preying on your vulnerabilities. He is a vile man.

Please, please, please leave him. He's controlling and abusive in a horribly manipulative way and you should absolutely NOT be marrying him. Seriously.

You’ve started multiple threads about this relationship.

You really shouldn’t consider marrying someone you need to start multiple threads about.

No, it isn’t fucking concerning. And neither was the OP rude to jokingly say ‘good for you’ when her fiancé praised a bloody supermarket. It’s a completely normal bit of jokey conversation that normal couple would have.

OP, your fiancé’s behaviour worries me. He sounds manipulative and controlling. I’m particularly worried about his over-interest in your therapy and the fact that he constantly wants to undermine the progress you and your therapist have made by proving it ‘wrong’ with his ‘research’. That’s a really insidious form of control/manipulation. Particularly from a man who knows you have been in an abusive relationship.

Not mad keen on him highlighting your clumsiness/occasional mistakes by calling you ‘silly pants’ either.

If I were in your shoes I would be thinking very carefully about whether I carried on with this relationship because I think you’ve spotted some red flags here.

He does have form for that- only speaking to me before we get somewhere to smoothe it over

That's your answer OP. If you get the silent treatment a lot then you are in another abusive relationship. Just a different type of abuse but still psychologically as bad. It is a known thing that an abused woman has a high chance of walking into another abusive relationship unless she does extensive therapy. Start with The Freedom Programme and find some boundaries.

The background on your relationshit 😯

He's also controlling as in doesn't want you to have a night out with coworkers and sexually coercive.

Run.

Having looked at your other threads, I think you need to just hit pause on this relationship. You've been through one hell of a lot. This guy doesn't seem to be helping does he? Keep on with the counselling. Look after yourself. Maybe consider knocking the drinking on the head for a while too?

Op, if you are absolutely honest, and no judgement, do you have a history with leaning on wind when you’re pissed off about something and for it spiralling?