Teacher not saying hello

Yes but it’s one week of hassle for teachers but for kids starting school, it is a scary experience to be left alone. So being shown a friendly, welcoming gesture for a week until the kids get familiarise with new place should not be seen as a massive inconvenience.

I think I understand what you are saying. Your child is very unsettled when you leave him and you want the teacher make an eye contact and say hello to him so he feel it’s a friendly, safe place for him. Yes, ideally she should and it does not take 2 minutes, maybe a few seconds.

That's the thing. Most parents are keen to get their child straight into school full time these days, but with no understanding of why a few part time days are so beneficial for the children. You can't underestimate the importance of the children settling in in a smaller group. They get to come in, sharing the attention with approximately only 14 other children rather than 29 other children for a few days. They get to learn which door they go in, and where their peg and drawer are while things are a bit calmer and quieter. The teachers might actually be able to greet each child individually, because there are only half the children and therefore half the amount of distressed children to deal with at one time. By the time they're full time, most children will feel a bit more confident going in as they are familiar with the routine of where everything goes. It's makes jumping to 30 all in together go a lot smoother.

30 children entering a classroom for the first time at exactly the same time is the absolute definition of chaos, and yet the staff are still expected by some parents to greet every child individually as they walk through the door no matter how many children they're attempting to calm and sooth at the same time.

As a Reception teacher, I find some of these comments very disappointing as it just shows what a lack of understanding most people have of how manic those first few weeks are.

Once they are all settled and know where to put everything, I'm sure the teacher will be able to warmly greet each individual child as they go through the door. Right now though, that human being so many are criticising for failing to do the 'bare minimum' is likely just about keeping their own head above water, living day by day wondering if tomorrow's drop off will be better or worse than the previous one. Even Reception teachers who are very experienced at dealing with distressed new starters and their anxious parents find September drop offs incredibly difficult. You forget every year just how hard it is. Some people need to wake up and be a bit more realistic in their expectations.

As an early years teacher myself (nursery now but years of reception behind me), I do my best to greet every child however, without fail, I always miss one or two sliding past me on the door when I’m speaking to other parents, children etc. I also have an amazing TA and we are a team. If I know a child is likely to have a tricky start to the day, I ask her to focus on that child and that does include doing handover with the caregiver.

The simple fact that your child has 1:1 attention from one of the only two adults available in the room means that the teacher has gone above and beyond in their assurances of support for him. That support is happening and if you go to the headteacher, that is what will be explained to you - that 50% of the workforce has been dedicated to a single child to help him have the best possible start to the day.

It’s a crazy time of year and both adults have to work together to create calm from chaos - it’ll calm down within the next few weeks, as everyone (teachers included) settle into new routines and relationships.

I assure you that the teacher’s personal good morning is happening ten minutes later during the register.

Sorry you are getting some really harsh replies OP. I was a primary school teacher for over ten years before leaving to home educate my own. I don’t think you are being unreasonable. You are looking for a warm welcome and dont seem to be getting it. It’s right that the TA and teacher work together but the teacher can also spend a few mins here and there building bonds. Takes literally seconds to give good morning, a little wave, high five or a thumbs up to mum…

The first weeks in a reception class can be absolute carnage at drop off time. Depends on the class and also the layout of the building to a certain extent. Children have to work out the morning routine , worried parents everywhere. It can be a very difficult time for staff.
It's also why lots of schools like to do staggered starts . Equally hated by parents here!

You'd definitely be unreasonable to email the school but for all those posters saying teachers don't do that . At my daughter's school the class teachers stand at every class door and greet every child without fail. It was one of the first things my DH and noticed and commented on, that it made it feel so welcoming. There is another member of staff on every gate doing the same. You can't walk past an adult without them greeting you, it seems drilled into the ethos of the school. And this is just a normal state school. Basic manners you might say.

This is where you lost me. I’m a teacher of that age group and I can assure you 100% that there are definitely children needing extra care and support, we just don’t advertise it at the gate. Being the only outwardly tearful child doesn’t make your child more of a priority, many children will be struggling just as much inside. TA support is more than appropriate in the circumstances.

That bare minimum can easily be achieved inside the classroom, 5 minutes later, once everyone is in safely if it was not possible beforehand. Just because a child (who has already been greeted by the TA) is not also greeted by the teacher outside, does not mean it's not happening in case once things are a bit calmer.

Clearly you didn't bother to read the rest of my post to attempt to understand why it might not be possible for the child's Reception teacher to give each child an individual greeting on the first day/week. If your child's teacher managed it, they were fortunate to have an easy class who weren't screaming blue murder and beating them black and blue at the same time other children were arriving. Teachers are human (unless you are not?). Go and give that halo an extra polish tonight.

Yes perhaps. From my own experience of which of course I can only speak, that's not what it looked like to me, but as I say a rare occurrence at my child's school so I can let it slide within the context of how good the school is overall

And OP, I totally understand why it is upsetting. As an infant teacher I see the tears in the playground then 3 minutes later theyre in charge of the marble run or the lego town! I think I am a good teacher and I swear I dont think this is something to worry about and mean this in the most kindest way! Id be scared too and I cant believe they can go to school so small in England. But you are his biggest cheerleader and just keep telling him he's okay and it will be fine.

And I bet the op is one of them! I don’t think you’ll take note of the majority of the views on here.

Absolutely not. But for example, I knew that one child had been up all night with the police so, no I wasnt able to spend time with the wee kid who didnt want to leave mum that day despite me knowing he would be fine in 4 minutes. He had to make do with the Absolutely lovely classroom assistant while I dealt with something more serious than missing his mum for 6 hours. Op you could always ask for a fist bump as he walks past but no chat. The teacher is working their time as best as they can.

@katyakanani It's clear I didn't mean all posters. I specifically said, the unkind posters.

I'm not sure why you're picking on my post which was supportive of the clearly upset OP, instead of all the unpleasant posts on this thread!

If you complain already, you are going to set the scene for the rest of the year. Look for the positives, not the negatives. They have already had a meeting with you, which most parents do not request. Maybe the teacher is trying to avoid you, not your child!

You seem to be making an overly big deal that your son is young for his class. There may be others just as young for all you knowafter all, there is cut off date and kids will hit it. You seem to expect a lot of special treatment and attentioncertainly more than they want or can give. If you email, it will NOT go well.

"Polishing my halo" for saying hello to my class 🧐 alright... it's the bare minimum, to be honest. All of my own children's teachers have greeted them in reception so I'm not buying that one either. People are just taking the opportunity to sneer at a worried mum. I would want to know how she's feeling so I could support her and her child.
OP I hope he settles down soon for you

On my first day at school over 60 years ago, the teacher said hello to me. I'll always remember it. I'd missed the first term because I'd been ill with whooping cough, so when my Mum took me to the classroom I started crying, I didn't know anyone, and everyone else seemed to know what to do.

The teacher took my hand, smiled and said 'don't worry Amy's Mum, we'll look after her'.

After my Mum left the teacher turned to me and said 'now you'll find out what happens to silly little girls who cry'. She made me stand on a chair in front of the class and she whacked the back of my legs with a yardstick. I never told my parents because I thought must have been naughty and would get into trouble.

Judge people by their actions and don't get too hung up on whether they say hello or not. If the teacher is generally kind and teaches your son well then she's doing a decent job. The TA will greet him and settle him, while the teacher is organizing the class and getting all the children ready to start the day. , She will most likely say good morning lovely to see you all when she has all the children gathered together sitting on the carpet or at their tables.

Please don't do that in an attempt to force a response! Its passive aggressive and will make the OP sound like an arsehole, and it's likely to confuse the kid who is already upset and crying (and possibly embarrass the child about his mums weird behaviour).

It may make the child notice that the teacher isn't giving him as much attention as mum thinks they should, and consequently make him more anxious.

As others have said, it's probably calculated 'ignoring' on teachers part so as to allow the child to calm down without more attention fanning the flames of his upset.

OP it sounds like your idea of 'support' and the teachers idea of 'support' may not be aligned. If you persist in feeling unsupported it might be worth raising that at a more quiet time and asking what the support is that they have put in place. Its OK to say you are anxious, they will understand. But don't blame them, that won't help.

The first few weeks in Reception are crazy on the door. Anxious children, anxious parents, parents with lots of questions. With 30 children arriving at once, it's impossible to greet everyone individually while they're all piling in together and some are understandably distressed.

So many teachers on here polishing their halo claiming that they always greet every single child individually. Well how many of you have taught Reception in the first few weeks of September? It's much easier to do individual hellos when everyone is coming in knowing where to put all their belongings etc. Reception children need a lot of support initially. If a TA is already taking care of a child, the teacher won't have time to interact with that child too as they're too busy helping someone else. Once everything settles it's a different story. I totally agree it's important for all children to be greeted with a smile and a "good morning" where possible. In the first few weeks it's definitely unreasonable to expect the teacher to be in a position to do that. Fortunately, the TA makes up for it by greeting and assisting with the other children.

If this child was left alone to settle I could completely understand the uproar but the TA (who is just as much a valued member of staff in that classroom as the teacher) is greeting him. His needs are catered for. I have no doubt at all that that teacher says hello to him in the classroom once the door is closed.

You posted on mumsnet, not aww hun you are totally right about everything netmums

What did the email say they'd do to support him and you? If you speak to the teacher you should reference what was actually agreed, and ask her how those things are going. How the school deliver the support that was agreed and what you think it should look like may be two different things. They may be doing lots of other things while you're focusing on just this one.

I have worked in schools and nurseries. If a child is upset on entering, it’s really important not to make a big deal out of it. The TA will be reassuring and distracting him, so the teacher needs to step back until he is ready. She probably interacts with him wonderfully once he’s settled!

In a class of 30 the teacher has to deal with the majority and the TAs will assist those who need more 1:1 support.

Sounds like you have a set up whereby they understand your ds is anxious and so have provided him that 1:1.

If he went into Nursery fine I’m wondering if he’s picking up on your anxiety about him going in?

Talk to him about how TA will meet him, what can he tell her this morning? How about telling her what a grown up hit you were last night when you did …..

OP I can't believe that so many people find it unreasonable to expect a "Good morning Tommy!" and a smile from the teacher. It literally takes 3 seconds! Obviously she doesn't have time for a 2 minute greeting, but I'm sure it would make a huge difference to a little boy who may be feeling anxious about going in/ his Mum leaving.
The first few days can be tough on both of you, but he'll be fine soon.
Big hug 🫂