To ask DH to keep our BTL

She doesn't want to work 😂 😂 😂

She sees it as her right to be a SAHM while spending the rent of about £5k a month on herself

But that's not what's happening here. Op.wants income from something she refuses to deal with and wants to be a sahm to mid primary school age dc, while.dh should be working full time and taking on all the stress of the landlord role because it's too much for op.

I would worry that the husband is disengaging and doesnt care to keep his wife content - it could be a passive aggressive move to make the OP suffer. He could be planning more moves but needs the property out of her name. I would be concerned.

I do know a lot of high net worth families with a sahw. There is usually an understanding that the wife covers all the domestic stuff - the house, the meals, the children, the dogs, the garden, the admin - and beyond that she can meet friends, do classes, go to the gym.

Their friends will largely be doing the same and it wouldn't go down well in their circles to suddenly pull the rug on this lifestyle without good reason.

I smell a rat.

exactly - how do SAHP believe working parents achieve these things? If I was a SAHP these things would be easier, yes but as I manage them whilst working I’d find myself with a lot of additional time to fill.

OP just a word of warning from some real life friendship experience - the SAHP without their own private income (which this doesn’t appear to be/is a grey area) have discovered that their partners wanted them to be partners in work too as the DC were getting older (yr 3/5) and not SAHP who seemed to have lots of free time and personal spends. For those two out of the three SAHP from my child’s year group - they are now single parents. No 3 was financially independent. And this was before the current COL crisis. So perhaps sit down and communicate in a manner of what the future looks like before it possibly takes a different direction.

DISCLAIMER - this obviously isn’t the case for all SAHP and I’d LOVE to be able to shop/go to the gym/ get a full on grip of the house/ spend time with elderly parents it would be amazing so maybe I’m just jealous of your easy income :)

Same. The local ones to me charge extra before /after school

What’s stopping you from getting a part time job now?

Your kids aren’t babies. There is no reason for you to be a SAHM if your kids are in full time education.

You are just coming across as work shy.

Every couple my age with kids (I’m 31 btw) all work. We all work either full-time or part time. We wouldn’t be able to live and feed our kids if we both didn’t work.

There is remote work, and after school care, child minders etc. Plenty of us manage to work full time with children.

No1 - that she is likeky to end up needing a job sooner than she thinks is the only reason why the OP should look for a job. (And I agree it’s a very good reason)

The rest? Come on, they have several BTL! Theyre not struggling so much that the OP should help alleviate ‘the pressure of being the main earner’.

No he hasn’t said he wants her to work but I think people are slightly incredulous that the OP thinks she can demand he keep it when she puts no work in for it and just wants the money as her ‘income’

@Arran2024 said that

Some high earning “want and demand” a SAHP, and they’re not necessarily “able to set the terms and conditions” while they’re with them.

If any woman is marrying a man who “demands” they stay home and be domesticated housewives and can’t have a say, they’re idiots.

That’s completely different to having agency to decide, and discuss with your partner that you want to be a trad wide, being told you have to be is 1950s nonsense and we shouldn’t be marrying it.

If you want financial freedom you work and earn it. Either learn to manage the HMO or get a paid job. Your dh is tired of the financial burden and wants help.

Oh I fucking hate tge answers ‘just get a job’…

The OP and her dh DO NOT need the income of her working.
It’s totally ok fur the OP and her dh to agree that her being a SAHM job is the best fur their family. No one, none of the posters on here, should be judging that.

What is absolutely not ok is

• the OP’s making a unilateral financial decision wo having a chat with the OP about it. It doesn’t matter if it was his house before they got married. He was quite happy to transfer it to her when it suited him!
• the fact the OP is saying she has ‘no income’ aka she has no access to money unless it’s that one. Why? Why is tte money not pooled or ‘allowances’ (spending money) given to BOTH of them.

Sounds to me like you don’t have a strong marriage, your husband deciding to sell the property without discussing it with you and you are afraid to discuss family finances with him…..you need to get a job for a few reasons, no.1 being that your marriage may end so you need to protect yourself, no.2 it may ease the financial pressure that your husband seems to be under, no.3 is that your kids are in school so you could look at getting something at least part time

Exactlypeople live differently, and what works for one might not work for another. I don’t think her husband is going to leave her over a disagreement about selling a property. But Mumsnet does tend to recommend divorce at the drop of a hat. Thankfully, in the real world, most people take marriage more seriously.

Not sure if demand is the right word but I’d definitely agree that there is a resurgence of women wanting to stay at home too. The tradwife trend, women looking for “providers”, etc, seems to be fairly popular among young women.

…..I assume none of them are contemplating that will it bite them back when they’re older but that’s life experience, I guess.

Oh and this BTL is his premarital property - what do you actually bring to the table???

Go get a Job?

So he's paying off the mortgage, so the money set aside each month for the mortgage he paid will now be freed up to either save or spend (ie covering your DC's school fees).

You, OP, need to get your priorities in order and find a part-time job as soon as possible. DH is tired of you having so much "fun cash" and wants you to contribute your fair share in this relationship.

Another one who is with your husband on this

So you don’t work , don’t maintain your btl, have your current DH pay for you and your child/ren’s private school fees…. I would be pretty surprised if your husband hasn’t regretted getting into this set up.

Do you look like Miranda Kerr? Your husband has a pretty shit deal.

It sounds like she may have some health issues, but that’s neither here nor there. Maybe she simply doesn’t want to work, and it’s not as if her husband has said he’d prefer her to. That’s really up to them. The original question was about a BTL one wants to sell and the other doesn’t that’s the actual issue. I don’t understand why people get so affected if someone chooses not to work. As long as they’re not claiming benefits, what’s the problem? And if her husband would like her to work that another discussion. But her husband hasn't actually said that , nor has she said she wants to work

Arran2024 I’m in SW London and there’s plenty round here. I know many.

Are women still really marrying men who “demand” they stay at home?

I wouldn’t marry a man who “demanded” I breathe in and out. The days of men “demanding” anything should, by now, be absolutely over.

More fool them.

Sorry. I don't know what to say to convince you. I used to work in the City and knew a variety of men with different domestic set ups. But in north Surrey, there are lots of communities like I described. I knew lots of these women.

Oh but it must be, and because of the significant household income from the dh...
These sahms school run, ocado delivery and instructions for the cleaner is far more laborious than the plebian day to day tasks of parents who work full time and do these tasks...

FFS get back to work and stop moaning. Pay your own way in life like everyone else!