To ask DH to keep our BTL

Is there any reason why you won't be able to do it?

In that case it sounds like it's not his decision to make.

You’re not “unable” to work.

You just don’t want to. That’s fine, but own it. You’ll be treated with more respect.

Hmmm you take a lot, get paid for being a sahm basically yet your other half is going all the work plus running the btl to keep you in money and paying all bills etc. cushy life but I would never want my hubby to run after me like this. Totally get why he wants to lower mortgage aswell seems he has a good financial head on him. I don't think I would interfere if it were me but you want your money which I think is selfish rather than ease the pressure of the mortgage

Given the OP specifically says though that her DH wants to pay down the mortgage so he can retire early, it doesn’t suggest he’d prefer to be working than living a life of leisure.

Yes, it is good for her.

But it's not a job. She's a "kept woman" not a SAHP.

@Phatgurslyms

i get what you’re saying, but if it was my husband who didn’t have a job, didn’t do housework etc I’d probs dump him and get someone better 🤷‍♀️

Good for her.

What job? The kids are at school and she doesn't do the housework.

@Nosdoc

ah maybe it’s time to go back to work, OP! Further your career, earn some money for yourself, who wants to rely on a man for their treats in life?!
you’re not just a mum- you’re a person in your own right! You matter too!

So jealous.

I wish I had a nice passive income.

She already has a job.

I should have said “want” instead of need. I stand by everything else. He gave her part ownership of the house. The money she earns from it is hers not his.

and you know what some people do need to be sahm’s just as I needed to be a career woman. Each to their own.

Sounds like a sensible idea for long term financial security, and as you point out, it was his home before you got married. Just clarify what income you’ll have after the sale. Maybe some
of proceeds can be set aside until you can go back to work?

I’ve worked in a City type job, I didn’t enjoy it and I wasn’t the only one. Yes, there are some people with high powered jobs who love it. The vast majority of people just have jobs.

The OP and her dh DO NOT need the income of her working.

The OP does in order to pay the school fees for her first child. She can’t expect her husband to pay that.

Op, what does he say about where the school fees will come from? I really think he must be thinking it’s time for you to go back to work. I hear you that a parent at home makes life easier for dc but it’s a luxury these days with children at school. I work full time with 3 young dc, and my children are very loved. You need to get a job, and tell him to do pick up etc and cook dinner a couple of nights a week. You say you worked before, you can work again, and you aren’t owed a job free life with school fees paid.

But in their world he possibly does have a career that means the world to him. I used to work in the City and loads of the men ( and some of the women) adored their jobs, spent as much time as possible working. They usually ended up having an affair with a co worker because they had work in common. These people have exciting jobs, often with big expense accounts foreign travel. They love it. They like having a sahw to keep the home going but that's not what drives them.

Similarly where i live (Hertfordshire) there are lots of SAHM with high earning husbands in law/finance/medicine/CEOs - tbh I dont even understand what some of them do.
Some have kids in private school, nearly all outsource cleaning, ironing, gardening etc. Presumably both partners are on board with it. My DH is self employed (variable income year on year) I was a SAHM until dC started school which was what we agreed but it was a joint decision that I would go back to work (at first pt) once they were at school

Yes she needs to get a job, she uses the income from the property that he owns to pay her child from a different feathers school fees, it means he needs to get a job so she can pay the fees with the kids father not expect her DH to continue to work and work himself to death to pay all the bills while she uses the income from his property to pay her kids fees and spend frivolously.

She made it clear she doesn't want to depend on the joint account because it means he will start questioning some of her frivolous spending.

Her children are not babies and are in school so she doesn't get to demand that she remains a SAHM while he pays for every household expenses while she spends the income from the property.

But that is what lots of these families do. The wife doesn't work and isn't going to suddenly start doing shifts in the local supermarket or whatever. This is presumably what she signed up for and now he wants to change things. He wants the property out of her name and she doesn't get her own funds going forward. He doesn't seem to be expecting her to get a job, more that she just won't have funds. In these families that is some move and I honestly think OP should be considering what this means for their relationship going forward never mind the money.

Get a job OP, currently your husband is financially supporting the entire family and also contributing financially to his stepchild. It’s a bit off to say that it’s your income paying for that because it isn’t is it? Your DH owned that property before he met you AND he’s the one doing all the admin and managing. So just because he has transferred to your name for likely tax reasons doesn’t mean the YOU are paying, his asset is. Your kids are all in school and you have a cleaner so you have lots of spare time to get a part of time job and some independence. You need to start contributing financially as your husband clearly wants to retire early and selling this rental would help that. Right now you are just riding the easy train

@Ilovelifeverymuch don't you see the TRAUMA and ABUSE!! ?! 😭😭😭
The inhumanity of it?!!

“Life is meant for living”, - if you have kids in school the person not working at all gets to do a lot more living then the person in work every day carrying the burden of providing for the family.

That burden never seems to be acknowledged enough on MNs to me. There’s often a sort of Mad Men style sugar glaze where men are so fortunate to have these wonderful careers facilitated by women. Whereas most people just have a job they have to get on with to get paid.

She doesn’t sound very competent if she can’t even manage a BTL