To ask DH to keep our BTL

Your mentality is the reason MEN are now realising that marriage is not a good idea.

He used the system and you just own it on paper then? He can do what he wants then

Our fees inc 7:45am to 6pm wrap around including a little tea for anyone there at 5.

It appears that her husband is paying private school fees for 4+ children (the OP’s child, their joint children, and his own children) - that alone is going to cost nearly 6 figures and as of January this year will also have got 20% more expensive with the introduction of VAT. They must also have a very significant mortgage if the proceeds from selling the BTL won’t actually clear the mortgage but just enable him to reduce the term.

he obviously earns a lot of money but they live an expensive and privileged lifestyle so it’s not hard to see how a lot of those earnings are swallowed up on their living expenses.

Nothing wrong at all with women having jobs, of course not. But there are a lot of conditions that are needed for it to be actually worthwhile financially and manageable. And many men and workplaces have evolved very little in the time since women joined the workforce en masse to actually make it fair on many women and children. There are good reasons why so many women are craving the tradwife mirage and it’s not because women are work shy or crave domination. It’s because all the physical and emotional labour of caring for children is held in contempt - even here on Mumsnet, and women are realising how intensely costly motherhood actually is. Any woman who dares to focus on her children or unpaid pursuits a single day after the youngest enters primary is considered reprehensible and her husband entitled to limit her to bed and board at the absolute most, no matter what he earns and how little he does in the home, or how much she contributes (unpaid) to the school, community, extended family or special needs/education/wellbeing of their children.

All jointly owned property is owned on a presumed trust for sale. There's a default presumption that the property will be sold if one owner wants to sell. Without OP's consent to sell, the husband will need to do is apply the court to force a sale and it will be granted if the court decides on balance this is a fair and balanced outcome. As the property is not the family home and, given the history of ownership pre marriage, and the OP's lack of practical and financial input into the property, I reckon he has a good chance of getting an order for sale. The OP will receive her share of the equity, so she could well be quids in. I imagine the marriage will be over, though.

So it’ll be a change from having your own money with no oversight from him, to taking money from a joint account where he can see every transaction?
I do understand why he’s selling if the property was his in the first place and it’s a headache in terms of ongoing expenses but it’s not reasonable for him to expect you to accept a big change in your financial circumstances with no discussion or explanation.
Why not just have him transfer you the amount you were getting from the BTL into your current account, that way you’re in the same position financially? Would he say he can’t afford to do that? Is he expecting you to reduce your outgoings?

So it’ll be a change from having your own money with no oversight from him, to taking money from a joint account where he can see every transaction?
I do understand why he’s selling if the property was his in the first place and it’s a headache in terms of ongoing expenses but it’s not reasonable for him to expect you to accept a big change in your financial circumstances with no discussion or explanation.
Why not just have him transfer you the amount you were getting from the BTL into your current account, that way you’re in the same position financially? Would he say he can’t afford to do that? Is he expecting you to reduce your outgoings?

Is this a wind up? Get a job OP. If Amanda could do it, so can you.

Being a SAHM is saving a fortune in nursery costs

What nursery costs? Kids are school aged, OP has a cleaner. And can't even manage the property that pays for her and her DC life herself, because it's too time consuming for her - DH can do it, even though he works full time. Sorry OP you're taking the piss here.

Pointing out that DH is paying school fees for OP’s child as well as his own is not equivalent to calling a child a “bastard”.

Its also unlikely get only option is to work in McDonalds, that’s unnecessarily dramatic.

Who says girls are watching mothers “scrambling around”, why can’t we show girls that women can do as well in the working world as men. There was a time when women were forced to leave the civil service when they got married, pregnant teachers out of wedlock had to leave their post. That world is a thing of the past.

Nothing wrong with staying at home if it’s something both parties are happy to do. But nothing wrong with women with kids in the workforce either.

How much income do you receive per month from the property?

Which would still leave OP with a problem because she can't have the income from the rental for herself without his consent. Someone needs to manage it. If he doesnt want to do it, OP would have to fund it.

The moral of the story is, if you want independence you have to do whatever it takes to earn your own money and keep control/legal rights (through marriage, trusts, pre nups etc) over assets. Any unpaid contribution you make counts for nothing. You will be more respected if you get a job in a fast food joint and pay someone else your entire wage to cook and clean and care for your children than if you just did it yourself. And any income men earn is for them and their biological children only. Not the family and definitely not any woman or any bastards. Welcome to capitalism and girls watching their mothers scrambling around doing everything and the birth rate plummeting. Why would any girl/woman still risk having children in this culture that holds the work of mothers in such utter contempt?

Yeah that'll help. No DH, you may not have work life balance, you must provide or else. Wonderful basis for a marriage.

we own

he can't sell the property without your signature and agreement. Let him know you don't agree to sell and will refuse to sign the paperwork, if he thinks about doing so fraudulently then you will take acton

Which op has not deigned to supply

This is true, but equally OP can't have it maintained and simultaneously benefit from the rental income without his. As the person ultimately funding all this, he does hold more cards.

That's an awful lot of assumptions based upon absolutely nothing. I don't know how you know so much about their set up from the deliberately vague drip feed OP gave us.
OP doesn't even clean, so I don't know why you would assume she does all of that all by herself.
And even if you are right, her DH is still allowed to want to switch things up now the DC are older.

agree on that one she screams shady and up to something also trophy wife gold digger vibes from op more I read on this thread

Her DH had been absolutely transparent about why he wants this and where the proceeds of the sale will go. He wants to shorten the term of their mortgage so that he can retire earlier than he otherwise would. That sounds perfectly reasonable and above board to me.

Also landlords are shedding their properties frantically at the moment, because of the changes that the government has already made, and plans to make, that make the sector much less attractive. An HMO that already sounds like a nightmare to run and maintain, is an obvious load to shed.

But as he manages it he could just bring the tenancies to a close and forget the income.

it sounds like he doesn’t want to do the work anymore and who can blame him. The issues is not that she won’t be able to access money it’s that she can’t keep her spending private

So do it yourself, it isn't hard.
(Or call his bluff)

Why are you so passive in this?

In which case he can't sell it without your agreement

This is a cartoon stereotype of a working man & a housewife.

On what planet does a man who works not spend a moment of time on his house of kids?

The only men this might possibly apply to are men at the absolute top of their game - hospital consultants, CEOs. They are select view. And in my experience these men still do stuff with their kids because it’s 2025 and old fashioned stereotypes of what men & women do are long gone.