To ask DH to keep our BTL

if DC all in school you could work and replace that income. There are part time roles and wrap around care. Many families have 2 working parents and manage to raise well adjusted adults - I did.

It sounds like your DH is tired, looking for a solution to an earlier retirement.

A second PT income would definitely be a solution.

Do you plan to return to employment when the DC attend secondary school.

If it's an HMO then you need an agent. Tenants can be a right pain and are better dealt with at arm's length.

Your DH has a point. With the energy efficiency requirements for tenancies and the Renters Reform Act, it is only going to get more difficult and expensive to have BTLs. If you already can't cope with managing it, it isn't fair to expect your DH to do so as well as work full time. Sell it and have a discussion about how best to use the proceeds - maybe a proportion to give you and income and the remainder on the mortgage.

If I’m understanding this correctly, what he’s proposing will mean that your overall household monthly income falls.

And instead of you having spending money, he is redirecting that income to facilitate his early retirement?

How do your household finances work atm? Is there enough money in the pot, to push some around so that your spending money is replaced? Or are you just supposed to do without?

What was that money covering? Purely your own expenses or things for the dc too?

You’re in a strong bargaining position if the property is in your name and there should definitely be equitable discussion and decisions around finances. And certainly open communication.

I can’t really figure out if you’re unreasonably entitled or living in a gilded cage, but if you’re going to end up being pushed out to work against your will, you might as well consider whether you’d prefer to be divorced or not too.

This doesn't sound like a very good team oriented marriage. What has he said about the fact you will have no income if he sells? How does he expect you to live? Does he expect you to go back to work? If so has he taken in to account the costs of childcare? Why haven't you sat down and discussed all this?

What is the income from the BTL spent on, because that makes a big difference.

For example, who pays for the main weekly shop & buys the kids school uniforms & shoes? If the BTL is funding these, then the money will have to come from somewhere. But if you’re spending all the money on yourself, then that’s not really fair on him - especially if he’s doing all the work.

If he wants to sell and for you to get a job then he will have to step up majorly at home to allow you to work. I think both of you are being a little unreasonable, the management of it must be a heavy burden on him, can you employ someone to do it? There's nothing stopping you from working by the sounds of it, if he gives up dealing with it etc could you compromise on you hiring an agent to manage it?

I think saying school age children "need their mother" and therefore you can't work is a bit of a cop out. My husband and I both work, that doesn't mean either of our kids have unmet needs as far as parenting goes...if you're saying children "need their mother" (not to work) then you are effectively ruling women with children out of the workforce.

On a separate note, you could certainly manage to take on the work of running the HMO - it sounds like you just don't want to do anything?

It really doesn't sound like they need the extra money for OP going back to work.

It sounds like there is more than enough income, but they need to have a conversation about how it is distributed fairly.

So you think he shouldn’t sell it and carry on working with no early retirement so that you don’t have to work?

I’d be intrigued whether the “spending” coming from the HMO money is all personal spends or whether the food shop and things for the kids etc comes out of it.

If your personal budget, fully disposable and not part of the costs of raising primary aged kids, is a few thousand a month - you’ve been very lucky for a very long time.

I reckon I could manage a HMO between 9 and 3. Given that I manage a whole business 8-5 (and the rest) around a disabled child.

Some people don’t know they’re born 😂

Get a job. Stop being a sponger.

He can't sell without your say so.

If youre getting the income im surprises youre not doing the admin? Offer to do that as it's the work that generates the income.

Otherwise youre better off talking to him about it than us, it'll have to be a joint decision anyway. I'm not sure what you think we can add?

Sorry but if it was his house before you got married I can see why he wants to get rid of it. Especially if all the work managing it falls to him AND he’s also paying off a mortgage.

I think you either need to go back to work (in which case he may well end up paying for some childcare) or agree that he transfers some of his salary to you for personal spending- on the basis that he agrees to you remaining a SAHM. Personally I’d get a job in your position.

Unless you join the army or work on an oil rig you can still see your children every day and work.

Managing a HMO with children who are at school 30 hours a week is one of the easiest sources of income I can imagine.

TBH, managing an HMO that you yourself own seems like an ideal job to fit around school hours.

OP, when have you planned to go back to work? And do you think it'll work around the kids?

If they're all in school why on earth can't you manage a job or even manage the BTL yourself?
You can't do nothing all day forever. Help your DH carry the financial load.

Dealing with tax and agents and maintenance is not a big deal. I do it for property I own. He can't sell your share of the property. Just because it was his doesn't alter that most of it is now yours so he could save on tax (and you should check the legality of the tax arrangement he has set up, btw).
But the whole thing is fishy. Why does he want to sell a capital asset that will increase in value to reduce mortgage on the house you live in down the line. Is there something he is hiding? Debts, unpaid tax (HMRC never give up), gambling debts, or an affair going on and this is his way of securing 'his' money before the divorce?

I find it quite telling that the ages of DC aren't being mentioned in any of the OPs replies - this makes me think that DC are at least school age which means OP could work if she wanted to (unless there was a medical reason, which I think she would have mentioned).

I am not bashing SAHM in the slightest - I think it is a lot of work. But the vast majority of us have to juggle all the usual parental duties with our jobs. If OP is losing the income stream from a property that her DH owned before he met her I think it would be prudent for her to get a job. If anything it shows how dependent she is on her DP financially and she might want to make sure she has her own income stream which isn't dependent on her OH.

'A decent income for me' 'gives me considerable financial freedom' 'he pays the bills, this is just for spending'

This sounds like lots of money - and provides you purely with discretionary spending.

I can understand that he wants to retire early to improve his life, and selling this particular BTL (not the others you have) will help him achieve this.

It does seem fair that he too would like to spend time with family/at home.

I do wonder what your lifestyle looks like compared to his.

I lived in a medium HMO (4 people) and it cost us £4.5k a month collectively.

They pull in fair chunks of money

So what does DH think you will use for your spending when the BTL is sold?
You haven't mentioned that at all in this thread.

The compromise might be you taking on the day to day management & financials to release him from the burden & agreeing an amount to overpay the mortgage each month - with a bit from both the house proceeds and his wages.

You both make a small sacrifice to achieve compromise and a shared goal.

Because you are trapped and need to find a way out and that includes getting a job at least around school hours